Quadrant over Quality

In the last three weeks, I’ve seen three new movies which have already grossed over TWO BILLION DOLLARS worldwide – Obsession, Disclosure Day and Spiderman: Brand New Day.

The truth is – I didn’t love any one of them.

Womp Womp Power Chainsaw Man GIF - Womp womp Power chainsaw ...

It’s not that they were awful, it’s just that, well, meh.

I feel like I sound old.  And why not?  I guess I’m now on the old-er side.

But this doesn’t mean I don’t love those kinds of movies. 

Meaning ones that can make lots of money quickly and appeal to broad swaths of what movie marketers term the four-quadrant audience. 

Analyze GIFs | Tenor
Time to start math-ing!

This phrase has been floating around for decades and I’ve mentioned it before.  But for those unfamiliar, it means:

Quadrant 1: Males under 25

Quadrant 2: Females under 25

Quadrant 3: Males over 25

Quadrant 4: Females over 25

A four headed monster

It can signal family-friendly, but not necessarily.  There are dramas, sci-fi blockbusters, superhero, heartwarming comedies and horror films all included.

Not to be defensive (Note: Though what can you expect when you’re really far away from the minimum requirement in even the third quadrant), but I did tremendously like and almost loved The Odyssey, which has already grossed over ONE BILLION DOLLARS worldwide on its own in the last month.

What Is The 'Odysseus Screaming' Meme? The Breakout Reaction Meme Of Matt  Damon Yelling In 'The Odyssey' Movie Explained
Really I’m there for Samantha Morton

And then there was Project Hail Mary, an early hit this year I thoroughly enjoyed A LOT that is up to almost SEVEN HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS internationally at the box-office.

Both of these have my admiration because they tried something a little bit different, developed their characters, have very few plot holes, offer a few earned clever twists and deliver an ending that feels real and earned.

Hail Mary GIFs | Tenor
Plus I mean… who can argue with Rocky?!

This is not the case for many films in the four quadrant system these days.  Often they have plot holes the size of 30 foot bagels (Note: Just where were all of the other victims of those One Wish Willow toys in that Obsession town?).  Or too many messy and unanswered pertinent questions (Note: Didn’t those Disclosure Day aliens have a planet that missed them?).  And far too many Easter Egg drops from previous films, and so many Irving The Explainer plot backstory moments, that the diffused present day action can’t sustain enough momentum for us to believe or care much about anything happening in the present day (Note: New Spiderman makes one long for a new origin story of something or someone else that’s super… simple).

And yet, who can argue with TWO BILLION DOLLARS?

Money angel''
what plot holes?

That’s what the fans and the studios of these films could and would likely say.

The other day I flipped on to Turner Classic Movies and they were showing Annie Hall and I, like everyone since, was once again charmed by the wit, talent and originality of the forever missed Diane Keaton.

It’d been years since I’d seen this very simple yet unique love story that Hollywood and the country took to heart and I quickly remembered why it was a film I did love and continue to love.

Diane Keaton Became a Fashion Icon With Annie Hall in 1977
Oh how we miss you Annie

It came out in 1977, a time when I was very much a member of that most desired QUADRANT 1 marketing demographic. 

This was a time when major studios made and offered movies in lots of genres.  Films that succeeded at the box-office that didn’t have plot holes the size of a giant baked good.  Or were not overstuffed with homages and unanswered questions.  And actually took the time, as some films that capture the zeitgeist do, to develop their characters and thoroughly earn their place in the hearts of millions.

Aside from multiple Oscar winning Annie Hall (including best picture), here are some other Oscar contenders that came out in 1977.

The 50th Academy Awards | 1978
Ya ready?

Other best picture nominees (there were the proper mere five back then) were: The Goodbye Girl (a Neil Simon character rom-com), Julia (a serious politically-based drama), STAR WARS (a character-based sci-fi blockbuster), and The Turning Point (a show business based relationship movie set in the world of ballet).

Contenders in other categories include other films that moviegoers talk about to this day and that, in their time and by contemporary dollars, would be considered blockbusters.

Try this duo:  Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Saturday Night Fever.

Saturday Night Fever GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY
Here for this

It was also the year of Oh, God!, Pumping Iron, Slapshot, Eraserhead and New York, New York.

Sure, the #2 film at the box-office that year was the paper thin, low rent Smokey and the Bandit and #6 was the semi-coherent, movie-star bloated A Bridge Too Far.  But there were lots of other offerings, SO many as a matter of fact, to even things out.

This is not a critique of the taste of the contemporary mass audience.  People love movies and want to get out of the house to see something new.  But they can only pick and choose from what the studios sell and the movie theatres offer them.  

It just seems that if 1977 could give us Annie Hall, Julia and Saturday Night Fever – as well as Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and for god sakes, Smokey and the Bandit – that 50 years later it’s not too much to demand that studios, distributors and their billionaire patrons take the time to do a little bit better.

Some eCards New Years on Strikingly
This is probably the best the studios can do

And that we all demand a hell of a lot more.

The Bee Gees – “Staying Alive” (from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack)

The Artificial Intelligentsia

Now that Project Hail Mary has grossed $400 million worldwide and still going strong, two points have been proven.

#1 – Ryan Gosling is one of our last remaining and enduring movie stars under 50.  I mean, anyone who can headline a film opposite a literal rock and build a humanistic relationship with a faceless voice in an offscreen booth that makes us laugh, cry and send us into existential thought while looking dreamy, has to be anointed our 21st century Cary Grant.

Ryan Gosling Takes Flight With Must-See First 5 Minutes of 'Project Hail  Mary'
… all the while in this dorky sweater!

AND –

#2 – It is still possible to make a movie in a timely fashion without artificial intelligence that people all over the world will see. 

Again and Again.

And again.

(Note: Project Hail Mary famously avoided AI in favor of real sets, practical effects and, well, actual people, puppets and physical…rocks!)

James Ortiz '10 Makes a Faceless Puppet Irresistible • Acting • Purchase  College
We love a practical effect!!

The possibility that this could continue to any sort of financial and/or creative advantage is not what the internet, corporate rich folk or your basic industry pundit would have you or I believe.

What so many would like us to think is that the end of the alive talents in the industry as we know it is coming courtesy of AI and that every movie in the 2100s will feature a movie star with some not so distant relation to Tilly Norwood.

Though I hate to give her/IT any additional publicity, if you must, click here:

Very uninterested in whatever this is

Many of my students work as interns at various Hollywood companies, and more than a handful have recounted stories in the last few months about a person or persons obsessed with talking about, dealing with, or having them deal with AI. 

These tend NOT to be top tier people but rather those who dream the shortcuts technology might offer are a substitute for the hard work and creativity it takes to make something audiences will want to pay to consume en masse that is memorable — or even any good.

When the subject comes up of teaching young writers AI tools my response is usually something like this – we don’t teach them to type, even though that is a much needed technical skill for screenwriters and cuts down on time. Instead, we teach them to think and dream and sweat out the stories they want to tell by studying, watching and using their imaginations to bring their projects to realization. 

Bit by bit.  Day by day. And month by month.

Or, as one of the GOAT writing professors of all-time, Anne Lamott once wrote:

Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life: Lamott, Anne:  8601404243813: Amazon.com: Books
Love you

I came across an article in the Hollywood Reporter this week that claimed to survey more than a dozen assistants in the industry who are being asked, or in some cases, encouraged, ahem, to use AI in order to do their jobs. Presumably quicker.

Some companies are absolutely anti AI and others are open or inclined to have support staff use it.  But as one former assistant noted, no one has given any thought to the fact that when you post a movie star or executive’s schedule or contract paperwork onto an AI tool to write a cohesive memo you are in essence opening that information up to public digital tools.

Data theft gif Images - Free Download on Freepik
ruh roh

So even though, as another assistant mentioned, it helps when you have to send a bottle of wine to a remote movie set location, and need to figure out the fastest way to get it there, it begs the question of how easy it will be for so many others to infiltrate that location for whatever disruptive or juicy tabloid fodder they may attempt to come up with.

Or have AI come up with.

You see what I mean.

Gossip GIFs | Tenor
and you know we love gossip

Nevertheless, The Hollywood Reporter will this month release an entire special issue devoted to AI, so we have that to look forward to.  As well as so many follow-ups too numerous to count from ad infinitum sources.

Now before the hissing and booing gets too loud from the peanut gallery, let’s agree that no one is saying that advancements in technologies can’t be beneficial in some areas.

Namely, if AI can take all the science ever published and come up with a cure for cancer, we’re ALL all-in. 

Where do you stand on AI? Good or bad? I'm very optimistic about the future  of AI, and its potential to revolutionize the way we live. :  r/OptimistsUnite
What if I’m sitting in the aisle?

That is, as long as it’s checked out and confirmed by actual human clinical studies before it goes on the market.

This is where technology can shine and will shine.

However, when it’s used as a cost-cutting method to further dumb down the world to an even lower common denominator, or bore us to death or even down further into our isolated psychological shells with mediocrity, count the majority of us out.

I don’t know about you, but I’m already beginning to read emails and press releases that I’d bet $100 bucks are AI generated. 

NIST AI 100-4: Synthetic Media Detection for CISOs
Mind… blown…

So jolly, so glib, so vacant of anything approaching a real point of view that might offend or truly inform anyone in a more recognizably alive, humanistic way.

And don’t get this flower child started on the driverless Waymo car that seems everywhere in Los Angeles. 

Not getting in one, and never want to drive behind one. 

No photo description available.
Brilliant

For one thing, they literally will NEVER think to continue that left turn through the yellow light!  Which literally means.  PROCEED, with caution.

That’s what I say about AI.

Proceed if you dare.

But think about the consequences of your actions for your future. 

And for ours.

Aretha Franklin – “Think”