We’re Secular, Bitch

I watched El Camino, the Netflix film that continues the story of one of the best TV series of all time, Breaking Bad.

It’s a respectable effort to complete the arc of the series from BB’s creator Vince Gilligan even if it doesn’t soar to the same heights.  Still, we get to know what happens to our favorite dim bulb sweetheart of a crystal meth maker, Jesse Pinkman, witness a brief encounter between him and… (Note: Okay, NO SPOILERS HERE!) and realize once again that once you heavily enter into the world of drug dealing and drug taking no good will come of it.

Nothing de-glorified the illicit worlds of drugs and toxic masculinity better than Breaking Bad.  It’s certainly not the only example of that in popular culture but its ability to eschew proselytizing and instead focus on the lives of the people who choose this road made it one of the most respected, watched and memorable TV series of all time.

Quality TV, bitch

Jesse Pinkman grew up in a two parent household with a Christian mom and dad who, by his own admission, did the best they could to raise him with the moral values he needed to sustain himself in the world.  He was fictional yet somehow familiar, like the lovable doofus next door who once showed potential but somehow, and in some way, went on to break bad.

Jesse came of age in the early nineties, right around time our current U.S. attorney general, William Barr, first served in that post (1991-1993).  This was under then Pres. George Bush, Sr. and at the time, as now, it was Mr. Barr’s task to set the standard for the legal, and, in turn, moral tone for the country.  In other words, he is the custodian of what passes as the rule of law.

Preach

A devout Catholic, Mr. Barr’s tone and morality have remained constant and virtually unchanged since the time young Jesse Pinkman was looking for guidance on how to be an adult.

By way of explanation, here are some nuggets from a speech Mr. Barr, our sitting A.G.,  gave this week to an audience of law students at Notre Dame Law School, many of whom never heard it because they were too busy protesting his appearance outside of the auditorium on campus from which he spoke.

…Judeo-Christian moral standards are the ultimate utilitarian for human conduct…We are told we are living in a post-Christian era, but what has replaced the Judeo-Christian moral system?… Among the militant secularists are many so-called progressives, but where is the progress?…

We see the growing ascendancy of secularism and the doctrine of moral relativism…Basically every measure of this social pathology continues to gain ground…Along with the wreckage of the family, we are seeing record levels of depression and mental illness, dispirited young people, soaring suicide rates, increasing numbers of angry and alienated young males, an increase in senseless violence and a deadly drug epidemic.

….New Jersey recently passed a law requiring schools to adopt a LGBT curriculum that many feel is inconsistent with traditional Christian teaching,

….Over 70,000 people die a year from drug overdoses. …But I won’t dwell on the bitter results of the new secular age. 

Jesse is not a fan

Attorney General Barr is on a familiar frontline of American governmental religious fervor and his perception is that there is a decided lack of it that is causing the moral decay or our world.  Or at the very least, it’s lack is the primary reason for our social problems and the key to why so many people, both young and old, disobey the law, misbehave in general and seem so, well…unhappy.

If you lived through the thirties, the fifties, the eighties/nineties or were paying attention in the latter half of this decade, aka yesterday on Fox News or the Christian Broadcasting Network, you’ve heard this before.  If not, you can go through the speeches of Father Coughlin (1930s), Joseph McCarthy (1950s), both Bush POTUSes and Barr himself (1980s/1990s/2000s) and catch up.  Or better yet, view Mr. Barr’s Notre Dame speech here:

… and prepare to lose your lunch

What it boils down to is a society whose problems have mostly to do with straying from a strict RELIGIOUS doctrine. It is a school of thought that conveniently (and very purposefully) ignores the many secular advances in the world like, say, women having equal rights or laws against them being stoned in town square for cheating on their husbands – to – laws preventing members of the LGBTQ community from being fired from their place of employment, barred from their local marriage license offices or, say…being stoned in town square for simply…being.

Most importantly what it seeks to do is blame the Jesse Pinkmans of the world – either fictional or real – on the fact that they were raised in a country or household where government and home teachings of the Bible were not somehow enshrined in their being and viewed as the gold standard of citizenry, if not the requirement and guiding principle of its government and its leaders. (Note:  This would presumably include our current American “leader”).

pretty much sums up my thoughts

In times like these it is important to remember, repeat, and rinse and repeat again, that this line of thought was precisely the opposite type of doctrinaire thinking on which our country was first founded.

One of the essential pillars of American democracy is and always has been the separation of church and state.  Don’t take my word for it.  It’s the very FIRST AMENDMENT to the U.S. Constitution.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

What this means is feel free to NOT BELIEVE in God and religion or BELIEVE in any God or religion you want.  But bottom line – leave RELIGION and whatever you believe it to be out of our government.

It is also important to note that the very definition of secularism (Note: Barr’s dreaded word) is: the principle of the separation of the state from religious institutions.

You know.. unless you live in this universe  #seeyourselfoutRudy

This in no way means that we can’t consult many sources, include our religion, to define what is right and wrong individually for us.  But as a government, a basic tenant of American law is that we leave our religion at the door.

As Americans we are guided by a set of norms and law that evolve over time, not ones enshrined in early A.D or B.C.  We have our problems, particularly these days, but this freedom to think any way we like, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else, is in our DNA.  It has made us the most prosperous nation in modern history and, until recently, the one country the vast majority of immigrants in the world have chosen to migrate to.

Hmmm, perhaps what this attorney general and his cohorts from up above are trying to do by him speechifying about the enshrining of our country with an old/new religion is nothing more than their latest strategy to stem immigration?

Unlikely.

The game Barr and his ilk are playing is far simpler.  In fact, it’s all about the simplicity of thought.  Quiet the masses by evoking a past that never existed and ignore, prosecute, condemn and persecute (legally or by any means necessary) anyone who dare speak against them.  When all that fails, claim the sinners are the ones taking away THEIR freedom of choice, their religion, and stifling their ability to simply be who THEY ARE.

There is an immoral majority in American society right now but it’s not the Jesse Pinkmans of the world.  Rather, it’s the members of our top government elite, such as Barr, who think we’re all too dumb to catch on to their bait and switch game of immoral strategy to retain power and do what they please behind closed doors. (Note: I’m trying NOT to imagine anything I can’t unsee or unthank).

Well, they underestimate all the rest of us sinners at their own peril, don’t they?

Hopefully.

Nick Lutsko – “The Ballad of Jesse Pinkman” 

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Not Joking

I’ve decided to wait a bit to see Joker.

Not that you asked and not that I’m afraid to venture out to a movie theatre showing Joker on its opening weekend.

Oh, yes.  Apparently, there is reason to be afraid.

My students actually brought this to my attention, noting more than several sets of their parents called them this week to warn them of the perils of venturing out.  These were mothers and fathers who were truly afraid their college juniors and seniors could possibly be shot at in a public venue that dared to show a movie that addressed the evolution of a cartoon villain into a gun toting vigilante who wanted revenge.

America, 2019 #sad

But it never even occurred to me to be scared and I have fears about pretty much everything.

Not being a parent and never one to miss the opening weekend of a movie I was desperate to see (Note:  Yes, I did see Judy on opening night.  Please.) I thought of venturing out to Joker.  But it wasn’t the prospect of the ridiculous crowds that go hand in hand with those huge box-office projections that made me stay home.

Reserved seating ensures you don’t have to wait in line for a ticket and I was willing to take my chances in the off chance of a flesh and blood gunman given I survived the eighties.  But, well, the rat f-ck in the parking lot, the talking in the theatre during the film, the inevitable crying kid who shouldn’t be there or texting teens with neon-screened phones who have to be there– I mean, really, I can wait.

I’m fine with this

And anyway, Martin Scorsese says any film that’s part of the Marvel Universe isn’t real cinema so I doubt that he feels any differently about DC/Batman origins.

Honestly, the closest I can think of them, as well made as they are, with actors doing the best they can under the circumstances, is theme parks. It isn’t the cinema of human beings trying to convey emotional, psychological experiences to another human being.” —  Martin Scorsese to Empire magazine this week.

Scorsese throws it down

If Scorsese is venting about high and low art we moviegoers are really in trouble.

Still, I get it, don’t you?  A steady diet of anything eventually makes it less special and inevitably, less than satisfying.  So how frustrating must it be for someone who is acknowledged as one of the best filmmakers of the century to watch the market for what he produces narrow further and further.

It’s the slow execution of everything he has given his life to.  The existential extinction of a widespread and very particular art form.

On the other hand, (and quite honestly) I can’t say I’m excited to see another Scorsese gangster movie, are you? Really excited?  I mean, are you really, really excited about the release of his latest three and a half hour long epic The Irishman early next month?  As excited as you were to see Goodfellas, Casino or even, say, The Departed?  Be honest.

I feel seen #truth

A superhero movie fan could argue a new gangster film from the director is the cinematic equivalent of a Scorsese theme park ride.   Others might, too.

This in no way lets the glut of Marvel/DC comic book movies off the hook.  Looking at what’s playing at what we used to refer to as real movie theatres at any given moment is a far, far cry from the last true golden age of cinema in the late sixties through the early to mid-seventies.

You know… before this #imissyoucarrie

The entertainment business has always revolved around making money, especially easy money.  So no one can blame movie studios, producers, directors, actors, et al for focusing on the broadest possible market with an emphasis on the key 18-24 year old demographic.

It’s said studios are most interested in a four-quadrant film, meaning the movie that will appeal to the widest swath of the population (Note:  What quadrant are you in?) but this is no longer the case.  It’s not even the case that whom they want to most appeal to are 18-24 year olds.

Most people when they go to a comic book movie #ifeelold

What is true is that superhero films accounted for more than 25% of total movie ticket sales last year, the equivalent of $11.38 billion.

Truth be told, this is a lot it is still far less than what we (okay I) might have imagined.  Until we realize, large as it is, it’s still a misleading statistic.  Those films might account for a quarter plus of releases but how wide of a release do the non-superhero movies get and how long do they really stick around?

In other words, 75% of the movies we have the option of going out to see might not have anything to do with Marvel or DC but if these films only play just one or two weeks in smaller, not easy to get to (or particularly desirable) theatres in not many cities, than what are the chances any of us will get to see them?  If a comic book hero is monopolizing 5 screens at an 8-screen multiplex do you want to brave the crowds on the weekend in order to see the latest indie offering starring Catherine Keener?  You might not even show up for a Jennifer Aniston rom-com or a Spike Lee joint.

Forget about the cost of a helmet or your bulletproof vest.

… and yet this is the film Catherine Keener did in 2018 #sigh

This is especially the case if you can wait a week or two and view them in the comfort of your large screened living room, which, in some cases, will offer images almost as large as the ones you might be treated to at one of the smaller multiplex screens that the non Marvel/DC movie you chose to attend would be relegated to.

It’s not an accident that Martin Scorsese’s The Irishman is backed by Netflix, which will make it available online three weeks after it debuts nationwide at what Steven Spielberg refers to as real movie theatres.

in unison: “you talking to me?”

Okay, I’m paraphrasing.

What he actually said is that Netflix films (and those from other streaming services) should not receive equal treatment at the Academy Awards and should be nominated for Emmys.  His belief is once you commit to the TV format you are a television movie and not a film.

But does his point of view extend to movies primarily backed or financed by Netflix and other similar platforms?  Or does Scorsese’s The Irishman get a pass because clearly HE makes cinema?

What IS 2019 cinema, anyway?   What is NOT 2019 cinema?

.. and what the hell is this??? #geminiman

As famed multiple Oscar winning screenwriter William Goldman once said of those of us in and around the film business, nobody knows anything.

And that, unlike most of what’s offered at your local multiplex, includes everyone.

The Late Ones – “The Joker” (cover of Steve Miller Band)

The Trump and Judy Show

Let’s talk about legends and the people who inhabit them.  The common dictionary definition:

Legend:  An extremely famous or notorious person, especially in a particular field.

Of course, that’s only part of the story.

Renee Zellweger gives an astonishing performance as the legendary Judy Garland in the self-titled new film, Judy.  It’s not so much that Ms. Zellweger exactly recreates her singing voice or her entire autobiography during the last few years of her life.  It’s that somehow, and in so many ways, she captures the essence of Judy’s legend.

Make room on your shelf, Renee!

Or at least what we believe was, or could have been, her essence.

It’s there in her tremulous voice, her humor, her raw vulnerability, her fight, the nuances of her mannerisms and her underfed yet somehow still powerful physicality.

Not only is a tour de force of determination in her every and many close-up(s), it’s a channeling of duality.  She shows us the core of what we publicly saw of Judy in her many stage, screen and TV appearances AND she gives us a peak into the charming and yet not always admirable part of her humanity that we never knew and might not have ever imagined.

None of us are ever one thing all the time.  We are a mix of light and dark, good and bad, strong and vulnerable and, trite as it may sound, love and hate.

This is amplified ten times over with those we’ve crowned as our legends.

No doubt Donald J. Trump will go down as an extremely different type of legend in our history, but a legend nevertheless.  Most American presidents in history occupy legendary status during their era and for many the legend manages to sustain through generations and even centuries. (Note: See above definition).

Sigh… I really need to stop looking at pictures like this #coolobama #sighagain

The breadth of career, the various distinctive looks, the marriages, the overly insistent publicity, the rise and fall and rise again – these are among the many things Trump and Judy share.  It may be a sobering thought but it doesn’t make it any less true.

What is also true is that ultimately those are artificial markers we, as society, have constructed for ourselves in order to understand how one human rises into the public consciousness and manages to stay there for years, decades and very often even beyond that.

Roughly as long as the shelf life of a Twinkie #thatsalongtime

Trump and Judy might both be modern day legends but in so many other, more important ways, they couldn’t be more different.

Trump from the beginning used his role as a renowned entertainer to divide people.  The phrase that cemented his stardom in the mass media zeitgeist was, YOU’RE FIRED!  He ran for the presidency on a platform of Make America Great Again but never before in American history has the country been this divided.  While Trump certainly did unite a significant subset of the country he polarized us a whole and continues to do so as he and his presidency amble towards impeachment.

Haven’t we been crawling there all along? #itstime

A deeper dive into specifics allows us to see this is not where it ends.  Trump’s talent is self-promotion, grievance and sheer rage/anger.  It can be amusing in cynical, seemingly too politically correct times but it doesn’t cause true pleasure like the lilt of a spectacular musical note.  Nor does it allow us to relax and let down our guard when we watch a scene in a film or on TV where a performer is bold enough to expose publicly the kind of vulnerabilities we keep secret for fear of risking our own personal shame.

With Trump weakness is BAD, not a given.  It is an aspect of our ourselves so impossible to admit that it must be put through his own personal, branded wood chipper and spew out as aggressive disdain and a call for destruction of whomever we deem as the other.

What my brain will do to 2016 – 2020

Rather than cleanse ourselves through a good cry or the spontaneous live energy of a song delivered by a legendary vocalist, we cloak ourselves in an adrenalin rush of negative performance art that blocks out everything else.  We are assured that no matter what our problems are it’s the outside world that is responsible for them.

The system that’s failed the collective us has made us believe that what we deem as our many rights have only been made wrong by weak leaders in today’s age.

The Trump worldview harkens back to his late eighties mantra that it’s you against the world and that greed and gold and gilt for you and your family are what’s good.

Gee thanks, Gordy #UGH

If you don’t have those it’s the fault of the Mexicans, the drug lords, the non-white invaders, the too privileged leaders who are a disgrace for selling out the real Americans, those people whose bodies they used and willingly stepped on and over to get them where they are today.

What made Trump legendary from the beginning was his lack of shame and ability to vomit out his authentic self no matter what the elite thought of his antics.  He was a crude, trash-talking, show-off with seemingly endless cash, with an amusing glint in his eye and an ability to crack an off-color double entendre or blatantly dirty jokes in public the way we and our families all did in private behind closed doors.

Trying to think about Trump as a legend #imtrying

Whatever we say about Trump he evokes for many what publicly passes as an authentic self.  Many would argue Judy did the same, from her Wizard of Oz days on through the territory covered in this latest film of her life.

Certainly, the public persona of any legend is not truly authentic.  No persona, light or dark, good or bad, can ever be all things any human being is in any given moment or in total.

Except Julie Andrews… she is EVERYTHING

What is most important when we speak of our legends is considering not who they are or were but what they truly do for us and why.  In whose company do we want to live in through our eternities?  Which of these legends, despite their humanness, gave us something positive to consider, and which others of them brought us down as a collective whole?

Renee Zellweger – “Over the Rainbow” (From Judy Soundtrack)

MEH-MMYS

 

The 2019 telecast of the Emmys will probably be remembered for three things:

  1. The British invasion of winners, especially Fleabag creator Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s unexpected and very deserving trifecta for Outstanding Lead Actress/Writer in a Comedy Series and Outstanding Comedy Series.

Slay!!! #triplethreat #firstimesinceTinaFey

  1. The stupendously unfunny voice-over quips of Thomas Lennon, a fairly unknown actor/comic who so annoyed so many people on social media during the telecast that he himself referred to how much his job sucked before the program was even over.
  2. The fact that not a single primetime program from ANY of the four major TV broadcast networks (CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX) took home even ONE Emmy in any major category during the entire 180 minute broadcast.

To be sure there were some high notes:

– Billy Porter became the first out Black gay man to win Best Actor in the first series ever on network television centering on the trans community.

Best hat since Aretha!

– Comic moments by two television legends, 90 year old Bob Newhart and 97-year-old Norman Lear, that left almost everyone else in the dust.

– The youthful exuberance (and humility) in the acceptance speeches of Jharrel Jerome (When They See Us) and Jodie Comer (Killing Eve) when they were rightly (and a bit surprisingly) honored as outstanding lead actor in a limited series and outstanding lead actress in a drama series, respectively.

So why did the show itself alternate between being a rudderless mess and a crushing bore???

Sarah Silverman during the Emmys has never been so relatable #ILoveYouSarah

A host might have helped, though that’s not a guarantee. Maybe…the right host, then? Of course, that would likely mean finding someone who appears on a Fox show since each time a network gets its turn broadcasting the Emmys it seems to only want to employ one of its own to appear center stage.

It’s not that Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, James Corden, Jimmy Fallon or even Carson Daly 2015 could have guaranteed a better program. But perhaps they might have offered a…. fighting chance?

Why the shade, Chairy? #ahem

Are our television fiefdoms now as polarizing as our politics? #UBetTheyR

(Note: How else does one explain Tim Allen showing up and landing like a thud in the middle of nowhere to plug the last season of his Fox series, Last Man Standing?)

BUZZ-KILL #seewhatIdidthere

Still, even without a host you knew we were in trouble when an animated character, aka Fox’s own Homer Simpson, showed up in the opening as a kind of faux host only to be leveled into the ground and disappear. His duties were then taken over by blackish’s Anthony Anderson in an embarrassing routine where he and his Mom steal several Emmys and put them in her large purse in order to presumably smuggle out of the theatre.

Did someone actually write a bit where a person of color was stealing someone else’s awards with a family member on national television?

Super cringe

When Anderson then passed the faux host torch to Bryan Cranston I thought perhaps it was just me having a drug flashback to my Breaking Bad television binge watching days in a much simpler time. Alas, this was not to be.

The minutes and hours wore on and our patience began to wear thin. Why did everything feel just plain off and weird? Like a high school dance where I thought I was wearing a great outfit but the pictures revealed otherwise, it all seemed ill fitted and pimply-faced.

The LED set flashed frighteningly oversized still photos of nominees as someone announced their names from backstage and in another moment would suddenly turn into an assaulting piece of Game of Thrones scenery/logo or an electrically insistent pastel hue that picked up the color in some presenters’ outfit.

Like.. did we need to see Fleabag’s bloody nose?? #whatweretheythinking

At one point there was even a musical number where a gold gowned person with a Meryl Streep mask could be seen juggling bowling pins. I couldn’t swear they were bowling pins or even a female in the gown but I do know I saw the image a second time just before the show cut to commercial.

Given television’s penchant for reruns it might have been nice to relive at least a few more clips from the very best of television in the past year. We were told by Television Academy chairman Frank Scherma that we are now in the PLATINUM age of TV and yet clips from the best of 2019 were few and far between while those that were shown were so short as to come off as practically unintelligible.

Me, to the producers

With TV this good, here’s an idea for next year. Just give us more of the best of and get a witty host or a smart host or maybe even a live action host who’s merely smart enough or only slightly witty.

Until then, we can entertain ourselves with tons of award winning/nominated 2019 TV we might have missed. That would include:

1- Every episode of When They See Us, Chernobyl, Fosse/Verdon and Succession for dramas. (Note: No, they are NOT too depressing and/or off-putting).

2- Every episode of Fleabag, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The Good Place and Russian Doll for comedy.

Schitt’s Creek too!! #catherineoharaisaGODDESS

3- Any random episode of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Saturday Night Live, Late Night with Seth Meyers or The Late Show with Stephen Colbert for timely political satire.

Aside from fashion and hate watching, they’re the real reason awards shows like Emmy2019 exist. Or used to be.

Kelsea Ballerini – “Better Luck Next Time”

Editors Note: The Chair’s predictions scored a 16/27, which is approximately 59% — still better than Electoral POTUS’s approval rating, so we’ll take that as a win. 

Emmy Predictions from a Game of Thrones avoider

You may or may not be watching the Emmy Awards on Sunday night but chances are you will be sampling some of it.

That’s the way it works these days.  You try a little and then you switch to something else.  Or you switch to this and then you get hooked.

Or you binge it all Monday night at 11pm when you can’t begin to think of sleep and don’t want to think at all.

Or you do it in clips that people post on social media, as an afterthought.  This can be done in the tradition of hate watching or in admiration of a particular saucy or emotional acceptance speech you HAVE TO SEE at that moment.  Though it might also be an embarrassing tumble across the stage or a mangling of someone’s name, or two, three or four names that becomes MUST SEE TV, err, clip.

Never Forget… that hair

The game of television has changed.  So many options and so, so much more time to waste/spend on them.

Still, what is particularly outstanding about this year’s list of nominees is the sheer number of networks and platforms involved.  Remember when it was just NBC, CBS and ABC with a little PBS thrown in?

I do.

Then Fox became a player.  HBO, Showtime and the rest of pay cable quickly followed.  Not to mention basic cable.  Yes, this year they are well represented with major nominees from AMC, TBS, FX and even BBC America.

Sadly still no love for Hallmark’s wall to wall Christmas movies #CandaceCameronisVERYRich

Though truly there is a new frontier that’s arrived and will not let up until it’s total domination.  That would be Netflix, Amazon and Hulu.

It’s tiring to name every streaming show and special that’s award worthy that you will never catch up with.  Unless, of course, that special or show wins an award Sunday night.  Then it becomes the star of the platform and gets featured for at least, well, a few hours.  Maybe even a few days.

All of the above and more has made it nearly impossible to predict who the Emmy winners will be.  You don’t watch everything out there that’s nominated and neither do the voters.  Though this is why we can do just well at predicting them as any other viewer or professional prognosticator.

In that spirit, here is your Sunday night (or Monday, or Tuesday night), cheat sheet:

 

 

 

Outstanding Competition Program

Shantay, you stay

The Amazing Race • CBS

American Ninja Warrior • NBC

Nailed It! • Netflix

RuPaul’s Drag Race • VH1

Top Chef • Bravo

The Voice • NBC

For bringing drag into the mainstream  (Note: Never thought I’d write or read that sentence) –

Winner:  RuPaul’s Drag Race

 

Outstanding Writing For A Variety Series

Documentary Now! • IFC

Full Frontal With Samantha Bee • TBS

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver • HBO

Late Night With Seth Meyers • NBC

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert • CBS

Saturday Night Live • NBC

They all have their moments.  But ultimately it’s –

Winner:  Last Week With John Oliver

 

Outstanding Directing For A Variety Series

Documentary Now!, “Waiting For The Artist,” Alex Buono and Rhys Thomas • IFC

Drunk History, “Are You Afraid Of The Drunk?” Derek Waters • Comedy Central

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, “Psychics,” Paul Pennolino • HBO

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, “Live Midterm Election Show,” Jim Hoskinson • CBS

Saturday Night Live, “Host : Adam Sandler,” Don Roy King • NBC

Who Is America?, “Episode 102,” Sacha Baron Cohen, Nathan Fielder, Daniel Gray Longino and Dan Mazer • Showtime

We have NO idea.  You choose.

Oh, okay.

Winner:  Saturday Night Live, Don Roy King

This was one of the sweetest TV moments of the year #almostforgot

Outstanding Variety Talk Series

The Daily Show With Trevor Noah • Comedy Central

Full Frontal With Samantha Bee • TBS

Jimmy Kimmel Live! • ABC

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver • HBO

The Late Late Show With James Corden • CBS

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert • CBS

Simply put, John Oliver killed it this year and the majority of voters know it and love him for it.

Winner: Last Week with John Oliver

 

Outstanding Variety Sketch Series

At Home With Amy Sedaris • truTV

Documentary Now! • IFC

Drunk History • Comedy Central

I Love You, America With Sarah Silverman • Hulu

Saturday Night Live • NBC

Who Is America? • Showtime

Until Trump is out of office, SNL feels like a lock in this category.  We coastal elites do what we can.

Winner:  Saturday Night Live

 

Outstanding Television Movie

What’s old is new again #2019TVMotto

Bandersnatch (Black Mirror) • Netflix

Brexit • HBO

Deadwood • HBO

King Lear • Prime Video

My Dinner With Hervé • HBO

It’s gonna be the return of HBO’s Deadwood. The voters really don’t want to give it to the interactive Black Mirror.  Partly because that would mean they have to deal with interactive television.

Winner:  Deadwood

 

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Limited Series Or Movie

Different kind of Brexit

Stellan Skarsgård, Chernobyl • HBO

Paul Dano, Escape At Dannemora • Showtime

Ben Whishaw, A Very English Scandal • Prime Video

Asante Blackk, When They See Us • Netflix

John Leguizamo, When They See Us • Netflix

Michael K. Williams, When They See Us • Netflix

This is another really tough category of wonderful performances that couldn’t be more different.  The most unusual of the bunch is Ben Whishaw’s gay boy toy who would NOT be ignored or discounted or marginalized, even back in the 1960s..  Truth be told, he was pretty funny, too, and the voters like that.

Winner:  Ben Whishaw, A Very English Scandal

 

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Limited Series Or Movie

Patricia Arquette, The Act • Hulu

Emily Watson, Chernobyl • HBO

Margaret Qualley, Fosse/Verdon • FX Networks

Patricia Clarkson, Sharp Objects • HBO

Marsha Stephanie Blake, When They See Us • Netflix

Vera Farmiga, When They See Us • Netflix

It will likely be the always terrific Patricia Clarkson for her performance as the devious Mom in Sharp Objects.  Nevertheless, The Chair has a feeling that Emily Watson’s deliberate, truth-telling scientist in Chernobyl won’t be denied.

Winner:  Emily Watson, Chernobyl

 

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Limited Series Or Movie

This is a tough one

Jared Harris, Chernobyl • HBO

Benicio del Toro, Escape At Dannemora • Showtime

Sam Rockwell, Fosse/Verdon • FX Networks

Mahershala Ali, True Detective • HBO

Hugh Grant, A Very English Scandal • Prime Video

Jharrel Jerome, When They See Us • Netflix

Dreading this category.  You could make a convincing case for each actor to win.  Still, using dramatic long form dramatic television acting as the barometer it boils down to Jared Harris in Chernobyl and Jharrel Jerome in When They See Us.  Both gave us heartbreaking, career-defining performances in totally different vehicles.  For pure intensity of emotion and riveting breakout moments –

Winner: Jharrel Jerome, When They See Us

 

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Limited Series Or Movie

Joey King, The Act • Hulu

Patricia Arquette, Escape At Dannemora • Showtime

Michelle Williams, Fosse/Verdon • FX Networks

Amy Adams, Sharp Objects • HBO

Aunjanue Ellis, When They See Us • Netflix

Niecy Nash, When They See Us • Netfli

Yes, they were all good.  But bringing the real Gwen Verdon back to life for us?  Please.

Winner:  Michelle Williams, Fosse/Verdon

Start practicing that speech Michelle!

 

Outstanding Writing For A Limited Series, Movie Or Dramatic Special

Chernobyl, Craig Mazin • HBO

Escape At Dannemora, “Episode 6,” Brett Johnson, Michael Tolkin and Jerry Stahl • Showtime

Escape At Dannemora, “Episode 7,” Brett Johnson and Michael Tolkin • Showtime

Fosse/Verdon, “Providence,” Steven Levenson and Joey Fields • FX Networks

A Very English Scandal, Russell T. Davies • Prime Video

When They See Us, “Part Four,” Ava DuVernay and Michael Starrbury • Netflix

Oh gosh, who knows???  We live in a TV landscape with seemingly endless, brilliantly done limited series.  All were unique and had incredibly strong episodes.  But for the overall cohesive body of work on every episode –

Winner:  Craig Mazin, Chernobyl

 

Outstanding Directing For A Limited Series, Movie Or Dramatic Special

Make way for the next EGOT winner (step 1)

Chernobyl, Johan Renck • HBO

Escape At Dannemora, Ben Stiller • Showtime

Fosse/Verdon, “Glory,” Jessica Yu • FX Networks

Fosse/Verdon, “Who’s Got The Pain,” Thomas Kail • FX Networks

A Very English Scandal, Stephen Frears • Prime Video

When They See Us, Ava DuVernay • Netflix

It comes down to whether the evocation of nuclear disaster or American racism had the biggest effect on the voters.  This year it’s the racism.

Winner:  Ava DuVernay, When They See Us

 

Outstanding Limited Series

About to walk into Emmy history

Chernobyl • HBO

Escape At Dannemora • Showtime

Fosse/Verdon • FX Networks

Sharp Objects • HBO

When They See Us • Netflix

The good news is that there are numerous award-worthy entries in this category.  The bad news is that only one will win.  Given the voting membership of the TV Academy and the timeliness of the material despite it being a period piece, Ava DuVernay’s When They See Us will likely not go unseen.

Winner: When They See Us

 

 

 

 

Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series

Barry, “ronny/lily,” Alec Berg and Bill Hader • HBO

Fleabag, “Episode 1,” Phoebe Waller-Bridge • Prime Video

The Good Place, “Janet(s),” Josh Siegal and Dylan Morgan • NBC

PEN15, “Anna Ishii-Peters,” Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle • Hulu

Russian Doll, “Nothing In This World Is Easy,” Leslye Headland, Natasha Lyonne and Amy Poehler • Netflix

Russian Doll, “A Warm Body,” Allison Silverman • Netflix

Veep, “Veep,” David Mandel • HBO

Phoebe Waller-Bridge created Killing Eve AND Fleabag.  The unexpected six-episode second season of Fleabag was a perfect package of writing genius.  Ask EVERYONE.   Not to take away from the other very worthy nominees, but –

Winner:  Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Fleabag, Episode 1

Only she can pull this off

 

Outstanding Directing For A Comedy Series

Barry, “The Audition,” Alec Berg • HBO

Barry, “ronny/lily,” Bill Hader • HBO

The Big Bang Theory, “The Stockholm Syndrome,” Mark Cendrowski • CBS

Fleabag, “Episode 1,” Harry Bradbeer • Prime Video

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, “All Alone,” Amy Sherman-Palladino • Prime Video

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, “We’re Going To The Catskills!” Daniel Palladino • Prime Video

Boy, the “We’re Going to the Catskills” episode of Maisel was masterfully directed.  Yet the Academy has a love affair with Barry and Bill Hader that feels unstoppable.

Winner:  Bill Hader, Barry,” ronny/lily”

 

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series

For this sequence alone…

Anthony Carrigan, Barry • HBO

Stephen Root, Barry • HBO

Henry Winkler, Barry • HBO

Alan Arkin, The Kominsky Method • Netflix

Tony Shalhoub, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel • Prime Video

Tony Hale, Veep • HBO

The Television Academy LOVES Tony Shalhoub and he had a number of especially strong episodes this time out.

Winner:  Tony Shalhoub, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

 

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series

Sarah Goldberg, Barry • HBO

Sian Clifford, Fleabag • Prime Video

Olivia Colman, Fleabag • Prime Video

Betty Gilpin, GLOW • Netflix

Alex Borstein, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel • Prime Video

Marin Hinkle, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel • Prime Video

Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live • NBC

Anna Chlumsky, Veep • HBO

Eight nominees in a category?  Really?  But it doesn’t feel like anyone can beat what Alex Borstein does with the snidest New Yorker ever on TV.  Not even Oscar winner Olivia Colman or SNL’s Queen of Everything Kate McKinnon.

Winner:  Alex Borstein, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

.. but only because I was robbed.. right Chairy? #wealreadymissyouLeslie

 

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series

Bill Hader, Barry • HBO

Don Cheadle, Black Monday • Showtime

Anthony Anderson, black-ish • ABC

Ted Danson, The Good Place • NBC

Michael Douglas, The Kominsky Method • Netflix

Eugene Levy, Schitt‘s Creek • Pop TV

Hollywood loves a loveable assassin who wants to be an actor.  Or is it up and coming loveable actors who employ all the traits of a trained assassin that they love?

Winner:  Bill Hader, Barry

 

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series

She’s gonna need more hands

Christina Applegate, Dead To Me • Netflix

Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Fleabag • Prime Video

Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel • Prime Video

Natasha Lyonne, Russian Doll • Netflix

Catherine O’Hara, Schitt ‘s Creek • Pop TV

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep • HBO

Julia Louis-Dreyfus is among the most Emmy honored in history and had a triumphant final season after battling cancer in real life.  Plus, this is the last opportunity to award her work on Veep.  Despite the heavy competition, it’s –

Winner:  Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

 

Outstanding Comedy Series

Who’s it gonna be?

Barry • HBO

Fleabag • Prime Video

The Good Place • NBC

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel • Prime Video

Russian Doll • Netflix

Schitt‘s Creek • Pop TV

Veep • HBO

It should be Fleabag, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel or Russian Doll, with Schitt’s Creek or The Good Place as the dark horses.  But it will be between Barry and Veep.  Why?  Because the TV Academy NEVER honors the comedy series that I believe in my heart of hearts should win.  (Note: Except last year when Maisel won).  So I bet they give it to the last season of –

Winner:  Veep  (Note:  Barry is a very close second and could win).

 

 

 

Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series

You can’t beat Villanelle in this scene

Better Call Saul, “Winner,” Peter Gould and Thomas Schnauz • AMC

Bodyguard, “Episode 1,” Jed Mercurio • Netflix

Game Of Thrones, “The Iron Throne,” David Benioff and D.B. Weiss • HBO

The Handmaid’s Tale, “Holly,” Bruce Miller and Kira Snyder •

Killing Eve, “Nice And Neat,” Emerald Fennell • BBC America

Succession, “Nobody Is Ever Missing,” Jesse Armstrong • HBO

Without giving too much away, the “Nice and Neat” episode of Killing Eve was one twisted piece of writing in the very best way.  Of course, so was Episode 1 of Bodyguard.  Ditto the pilot of Succession.  Aaargh!!!!!  Okay, let’s once again go out on a limb here.

Winner:  Killing Eve, Emerald Fennell

 

Outstanding Directing For A Drama Series

Game Of Thrones, “The Iron Throne,” David Benioff and D.B. Weiss • HBO

Game Of Thrones, “The Last Of The Starks,” David Nutter • HBO

Game Of Thrones, “The Long Night” Miguel Sapochnik • HBO

The Handmaid’s Tale, “Holly,” Daina Reid • Hulu

Killing Eve, “Desperate Times,” Lisa Brühlmann • BBC America

Ozark, “Reparations,” Jason Bateman • Netflix

Succession, “Celebration,” Adam McKay • HBO

Oh gosh, again?  Well, no.  Despite the odds makers saying it will be that really long  83-minute episode on that show that has three nominees in this category we’re not having it.  The pilot to Succession IS a justly sad commentary, an the evocation of an American Armageddon of amorality.

Winner:  Adam McKay, Succession

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series

Gwendoline Christie, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Lena Headey, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Sophie Turner, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Maisie Williams, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Fiona Shaw, Killing Eve • BBC America

Julia Garner, Ozark • Netflix

It would be great to live in a world where four in a category was seen as overkill and Fiona Shaw could win for one of the most delicious deadpan performances on TV in Killing Eve.  But she won’t and we don’t.  Instead bet on the scene-stealer in you know what — and this one stabbed her way to the top (or so I’m told, I have no idea)

Winner:  Maisie Williams, Game of Thrones

The Chair has no idea what this is #justthetruth

 

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series

Jonathan Banks, Better Call Saul • AMC

Giancarlo Esposito, Better Call Saul • AMC

Alfie Allen, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Peter Dinklage, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Michael Kelly, House Of Cards • Netflix

Chris Sullivan, This Is Us • NBC

The rule is when you have three or more actors from a show nominated in the same category, one of them has to win.   So let’s go with the brooding intensity of –

Winner:  Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

 

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series

Miss Eve Pilastri

Emilia Clarke, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Robin Wright, House Of Cards • Netflix

Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder • ABC

Jodie Comer, Killing Eve • BBC America

Sandra Oh, Killing Eve • BBC America

Laura Linney, Ozark • Netflix

Mandy Moore, This Is Us • NBC

Sandra Oh is a beautiful, irresistible mess on Killing Eve.  That is all.

Winner:  Sandra Oh, Killing Eve

 

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series

You know you want this acceptance speech

Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul • AMC

Kit Harington, Game Of Thrones • HBO

Jason Bateman, Ozark • Netflix

Billy Porter, Pose • FX

Sterling K. Brown, This Is Us • NBC

Milo Ventimiglia, This Is Us • NBC

We’re a sucker for Milo Ventimiglia on This Is Us. Or maybe it’s his character, the now deceased but never really dead great dad, Jack Pearson.  Though maybe we just have our own Dad issues.  (Note:  Maybe?).

Still, it’s not Milo’s year.  That honor goes to Billy Porter for his work on Pose.  Playing a gay man in the AIDS era on weekly television is a first that will be rewarded.

Winner:  Billy Porter, Pose

Outstanding Drama Series
Better Call Saul • AMC
Bodyguard • Netflix
Game Of Thrones • HBO
Killing Eve • BBC America
Ozark • Netflix
Pose • FX Networks
Succession • HBO
This Is Us • NBC

Oh, please.  Is there even a possibility Game of Thrones won’t win?  It’ll be worth it to never have to read another story on it again.

Yes, yes, riveting storytelling, intelligently done, blah, blah, blah.   But we’d give it to Succession, the timeliest and sickest reflection on where we, as a society, truly are at this moment in time.  And…we’re not voting.

Winner:  Game of Thrones

Pose – House Evangelista vs. House of Ferocity

 

Good Luck Shane

Saturday Night Live announced earlier this week it signed a comedian named Shane Gillis for its upcoming season and there’s already a lot of backlash.

Like, a lot.

See, Shane’s primary shtick is playing the aggrieved, tough-talking, straight white guy who tells it like it is under the guise of comedy.  Though what this consists mainly of is him hurling politically incorrect insults at Asians, women, LBTQ people, Muslims and other straight men he thinks are too soft because they’re either too depressed or too PC-acting for his tastes.

When do the jokes start?

Though I’ve never seen Shane live I’ve listened to about an hour of his comedy from various clips and podcasts (Note: Some of which he tried to scrub from the Internet but have since resurfaced.  Let that be a lesson to all of us).

Suffice it to say, they’re peppered with bon mots like:

White chicks are literally the bottom of the comedy chain,

Judd Apatow and Chris Gethard are f-cking gayer than ISIS and white faggot comics and,

Heavily accented imitations of chinks in Chinatown (Note: Not since Mickey Rooney in Breakfast and Tiffany’s) as well as numerous references to chink food.

Yup, Shane’s clearly got a comic persona.

Oh I see, he’s an asshole.

But he doesn’t present as a caricature of machismo like, say, Andrew Dice Clay or in the category of smarmy walking/talking radio id like Howard Stern did back in his shock jock days.

Instead, Shane simply comes across as, well, one of the boys.  The type of guy that hangs out at comedy clubs and bars, stays for drinks afterwards and has opinions, lots of opinions.

This is almost too polite

His delivery isn’t unusually exaggerated nor does it feel drunk or even particularly ranting.   Rather, he seems to mean every single thing he is saying, and not in an Andy Kaufman-esque, are you putting me on way.

It makes one wonder, what is the stuff he’s choosing not to say and would I be safe if a guy like that became popular and got in the White House?

Oh, oops.

but also ughhhhh

Certainly, don’t take my word for any of this.  You can listen here to any number of Shane clips here or here and judge for yourself.

The question now is, what are we (and NBC) to do with our fellow traveler Shane?

Object too strenuously to him and we’re accused of being the freedom-hating censors that we claim to loathe and resent.   We can’t take a joke and we’re humorless, unless of course the joke is on anybody but us.

Wait, I’ll get my coat

Yet if we simply stay quiet and let the free market dictate Shane’s fate we are denying ourselves our first amendment right to speak up and out about that which we are aggrieved by.  And history shows that for those of us who are NOT in the straight white male majority no good can come of that (or us).  Reverting to silence and behaving is how our nightmare started to begin with.

So, what’s a double minority like the Chair to do?

What’s any minority to do?

Heck, what are the straight white guys who DO NOT share Shane’s aggrieved view of the world, nor think it’s particularly funny, to do other than think to themselves that these days THEY just might be the most aggrieved minority of us all because they can’t complain about anything to anyone out loud anymore and NOT be called on the carpet by EVERYONE except Shane, et al, for it?

Nope, Chairy, not getting me to feel bad for this.

Well after some thought I, for one, think we should just let Shane be Shane on NBC’s Saturday Night Live and see what happens to him in our 2019 social media infested world.

Allow him to stew for a while in the town square of Twitter.  Give him and the SNL writing team time to work up his first couple of mini-appearances on NBC late night and see if any of those routines get more hits than the racist ones already existing on YouTube.

Then…let’s see if, in turn, he gets invited to the White House.  Or, better yet winds up there some years later by some fluke of electoral fiat via social media platform performance.

Um.. wait… what? #StanKenan4ever

What, it’s happened before to the unlikeliest of NBC stars?

But this time we’ll be ready.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Right now Shane is merely a rookie member of the group formerly known as The Not Ready For Prime Time Players.  It takes at least a full season to be bumped up to first string and, well, who knows where we’ll all be by then.

Hopefully, funnier.

Frank Sinatra – “High Hopes”

 

UPDATE!! Welp, Shane was fired... so I guess… 

NEVERMIND!

Home is where the….?

There’s a fascinating movie now available on Amazon entitled The Last Black Man in San Francisco.  It’s a semi-autobiographical story about its star and co-writer Jimmie Fails and his odyssey to reclaim the old Victorian-style house his grandfather built many decades ago in San Francisco.

The film is about many things and is quite artfully done.  But ultimately it very masterfully asks us to consider the loaded and timeless question of:

What is home?

It’s difficult, and short sighted, NOT to think about the answer these days.

A coat of paint, and a whole lotta heart

The ravages of Hurricane Dorian in the Bahamas, where we’re now being told current estimates of under 100 dead are likely to jump into the 1000s, are seen not only in TV satellite shots of rubble that were once more than habitable houses.  They are equally felt on the faces of every displaced Bahamian staring back at us from the wreckages or through the ache in their voices on radio or through the telephone.

That tone and those images are eerily familiar.  They build from last year’s wildfires in California, the devastation of 2017’s Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico and Florida (Note: $91.61 billion in damages, according to estimates), which were preceded by Hurricane Irma and Hurricane Harvey earlier that year, which built on various other blizzards, floods, hurricanes and fires in the two years before in the U.S., all of which (and more) harken us back to what feels to be (but surely won’t be) the granddaddy/parent of them all in the U.S., Louisiana’s Hurricane Katrina (2005 and $125 billion in damages).

It is important to note that in human terms, over 150 million people were displaced internationally due to national disasters in just the time period between 2008-2013.  Still, that number doesn’t even include any of the disasters randomly mentioned above.

What she said

Nevertheless, there is ONE bright spot we can safely assume in all of this:

The vast majority of ALL of these people in all of these disasters still have a place in their lives THEY call home.

Last Black Man in San Francisco, a multiple winner at last year’s Sundance Film Festival, forces us to confront our value judgments on where people live and how they live these days.

Sure, an old Victorian townhouse in one of the great urban cities in the US is nice and trendy and all that and more.  Yet it all depends on where that particular piece of brick and metal and neighborhood fall in your personal (and racial) hierarchy and in what year it’s being rated.

How much do you think Don Draper’s whorehouse is going for these days? #stillthinkingaboutit #madmenforever #jonhamm

If you live in a big city it’s likely the hip area you’ve probably overpaid handsomely for was once a slum, an ordinary working class neighborhood or even a downtown factory outlet on the wrong side (or no side) of town.

You may think you’re hip and cool now but the same people who lived in that same place 40 years prior were on the outside world looking in and considered anything but.  Nevertheless, their place might have also been considered a whole lot homier than what you’ve made of it.  Perhaps they themselves were even a lot happier.

And if we were to really stretch the metaphor that could even be said for the guy whose only house consisted entirely of an illegal tent pitched in the alleyway of one of those streets or cul-de-sacs not more than a block from you.

Really?

Yes, truly.

Right, Chairy, it’s real easy to philosophize about all this when YOU’RE writing with a roof over YOUR over-privileged head!!

Well, perhaps.

But no one (Note: Not even Chairy) is advocating living without a bed and/or a place to stay warm or cool, is what most humans want.  It’s just that, well, NOT having these material comforts does not make anyone homeless in the truest sense of the word.

To brand a person as homeless is to dehumanize them.  It is to relegate them to a category of disenfranchised and forces them into some overall sad statistic WE can keep a healthy distance from.

It is to also put them into a group too many of us Americans these days want to keep a distance from.

When people are homeless we assume they lost the home they had, are fleeing some inferior home they occupied in some unwise place or for some unknown reason for which THEY are solely to blame.  Or are not smart enough.  Or were born into a caste system where they never really had the very basic of human needs.

Yes #kindnessalwayswins

Whichever is the case, and in some cases we assume there are many, clearly THEY are not US.  Most certainly they are also lesser than.

The images of so many immigrant families standing on line, or in 2019 American parlance cutting in line, in order to make a life in the United States is our other new version of those people without homes.  Those people who are homeless.

Imagine the effort it takes to leave the place in which you were raised by accident of your birth and come to a strange country where you likely do not speak the language and have few, if any prospects other than the fact that you won’t be murdered in cold blood.

Could YOU make the journey?  Would YOU make the journey?  Finally, WHY would YOU make the journey?

You were born and raised in Honduras, Nicaragua, Syria, Guatemala, et al.  You’d leave everything behind with the pipe dream of making your home in the United States?  What could possibly make you think a homeless person should be lucky enough to be given a HOME in the United States???

Of course, the answer is every one of those people making that journey already have a HOME, i.e. a place where they can feel safe and warm, because they brought it with them from their own country. 

We should all be the Baileys welcoming the Martinis #breadsaltwine

It might not be brick and mortar or discernible by the contents of their suitcases or the money in their wallets.  Sometimes, it is merely a spot where they know they are okay, or will be okay in the face of adversity.  For each and every one of us, home is at least partly that or we are, indeed, the ones who are truly homeless.

As the world shifts, drowns and burns, and the borders of our respective countries of origin are slowly beginning to be sealed off, it’s important we be clear on who and what makes a real home.

As the offspring of two sets of immigrant grandparents, and a member of at least two minority groups still persecuted very actively worldwide, I know how and where I LIVE is not the determinant of who I AM.

… plus it’s not like I have an infinity pool #soLA

I especially know this after buying my first house a mere three years ago in a city prone these days to natural disasters.

If I lost it tomorrow, yes, I’d be devastated.  But I would never consider myself homeless.

Nor should you.  In regards to yourself or anyone else.  And that’s especially true if you right now you are fortunate enough to have any sort of physical roof over your head.

Diana Ross – “Home” (from The Wiz)