Singin’ in the Rain

Speaking for everyone in California, because why wouldn’t I, let me assure the country and the world that the vast majority of us here on the left coast are okay.

More than 24.5 trillion gallons of water has fallen from the skies since the end of the year and it is continuing to pour at least through this weekend. 

Yet we soldier on. 

In Hollywood we know how to make it work

I mean, we hosted the Golden Globes between storms this week and gave the beloved Jennifer Coolidge an international platform so clearly NOTHING can stop us from providing you the entertainment you so richly deserve in 2023.  

On the other hand, more than 17 people have died in the last few weeks from flooding and trees falling. And if you factor in extreme weather related accidents across the world you’d likely find many hundreds more.

But still.  Still….it’s a Zen west coast thing to stay positive.  So let’s do so as our newly installed D.C. Congress works tirelessly to put an end to the deleterious effects of climate change by passing new laws and legislating against corporate malfeasance.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Clearly this has to be our energy for 2023

Okay, you know, what?  It’s true.  The rain and the fact that sociopathic liar George Santos (R-NY) not only remains in Congress but is GAY (Note: Wish I could say he was lying about THAT but he scores 112% on my personal Gaydar) has really gotten to me.

Though what hasn’t are the many calls, texts and social media messages I’ve received from friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers expressing concern for what they’re seeing happening to California on the news.

This is the case with lots of fellow Angelenos and other state residents I’ve talked to through this and truly it’s touching.  And kind of gives me hope for where we all could be going as a country if we ever get out collective acts together.

Us too!

That’s why for this week’s post I want to honestly reflect what it’s like be in the eye of the California storms all week.

What it truly means is…all week… everyday… all you think about are… rain…s ongs.

That’s right, songs. 

With the word rain in the title. 

It happens whether you want it to or not.  Or whether you like it or not.  Just when it begins to stop, like the rain, it recurs. 

Again and again. 

Gazing longingly out a rain soaked window

The minute you hear the patter or pounding, drive through a flooded intersection or up and around a slick winding canyon road, some god-forsaken tune imbeds in your brain and won’t let up.

Forget about what happens when you’re walking the dog or simply moseying down a sunny street and get drenched in an unexpected downpour.  That’s when a particularly relentless tune imbeds. 

And you can’t get rid of it all night or into the next day.

You’re welcome

No surprise that the Chair’s way of dealing with this endless melodic onslaught was to make a list.  Stumped by solutions to either global warming or George Santos and his gutless political party, it’s offered up as the 10 BEST of what you can expect when, not IF, extreme climate knocks on your back door.

(Note: Separate lists can be provided for snow, wind, frost or heat).

#10 – It Never Rains in Southern California – Albert Hammond

This seemed rather obvious but I couldn’t get it out of my f-n mind for FOUR days and had to include it.

#9 – Here Comes the Rain Again – Eurythmics

Thank God Annie Lenox came into my mind.  I felt really cool for the several hours I dared to hum HER song.

#8 – Fire and Rain – James Taylor

I was inside and working on writing something that took place in the past, the seventies to be exact.  It was a time when James Taylor (Note: And Me) had lusciously long locks and was a really, really, REALLY hard reality to let go of.

#7 – Rainy Days and Mondays – Carpenters

Do NOT laugh!  Karen Carpenter had the clarion voice of an angel.  And it was my late friend Deb’s go-to song when she felt the need to ditch high school and I felt the need to meet her after school and hang out in her tiny yellow bedroom listening to show tunes or top 10 hits when we were both too existentially low to deal with anything else (Note:  I, myself, was way too goody two shoes to ditch school).

#6 – I Can’t Stand the Rain – Tina Turner

Sometimes the rain makes you feel sexy and there is nothing sexier than Tina Turner, even for me.

#5 – Set Fire to the Rain – Adele

Other times the rain is a twee anthem and who does that better than Adele?

#4 – Don’t Rain On My Parade – Barbra Streisand

Must I explain this?  I’m Jewish and a gay man.

#3 – It’s Raining Men – The Weather Girls

See above.

#2 – Purple Rain – Prince

Prince literally reinvented and redefined rain till the end of time.  It was a pleasure to have him in my head at the peak of his popularity and actually made me feel like a rock star for a moment or two.

#1 – Singin’ in the Rain – Gene Kelly

Nevertheless, my heart belongs to the movies.  They say Hollywood is the Dream Factory, right?  Feeling like a movie star playing a movie star who is really just a regular guy in love with everything is the ultimate fantasy.  And it wins you over, whether you want it to or not.  Much like a really great Hollywood film does, regardless of age.

Did the Chair miss a rainy day classic? Comment below with more soggy suggestions.

Stormy Weather

I’m an awful person.

When I heard that right wing radio host gadfly/gazillionaire Rush Limbaugh called the dire warnings about Hurricane Irma part of a liberal conspiracy to further discussion on climate change – and then decided to evacuate his fat ass from his southern Florida home several days later on Thursday – all I could think of was: Keep your fat ass at home.

You know I’m right

Then I heard about right wing author gadfly/gazillionaire Ann Coulter’s tweet a week ago:

And all I could think of then was: Take you and your black Lycra cocktail dress down to Rush’s house in coastal Florida and let’s see how adept the two of you really are at navigating shark and ALLIGATOR infested waters, yard sale Barbie. (Note: Thanks, Tina Fey).

GURL YES

If this weren’t enough, former Growing Pains star and evangelical something or other Kirk Cameron was then quoted as saying this about the back-to-back appearances of both Hurricanes Harvey and Irma:

God “causes [storms] to happen for punishment, or to water His land and demonstrate His faithful love…What this should be doing for all of us is causing us to remember that it’s God who supplies our life, breath and everything else so that you and I would reach out to Him…So think about that, maybe share that with your kids when they ask why this is happening. 

STOP THE MADNESS

I knew there was a reason I didn’t have kids. I’d never be able to explain to them with a straight face that hundreds of people died because the Lord overwatered his flowerbeds.   Nor could I ever be able to explain how I managed to get put in jail for wishing painful venereal warts on a mentally imbalanced former child star on Facebook. (Note: Both he and I, since his pronouncement was in a much read and re-circulated Facebook post).

By the way, did you know that hurricanes are named by something called the World Meteorological Organization and that the names are done in alphabetical order but skip the letters q, u, x, y and z? This accounts for the seeming randomness of Harvey and Irma while causing people like myself too many sleepless nights wondering just what the hell is wrong with the names Zelda, Yanni or Ursula.   (#TooLiberal?)

OK now I’ve gone off the deep end

When I found myself wondering desperately about hurricane names my husband instantly got the answer for me. He’s quick on these things and it’s one of the thousands of the reasons I married him – he either always has or can always find an answer to any question that I ask. This is no small feat, as you can imagine.

Which is why it troubled me when out of nowhere he eventually blew his stack about the right wing doubter responses to hurricanes and their relation to climate change:

What do they need… the Four Horsemen on horseback?

This is another reason I married him. When he blows his stack it is short and often includes some random biblical reference to their jugulars that I could never think of in a million years B.C.

This is love.

I hate to admit that I am now living in a me against them world but I am now living in a me against them world. I mean, there is so little attention to facts and logic I often find myself screaming into my pillow or out towards anyone who will listen. And that’s because most of what’s said is all so provocative and vindictive just for vindictiveness’ sake – fueled by dollops of insurgency, emotion and endless disguised attempts/quests to reign in popularity… said the man who has written a weekly blog for the last five years for no other reason than to… Well, let’s not get off topic.

Truth be known, I have never actively tried to advocate for one side. What one finds as one gets older and has had decades of therapy with at least a few insights, is that the only side one can truly advocate for is one’s personal point of view. Take this little nugget from liberal America which (yes – surprise, surprise) really pissed me off.

Say it ain’t so, chairy!!

Recently, Senator Bernie Sanders went on television (Note: Okay, it was Stephen Colbert’s show) to refute thoughts Hillary Clinton had written about her 2016 campaign for both the Democratic nomination for president and as the Democratic nominee for president.   Deciding for the umpteenth time not to verbally get into the grimy details of a policy debate, Sen. Sanders instead responded to her words with this dismissive retort:

Look, Secretary Clinton ran against the most unpopular candidate in the history of this country—and she lost, and she was upset about that.

Of course, this begs the question that it was Bernie Sanders that first lost to Hillary Clinton. Which most certainly makes him more of a loser than she is because by logic there is only one candidate more unpopular than the winner of the presidency – and that is the person who lost the presidency to him. The candidate Sen. Sanders managed to LOSE TO at the ballot box.

Just move along now please

I don’t know about you but these days I am indeed loaded for bear – liberal, conservative or anywhere in between. And I don’t even know how to shoot a gun. Well, one with bullets anyway.

We’re all finding our ways to cope.

Eurythmics – “Here Comes the Rain Again”