Singin’ in the Rain

Speaking for everyone in California, because why wouldn’t I, let me assure the country and the world that the vast majority of us here on the left coast are okay.

More than 24.5 trillion gallons of water has fallen from the skies since the end of the year and it is continuing to pour at least through this weekend. 

Yet we soldier on. 

In Hollywood we know how to make it work

I mean, we hosted the Golden Globes between storms this week and gave the beloved Jennifer Coolidge an international platform so clearly NOTHING can stop us from providing you the entertainment you so richly deserve in 2023.  

On the other hand, more than 17 people have died in the last few weeks from flooding and trees falling. And if you factor in extreme weather related accidents across the world you’d likely find many hundreds more.

But still.  Still….it’s a Zen west coast thing to stay positive.  So let’s do so as our newly installed D.C. Congress works tirelessly to put an end to the deleterious effects of climate change by passing new laws and legislating against corporate malfeasance.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Clearly this has to be our energy for 2023

Okay, you know, what?  It’s true.  The rain and the fact that sociopathic liar George Santos (R-NY) not only remains in Congress but is GAY (Note: Wish I could say he was lying about THAT but he scores 112% on my personal Gaydar) has really gotten to me.

Though what hasn’t are the many calls, texts and social media messages I’ve received from friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers expressing concern for what they’re seeing happening to California on the news.

This is the case with lots of fellow Angelenos and other state residents I’ve talked to through this and truly it’s touching.  And kind of gives me hope for where we all could be going as a country if we ever get out collective acts together.

Us too!

That’s why for this week’s post I want to honestly reflect what it’s like be in the eye of the California storms all week.

What it truly means is…all week… everyday… all you think about are… rain…s ongs.

That’s right, songs. 

With the word rain in the title. 

It happens whether you want it to or not.  Or whether you like it or not.  Just when it begins to stop, like the rain, it recurs. 

Again and again. 

Gazing longingly out a rain soaked window

The minute you hear the patter or pounding, drive through a flooded intersection or up and around a slick winding canyon road, some god-forsaken tune imbeds in your brain and won’t let up.

Forget about what happens when you’re walking the dog or simply moseying down a sunny street and get drenched in an unexpected downpour.  That’s when a particularly relentless tune imbeds. 

And you can’t get rid of it all night or into the next day.

You’re welcome

No surprise that the Chair’s way of dealing with this endless melodic onslaught was to make a list.  Stumped by solutions to either global warming or George Santos and his gutless political party, it’s offered up as the 10 BEST of what you can expect when, not IF, extreme climate knocks on your back door.

(Note: Separate lists can be provided for snow, wind, frost or heat).

#10 – It Never Rains in Southern California – Albert Hammond

This seemed rather obvious but I couldn’t get it out of my f-n mind for FOUR days and had to include it.

#9 – Here Comes the Rain Again – Eurythmics

Thank God Annie Lenox came into my mind.  I felt really cool for the several hours I dared to hum HER song.

#8 – Fire and Rain – James Taylor

I was inside and working on writing something that took place in the past, the seventies to be exact.  It was a time when James Taylor (Note: And Me) had lusciously long locks and was a really, really, REALLY hard reality to let go of.

#7 – Rainy Days and Mondays – Carpenters

Do NOT laugh!  Karen Carpenter had the clarion voice of an angel.  And it was my late friend Deb’s go-to song when she felt the need to ditch high school and I felt the need to meet her after school and hang out in her tiny yellow bedroom listening to show tunes or top 10 hits when we were both too existentially low to deal with anything else (Note:  I, myself, was way too goody two shoes to ditch school).

#6 – I Can’t Stand the Rain – Tina Turner

Sometimes the rain makes you feel sexy and there is nothing sexier than Tina Turner, even for me.

#5 – Set Fire to the Rain – Adele

Other times the rain is a twee anthem and who does that better than Adele?

#4 – Don’t Rain On My Parade – Barbra Streisand

Must I explain this?  I’m Jewish and a gay man.

#3 – It’s Raining Men – The Weather Girls

See above.

#2 – Purple Rain – Prince

Prince literally reinvented and redefined rain till the end of time.  It was a pleasure to have him in my head at the peak of his popularity and actually made me feel like a rock star for a moment or two.

#1 – Singin’ in the Rain – Gene Kelly

Nevertheless, my heart belongs to the movies.  They say Hollywood is the Dream Factory, right?  Feeling like a movie star playing a movie star who is really just a regular guy in love with everything is the ultimate fantasy.  And it wins you over, whether you want it to or not.  Much like a really great Hollywood film does, regardless of age.

Did the Chair miss a rainy day classic? Comment below with more soggy suggestions.

The Golden Gavel

The most talked about show this week was the one where a group of adult politicians squirmed in desperation, objected in glee and eventually screamed with pride as they finally, after 15 torturous televised parliamentary procedure-moderated votes, managed to elect a new Speaker of the 2023 U.S. House of Representatives.

Well whoop de doo

And yet no single image summed up the marathon. multi-day event better than this behind-the-scenes photo snapped of Rep. Katie Porter (D-CA), she of handy-dandy, I will school you, portable white board fame, as she sat patiently waiting for the just barely-in-the-majority opposing party to get it together enough to agree on some one to take possession of that much hallowed Speaker’s gavel.

We stan

When Holly, our beloved NFAC executive editor, private messaged me the photo of our beloved Katie reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck amid all the chaos on the House Floor my first thought was:

 OMG, I bet that’s exactly what she’d say after a glass a wine and exactly what she’d do, née read publicly, if she WASN’T a politician.

I also thought. What a f’n great title for a book!  Someone should write that rather than just spend time merely reproducing it for some snide meme people like me would like.

Well, never let it be said that I don’t tell tales on myself out of school and don’t appreciate former college professor Katie (Note: And current one, Holly) for both their nerve AND for schooling me once more.

As it turns out, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, written by blogger Mark Manson, is indeed a REAL BOOK.  In fact, it’s a N.Y. Times bestseller that to date has sold 20 million copies and has been translated into 65 different languages. 

And it has a sequel!

Not only that, but he’s the subject of a 2023 documentary feature now playing in movie theatres, entitled….well, figure it out.

I’m so out of it. 

But, well, at least I know it.  And clearly I DON’T give a f*ck.   Nothing subtle about that.

Cheers to you Chairy!

But let’s get back to Katie and Mark and how together they’ve captured the national zeitgeist, as far as public reaction goes, to the Speaker of the House election.

“F” bombs flew, fingers wagged, and a fistfight nearly broke out among that very special group of political, ahem, elites, by the time a razor thin majority of Republicans dragged their new leader, Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA), across the finish line. 

The final vote had McCarthy with 50.5% of the chamber, excluding six members of his own party that could only bring themselves to vote present (Note: A House version of abstaining) rather than granting their candidate a full-on endorsement.

Press it again!

This, of course, was nowhere near the spectacle of the Jan. 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol Building that ironically occurred exactly two years ago to the day in exactly the same place  and in front of many of the same people that this final vote was taking place.

Way back on Jan. 6, 2021  there was a storming of the entire Capitol Building to stop the count of a free and fair PRESIDENTIAL election.  And on that day many, many dozens of people were actually physically injured, including 140 members of law enforcement.   Windows and doors were broken, offices were defaced and feces were spread all over the walls.

Oh and also, five people died.

Never forget

A number of politicians who supported that insurrection, attempted coup or patriotic peaceful protest of the Republican base of disgruntled and suspicious voters – depending on how you want it referred to and whether you believe in fact or fiction – were, in fact, actually among those whose votes, or votes of PRESENT, granted Rep. McCarthy his….victory two years later.

People like Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), the subject of an extensive federal probe of sex-trafficking/having sex with a 17-year-old girl; and Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO), a twice arrested gun enthusiast and anti-gay marriage crusader who believes the church is supposed to direct the (U.S.) government.

This this this

Not to mention several more we won’t name who were in on the planning of Jan. 6 2021, along with POTUS #45.

Speaking of #45, another McCarthy voter, Rep. Marjorie Taylor-Greene (R-GA), she of the Jewish space lasers, gleefully approached one of the McCarthy PRESENT holdouts with her cell phone at the 11th hour and urged him to take the call of D.T. (aka #45), which he promptly refused.  (Note: Okay, twist my arm, it was Rep. Matt Rosendale (R-CO)).

But, as the reporting goes, #45 did manage to reach Rep. Gaetz and urged him to wrap things up and get the vote done.

Which, miraculously, he did at the eleventh and a half hour.

But not before Rep. Greene was then caught by intrepid C-SPAN cameras yucking it up with about to be newly minted, lair, liar pants on fire Congressman George Santos (R-NY).

Where’s my cringe button?

In case you don’t remember, that’s the guy who lied about everything on his resume, including his college degree, work history in finance, and mysterious million dollar plus increase in annual income in 2021 and 2022 (Note: From $50,000 the year prior), that became one of the chief funding mechanisms that enabled his campaign win.

Like Gaetz,  #45 and a bunch of other Congressional McCarthy voters, he is also currently the subject of multiple investigations.

I guess this isn’t funny.  Or maybe it is.   We’ll know in a few months. 

But how many of us will give a you know what about it, or much of anything, by then?

“The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” Trailer