You are SO not invited to my Oscar party

Hollywood is like high school with money.

It’s a funny old expression that at this point seems a little too easy, if not reductive. 

Sure, there are a lot of mean girls and guys in the entertainment industry that like to punch their power and wealth right between the eyes of all those they deem below them.  That is to say, the rest of us. 

And these types don’t necessarily all live in Hollywood. 

There are those Kens in Barbieland

Hollywood is more of a metaphorical placeholder really, a state of mind that is applicable to any person doing well in film, TV, music and emerging /social media. 

And the bromide is that those at the top enjoy pleasuring themselves by showing off their successes…and in turn denying others opportunities or access to anything or anyone that might help them to also make something of themselves.

Sorry Regina

Like cliquey high school kids at the top of the pack, this group takes great pride at having “made it” and have much invested in forcing those desiring the same to pay their dues and maybe even grovel before granting them any sort of seat at the table.

But hey, it’s 2024.   That’s a dated cliché these days, right?

I mean, you all saw the Oscars. 

We sure did Chairy

Can any group of people rocking out uninhibitedly on international TV to Barbie’s “I’m Just Ken,” all aglow in pink lights, be as petty and mean as this expression paints them?

Well……perhaps. 

On Wednesdays we wear pink

This week there were multiple Hollywood news reports that political comic Bill Maher – he in his 22nd year of HBO’s very long-running Real Time with Bill Maher – fired his CAA agents after 20 plus years.

Of course, this is not unheard of.  Lots of people in Hollywood “part ways” with their reps, and at least half the time both parties have contributed to the fissure. 

But what made this time unusual, and brought back the Hollywood/high school analogy, was this exclusive headline that announced it in the Hollywood Reporter.

Yes, as the story goes, Maher was furious (Note: Hollywood speak for throwing a hissy fit) that he was not invited to top CAA agent Bryan Lourd’s huge annual, star-studded private Oscar party at Lourd’s home on Saturday night.

This party, as Stefon would say, usually has everything.  Well, everything at least as far as our fictional version of Hollywood is concerned.

Everything… except Bill

That would be top stars such as Jennifer Aniston, Julia Roberts and Margot Robbie, important producers like Jason Blum and Brian Grazer, many of the top studio heads (Bob Iger, Brian Robbins, Pam Abdy), longtime industry power brokers like Barry Diller and, this year only, even U.S. vice-president Kamala Harris.

In other words, it’s not only a place to get a Grade A+ piece of fish, brisket or vegetarian substitute, but a party to be seen at, make deals at, or generally bask in the afterglow of success among your peers at.

Imagine NOT being invited to the PARTY??????????

Oops

And just when you begin to think the business of show is so much more than the pettiness of partying or the tantrums of temper and terminations on a fleeting and ever-changing phantom boat of Hollywood A-listers.

To be fair (Note: Though on this subject, why bother?) it could be Maher had other reasons that contributed to firing his agency after more than two decades. 

Though I doubt it.

Begin hissy fit

It’s also possible that his agency was cutting back on guests this year (Note:  Highly unlikely) or didn’t consider him attendance-worthy because his major film credits are D.C. Cab (1983), Ratboy (1986) and Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1988) (Note: The latter of which he co-starred with Shannon Tweed).

Still, highly unlikely.

Because as someone who has worked in and around the biz for the last forty plus years, all I could think of when I read this exclusive Hollywood Reporter news item was:

Sounds right.

Uh huh

That’s because Maher has spent the last few years on his show whining about the world, especially young people, being too “woke,” which always felt like code for, Why can’t I still make the misogynistic jokes I always have and how come so many less people are laughing? 

Not to mention him giving voice to numerous conspiracy theorists on Real Time or going on Joe Rogan’s podcast and agreeing that Joe Biden is, indeed, mentally compromised and not a very good president.

Ugh god

If you’re CAA that’s not the kind of client you want at your Oscar party, hobnobbing with the likes of Kamala Harris.  So what if he’s a longtime client who has made us millions in commissions –  he has nothing to do with the Oscars or movies and he’ll get over it!

Think of it as the pre-hissy fit that happened right before the newsworthy one.

Ironically, on Friday night’s Real Time,  Maher spent part of his concluding New Rules segment chastising the audience on “whining about the small stuff in life.”

Yeah Bill

So you would think after decades of telling us and the rest of the world off, he would know how Hollywood works. 

At any moment you (Note: Yes, YOU!) can be cut from the guest list and disinvited to the party.

It’s the same as it ever was.

Talking Heads – “Once in a Lifetime”

The Dreaded Third Act

I decided this week that we have not reached the third act of Donald Trump but, rather, America’s third act with or without…HIM.  After all, it’s ultimately all of US who are the main character in this tawdry story and whose fates hang in the balance.  We’ve got the most at stake and we’re the downtrodden potential hero any reasonable audience will be rooting for.

So….I decided to consult an expert.   

Time for research!

Screen and television writer-producer Tony McNamara (Poor Things, The Great) recently wrote a piece for the L.A. Times where he likened the writer’s experience of writing a screenplay, especially its third act, to the three-act structure journey we usually send our main character (Note: They used to call them heroes in the old days, but Donald has forever ruined that) on in our movies. 

And since McNamara used his experience writing the crazy, bold and currently Oscar-nominated adapted screenplay for Poor Things, a film that under most circumstances would never get made, much less released, by a major Hollywood studio (Note: Nor certainly in a country ruled by an aspiring dictator) as a metaphor, I figured what he had to say was noteworthy.

Ready for it!

Here’s how he sees it:

The first act is the writers’ setup and then acceptance and commitment to take on the daunting task of telling – and actually agreeing to write – the story. 

In McNamara’s case this was particularly daunting since Poor Things was based on a Scottish novel and he had never adapted a screenplay from a book, much less one set in Victorian London, that was both “a gothic comedy fantasy and a philosophical satire about shame” centered on a woman (Bella Baxter) who is “reanimated to life when her own baby’s brain is put into her head.”

This may explain why she is always looking surprised

Nevertheless, we screenwriters tend to be nothing else if not game, much in the way many of we Americans used to be in our not-so-distant pasts. (Note: See the 1960s and/or 1970s for examples).

The second act, according to McNamara, is the actual writing process – meaning facing all the obstacles, challenges and conflicts set up along the way for our characters during the process of writing them, and solving them cleverly, dramatically and even with some outrageous humor.

No need to go into details of what he had to do with his screenplay here, except to say that, like most history, Bella’s narrative in the novel was told, and thus controlled, by the men in her life.  It was their version of her story with them, taking place in their world. 

You know… like him

So the decision was made that the movie “story” would instead focus on Bella’s journey of growth and discovery, as well as the failure of traditional society (e.g. men) to control her.  It took the whole project in a new and exciting direction, moving McNamara quickly through much of the scenes he had planned up to that familiar moment in almost every movie, and in many a writers’ nightmare, when a hero/heroine/society’s dream turns to crap and they, and their writer, are faced with –

The dreaded third act. 

noooooo

That point where the writer, and the movie, must pick up their main character (Note: Or even country, if it aspires to be heroic) out of the gutter, figure out a believable solution to the problem at hand, and then come up with a plan of action which will lead to a solution that will resolve the story in a true, believable and somewhat satisfying (though not necessarily happy for everyone) way worthy of said character, its people, and the audience (Note: Or citizenry) living and/or viewing it.

What this meant for the third act of Poor Things can be viewed onscreen (Note: No Spoilers here!) and through the accolades and mostly positive attention it has received from filmgoers and critics since its debut at the Venice Film Festival in the fall of 2023.

But know that it wasn’t easy getting there. 

Writers brain

McNamara recalls that at that structural point in his and his film’s journey he was panicked, convinced everything he had planned would happen could now never work, and found himself unable to come up with any solutions. 

At All. 

Nothing.  Nada. 

Except sheer panic.

Eventually, and after much thought about, well, A LOT of things, this prompted him to send an email to the director with the words:

It’s too hard.  We tried.  Let’s never speak of this again.

I quit

And a promise to return all the money he was paid to face, what seemed at the time, an impossible task – yet one that with more time, thought and renewed focus would turn out to be anything but.

Most of the writers I know, myself included, have either lived or lives in fear of the moment McNamara experienced as his third act loomed.  Of course, It doesn’t always happen in that spot. 

For me it’s usually later on, midway through the second draft, where I suddenly begin to hyperventilate, what have I done?, out loud to myself as I slowly begin to realize the whole thing is falling apart. 

OK I haven’t taken it this far… yet

For others it happens at the beginning, when they have to start, or have started, to their dissatisfaction.  Still others have their moment near or at the conclusion, sure every bit of it will not work and that it will mark a real ending for them personally, one they had never anticipated and certainly never intended.

Often it takes the form of a voice that says:

There is NO recovery from this for me. The end is near and there is nothing to be done about it but pack it in, submit to the looming defeat that is about to come and hide in shame until it passes.  Maybe you try to live on, but likely you won’t, certainly not in the way that you have been.

Making a swift exit helps

Well, I can’t help but feel that many voters in America are in a similar panic mode as they face the current end of act two low point of the Trump Era and contemplate his very well-publicized, gasping grab at a victorious third act…For Himself.

So we need to ask ourselves this:

Whose game are we playing?  His?  Or ours?  Whose narrative is this?  Who is the star of this movie – US, or Him?  (Note: Ironically, when asked about films he likes he rejects anything contemporary and often cites Sunset Boulevard (A former star who lives in the past and is going stark raving mad) or Citizen Kane (A bitter mogul whose life ends with him moaning for a toy that gave him one single fleeting moment of childhood happiness he was doomed to never experience again in his adult life).

Today at Mar-a-lago

Hey, I like them too.  But think about it.

Also, think about this. 

There are many other tough, smart Black women willing to follow in NY Attorney General Letitia James’ and Atlanta DA Fani Willis’ footsteps into the white hot national spotlight of scrutiny in order to slay the MAGA dragon and save the country, and in turn, democracy.

But they can’t do it alone. Nor should they have to.

Let’s do this

The least the rest of us can do is stop whining about Trump and wringing our hands over Joe Biden’s age and start publicly opposing the MAGA agenda at every single chance we get – verbally, financially and at the ballot box.

We need to write our own Third Act before the Orange Menace does it for us and determines our Final Solution.

Poor Things dancing scene