Hollywood from the Couch

I spent part of this weekend binge-watching the first three episodes of the new, gay-themed Canadian sports romance series, Heated Rivalry, on HBO despite being told the death of the movies was upon us.

Once again.

In any other era this would be sacrilegious for a movie lover.

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Allow me to explain

The funereal panic was related to the announcement that Netflix was buying Warner Bros. Discovery for the incomprehensible price (NOTE: To me, anyway.  I’m still smarting over $10 eggs) of $82.7 billion. A pending deal that, according to the N.Y. Times, could redefine Hollywood and the broader media landscape.

I have no doubt the above is true since Hollywood and media has been consistently redefining itself every couple of years since I first became professionally involved with it in the late 1970s.

Yes, I have all the career, financial and personal battle scars to prove it.  And one night, over cocktails, I’ll tell you all about if you so desire.  

all about eve gifs Page 2 | WiffleGif
Maybe some snowy night by the fire…

But more to the point, I have all the iterations of media and my own work to prove it.

Unopened boxes in my closet that contain VHS recordings of rare movies taped from network TV, cassette and eight tracks of movie soundtracks (Note: And more than a few vinyl records), a neatly tied bundle of laser discs (Note: A very short but very cool tech period, in my humble opinion), many drawers of CD movie themes/songs I bought or were sent to me from studios during awards seasons or for promotional purposes, and several walls full of DVDs my husband and I love having on hand even though three quarters of them are available on streaming services.

Add to that hundreds of original screenplays, pilots and treatments (Note: Several dozens of them my own) of very good work that was never made because they weren’t big enough, commercial enough, contemporary enough, relatable enough, young enough or just plain enough enough for the theatrical film market as it stood at the time.

Speaking for those projects that I DID NOT write, since no one can be objective about their own work, I promise you that determination is and was BULLSH-T since all of them could have been enough if given the chance.

Hi! I'm Anxiety. — World of Miley
Ya got that right

But, of course, it depends on what you mean by enough.  My definition is a film, or potential film or film element, that is entertaining or meaningful or satisfying to  group of people other than your friends and relatives. 

The theatrical deciders’ definition is a piece of material that will make them unlimited scads of money for the smallest amount of risk despite the tried and true adage, Nothing ventured, Nothing gained.

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Main priority

Meaning, screenwriter William Goldman’s summation of the movie business and all its marketplace gatekeepers in his seminal 1983 memoir Adventures in the Screen Trade still, and perennially, applies:

NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING.

What especially no one knows anymore is what a movie is by 2025 and beyond standards and how it should or will be consumed. (Note:  Consumed?  What a horrible but applicable choice of words, as if we’re eating soylent green, though in a sense we are).

The chief complaint about Netflix and other streaming platforms is that their mere existence spells the death knell of the movie business, and the fact that it’s gobbling up one of what remains of a handful of big Hollywood studios ushers in the end of “movies.”

Well the view from my office would certainly change

After all, what incentive does Netflix have for people to watch a film outside of their homes, in a theatre (aka, the definition of a “real” movie)?

About as much as David Zaslav, a former cable/streaming exec who was put in charge of theatrical when he was made CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery in 2022 cares about it. 

Skeletor From Masters Of The Universe Trivia
His company portrait

Though probably more, since one of Zaslav’s first acts when put in charge was a cost-cutting measure that would’ve ended the one cable channel most beloved by movie lovers, TCM (Turner Classic Movies), as we know it, until filmmakers Paul Thomas Anderson and Martin Scorsese and others stepped in to exert a little… ahem… pressure.

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Bless you, Marty

This while Netflix stepped up and made movies and deals with some of the top directors in the movie business, including Martin Scorsese (The Irishman), Guillermo del Toro (Frankenstein), Rian Johnson (Knives Out II and III) and Greta Gerwig (the upcoming Chronicles of Narnia) and her husband Noah Baumbach (the just-released George Clooney starrer, Jay Kelly). 

All of these films have had or will have theatrical runs of various lengths and all the work of these and most other filmmakers will likely continue to do so.

Are they or will they be as long as they used to be?  Well, um, no.

Debating GIFs | Tenor
I mean… I think I could be OK with that

But to all of the movie consumers out there – nerds, intellectuals, horror fanatics, foreign film fans, the super-hero obsessed or rom-com fanatics – how many times have you uttered these four words in the last number of years:

Is it streaming yet?

a man in a yellow jacket is waving his hand
Guilty!

It is worth noting the film most likely to win this year’s best picture Oscar and, for my money, the best film of 2025, Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another, was a Warner Bros. release that played a mere eight weeks before being available to rent or buy on streamers. 

This is not very long at all by traditional standards. And will undoubtedly vary depending on how much demand there is to see a film and how much money can be made on them.

One Gif After Another : r/paulthomasanderson
… and there he goes

I used to marvel when my parents recounted to me there was a time that they huddled around the RADIO to listen to original serialized storytelling.  The same way I did to my husband a few years ago when I suddenly realized true crime podcasts were becoming the new commercial “thing,” making something very recognizably radio popular again.

Do I long for the old days of movies?

Not so much.

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I’m with Margo

What I long for instead are the days of more good and great movies and less pure commercial garbage for the mythical lowest common denominator, non-thinking international, four quadrant audience.

And on that subject, I’d put more faith in Netflix than in the guy who treated Dr. Pimple Popper and 90 Day Fiancé with the same reverence as a Scorsese or Nolan film when he first listed them on HBO Max.

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Nuff said

Not that there is anything wrong with any film or TV show of any kind. Including the steamy Heated Rivalry, which I have every intention of watching in between this year’s Oscar movies – at the theatre and at home.

On my couch. 

Doom scrolling.

The Beach Boys – “In My Room”

Did I Almost Forget about the Oscars?

I’ve been excited for the announcement of the Oscar nominations every year for more than half a century.  I’m not sure exactly when and why it started but my earliest memory is being a really, really happy little boy when I heard Mary Poppins got a ton of nominations AND several months later literally  jumping up and down screaming when Julie Andrews walked up to the stage to accept the trophy as best actress.

Thinking about it now I wonder:

How did they not know I was gay?

Oh Mary!

Well okay, that’s not the only thought I have in my head. 

I am also recalling years when I rehearsed my own Oscar speech (in anticipation of a win even though I had yet to ever work on a movie); others when I was a reporter and actually had to get up at 5 in the morning to cover the damn thing live at the Academy (Note: Be careful what you wish for); and still others where I voluntarily woke up at 5 in the morning at home to watch it on TV and not miss a moment of elation or outrage.

And I’m only slightly embarrassed to admit that I was still doing that last one as a recently as, well, ahem, not that long ago.

Why? 

OK well yes…

I don’t know.  Why do you care about the Super Bowl or the World Series; the NBA Playoffs, Wimbledon or Monday Night Football; Paris Fashion Week, the Cannes Film Festival, the Grammys or the winner of Eurovision?

Maybe you don’t or maybe you do but in life it’s nice to look forward to something.

Finding joy where we can

Well, that ended this year.  It’s not that I wasn’t tracking potential nominees but on the twice-postponed Oscar nomination announcement day I woke up, did my morning routine (Note: Use your imagination), hung out and, right before leaving the house at 11 suddenly thought, ‘oh right, the Oscars. I better…check?’

It was kind of surreal.

Who am I?

Perhaps it’s age or the movies, but I don’t think so.  Maybe it’s the fact that parts of L.A. were on fire several weeks ago hastening the delay (Note: During which I did have to evacuate my house) so I got that and a lot of dates confused.  Not likely.

Mostly it was because I was keeping my mind on a bunch of other announcements that didn’t involve a svelte golden statuette but an engorged orange (and profoundly non-statuesque) one. 

Ugh

But these announcements were actually orders for actions that were not democratically voted on.  Things like:

  1. Releasing more than 1500 violent criminals from jail who severely beat up cops and broke into and entered the Capitol building, where they hunted down members of Congress (Note: And occasionally stopped to smear feces on the walls and destroy offices) all in order to subvert the peaceful transfer of power to a new president they didn’t vote for four years ago.
  2. Revoking President Lyndon B. Johnson’s 1965 order that guaranteed people of color and women equal opportunity to be hired, trained and employed by any agency in the federal government or any company or person who has a contract with said government, and
  3.  A termination to birthright U.S. citizenship even though it is literally written into the 14th amendment to the U.S. Constitution that anyone born in the U.S. IS a citizen of the U.S.

For further elucidation and analysis of said announcements and their implications you can also check out these articles in Axios and the NY Times.  Or simply use the google with the key words: recent executive orders for the source of your choice.

Do not judge me

As for the Oscar nominations, anyone who follows these things or longs for a little competitive glamour or excellence in their lives courtesy of the movies, or is simply slightly film obsessed, has their favorites and their inexcusables.  For me, it’s Timothée Chalamet’s performance in A Complete Unknown because I’m not sure how anyone can sound and act exactly like Bob Dylan, pretend they’re a young guy in the sixties, croon a tune to a pretend Woody Guthrie and go on to sing with and make love to a fake Joan Baez without making it a complete parody.  (Note: Also because his best actor Oscar for Call Me By Your Name got stolen by Gary Oldman seven years ago.  And no, I don’t forget).

Was this the most important cinematic moment of the year?  Certainly not.  But for me it was the most impressive and, anyway, as we all should know by now, that’s not what the Oscars are all about.

Nor should it be.

Also… sorry Timmy but better luck next time

The importance monicker is usually most omni-present in the best picture category, which pretty consistently reserves slots for movies that say something about social issues (Note: Forgetting the fact that ALL movies are social comments on our world), as well as advance the best of technology, execution or contemporary messages to be had from movies during that year. 

Personally, I think expanding the best picture category from a limit of five nominations to these days as many as TEN nominations (Note: It works through a weighted scale the Academy concocted that is too cumbersome to explain in anything less than a term paper) is somewhat equivalent to being awarded a yearly participation award in a small, local day camp.

“And you get an Oscar… and you… and you!”

Okay, perhaps that’s a bit much but AMPAS voting to expand the list of possible nominees in 2009 seemed more like a marketing tool for studios due to lagging box-office than anything else.

But in an age where our new 78-year-old POTUS just announced that Mel Gibson, Sylvester Stallone and Jon Voight are to serve as his special ambassadors to Hollywood (Note: News to them, since it was relayed only in a tweet, but fitting since they all reached stardom in those regrettable, greed is good eighties), it’s a welcome relief.

I will not go!

See, unlike MAGA voters the vast majority of all 10 best picture nominees this year focused on stories about diversity, equity and inclusion in regards to immigration, race, trans/LGBT representation, ageism, economic inequality and/or religious persecution.  And if you look back in history that tends to happen when political leaders spend their time taking away rights or lashing out at specific communities for power, or profit or simply because they can.

As I tell my students, movies are not life but, on the whole, they tend to absolutely reflect real life and the issues we, as a society are concerned about in that moment.

AMEN

This is why this year I am thrilled to have as many as TEN, if not more, best picture nominees vying for the Oscar.  I might be selling out my long-held views for political gain, but hey, at least it’s not to stay in office.

As for the list of this year’s films, they are: Anora, The Brutalist, A Complete Unknown, Conclave, Dune: Part Two, Emilia Perez, I’m Still Here, Nickel Boys, The Substance, and Wicked.

Let the voting begin

I’d be happy with any of them winning.  And not only because Gibson, Stallone, Voight had absolutely nothing to do with any of them, and they address rights and issues they and the guy they will be ambassador-ing for want to roll back and, preferably, erase.

Though, that helps. 

A lot.

Jonathan Bailey – “Dancing Through Life” (from Wicked)