We might be on the verge of voting in our first female president so it seems only fitting that in its closing days this election has suddenly become about…
Masculinity.
This is what happens in a country primarily ruled by men.
And, in terms of the top job, ONLY ruled by men.
As a gay man I’ve always had an odd relationship with the “M” word.
Macho. Effeminate. Toxic. Weak. Strong. Hot. Silent. Violent. Loving. Sensitive. Kind. Caring. Caretaker. Provider. Independent. Lone Wolf. Alpha. Beta. Follower. Leader. President. King.
Searching for identity through the decades I can testify that nobody knows exactly what “M” is because it depends on the situation and, quite frankly, the month and the year and the decade that you ask.
This is why most men that I know choose to take what they want from one or more of the above categories, as well as from others of their own (Note: And/or from those passed on to them by their families), mix it all together in adolescence and through their twenties, and emerge as you see them, nee us, today.
A messy experiment in maleness that has no real definition and knows no bounds. Or constraints.
True, I’m being a little cute by half. But some of us guys learn to do just that to confuse you. Though mostly it’s to avoid giving you a definitive answer or read on who we are.
We try to pretend we’ve got secrets.. But usually, in our quiet moments, we’re simply just as confused as you are. Or anyone.
This weekend I went to see The Apprentice, aka the Donald Trump origin story, so you wouldn’t have to. Actually, you should see it. It’s gritty, troubling, never-boring and features two top notch performances by Sebastian Stan (Younger Trump) and Jeremy Strong (Younger Trump’s lawyer/mentor Roy Cohn).
One of the things that might surprise you is that much of DJT’s big, bold, amoral, ruthless faux “masculine” behavior was taught to him by a small, closeted, gay Jewish man from New York City in the 1970s.
Okay, you might think you already know this but to actually see it fully dramatized on a great big movie screen is to finally really KNOW it.
Roy Cohn was a wealthy, powerful lawyer and kingmaker in New York. A thoroughly corrupt but extremely successful man who traveled in the most exclusive monied circles in the city who rose to fame as lawyer for the disgraced 1950’s right wing Commie-chasing Senator Joseph McCarthy, and as the U.S. Department of Justice prosecutor who won a questionable espionage case against Julius and Ethel Rosenberg and took public and very gleeful pride when it led to their electric chair executions in 1953 and left their two young children parentless.
But back to the film.
To see a fangless, twenty-something wannabe, pudgy, nothingburger Trump from Queens literally on his knees worshipping at the feet of the silk suited, Satanic Cohn – locking eyes into his death stare as various male assistants and boyfriends linger about and help him do his dirty work – is one of the great juxtapositions of hateful masculine power broking I’ve ever witnessed.
Whether it figuratively or literally happened in that moment, history and facts and Trump himself often credits Cohn’s three cold, creepy phrases as his North Star to success in life as a powerful and VERY Alpha Male.
- Attack, Attack, Attack
- Deny Everything and Admit Nothing (aka – What Is Truth?) – and –
- Never Admit Defeat (aka – Always Declare Victory)
The Cohn/Trump strongman is a fictional strawman packaged with a big red ribbon instead of a femmy pink one. A shell game and a blame game whose only end game is winning at all costs. In other words –personal gain.
It is this breach of masculinity that former President Obama stepped into this past week at a rally for Kamala Harris in Pittsburgh. Addressing the Trump by way of Cohn brand, he spoke specifically to the men in that very large (Note: The LARGEST!) crowd when he stated:
“I’m sorry, gentlemen, I’ve noticed…especially with some men who seem to think Trump’s behavior — the bullying and the putting people down — is a sign of strength…
Real strength is about working hard and carrying a heavy load without complaining. Real strength is about taking responsibility for your actions and telling the truth even when it’s inconvenient. Real strength is about helping people who need it and standing up for those who can’t always stand up for themselves.“
Obama was more blunt at a small campaign office full of Black men later that day when he pushed the message further and more personally. Noting that he was getting reports from the campaign that energy and turnout in black communities, especially among males, was not quite where it was when he was running, and that it “seems to be more pronounced with the brothers,” he told them point blank:
“Part of it makes me think — and I’m speaking to men directly — part of it makes me think that, well, you just aren’t feeling the idea of having a woman as president, and you’re coming up with other alternatives and other reasons for that…. Well, women in our lives have been getting our backs this entire time… When we get in trouble and the system isn’t working for us, they’re the ones out there marching and protesting.”
And for those on the fence, still tempted by the power brand of Trump, aka the strength he exudes, Obama had a calm, well-reasoned but extremely compelling contrast between the Black and Asian heritaged Kamala Harris and the Supremely White former president, and lawfully confirmed despite his inability to do so, 2020 presidential loser.
“On the one hand, you have somebody who grew up like you, knows you, went to college with you, understands the struggles and pain and joy that comes from those experiences…And on the other side, you have someone who has consistently shown disregard, not just for the communities, but for you as a person.”
It will be “interesting” to see whether a more evolved, 21st century type of “M” will break through the zeitgeist and allow the first woman in U.S. history, a woman of color no less, to occupy the Oval Office.
Yes allow. Because the old-fashioned kind does not cede the ground easily.
notes from a chair 