Hello, Goodbye (Colbert Edition)

Towards the end of It’s A Wonderful Life, after George Bailey regains his will to live, he runs joyously through the streets of his hometown of Bedford Falls, shouting Merry Christmas to everyone and everything in sight. 

Even Mr. Potter, the villainous slumlord who tried to crush George’s business by stealing his money, and crush his soul by driving him into suicidal existential despair.

Hey, Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter!, George beams as he spots his nemesis in the window and musters a big wide grin on his way home to a house full of family and friends.

Merry Christmas to you – in jail!, Potter bellows back to him, sure that George will be arrested for embezzlement the minute he steps foot in the door due to the money Potter clandestinely pilfered and the police and bank examiners he arranged to be at his home – on Christmas Eve, no less!

How Do Bankers Feel About 'It's a Wonderful Life'?
He’s so pleasant

Though that Frank Capra ending is 80 years old I couldn’t help but think of it as Stephen Colbert gracefully exited the stage of The Ed Sullivan Theatre after 11 years as the host of The Late Show, and the bile driven rage tweeting that followed right after by our ever rageful Gloater-in-Chief, who himself turns eighty years old next month.

As Colbert was joined by his mentor Jon Stewart, and the quartet of his fellow “competing” talk show hosts – Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers and John Oliver – all of whose shows went willfully dark in support of him that night, he talked about how his staff referred to the show as “the joy machine.”

looking for gifs of Colbert and Byrne that i saw online, but now can't find  : r/LateShow
I love this man

Contrast that to the late-night weigh-in from the White House (Note: 1:52 am, to be exact) where our own Mr. Potter bellowed:

Colbert is finally finished at CBS.  Amazing that he lasted so long!  No talent, no ratings, no life. He was like a dead person.  You could take any person off of the street and they would be better than this total jerk.  Thank goodness he’s finally gone!

That was followed by another tweet the following day – an AI video where AI GLOTUS yanks AI Colbert away during his monologue, deposits him in a dumpster and triumphantly gyrates to, YMCA.

Gay 1979 is calling and WE want our song back. 

Ymca GIFs | Tenor
I will never understand this

Not to mention, do he and his supporters even know what that song is really about????

Let me give you a clue:

It’s fun to stay at the YMCA, They have everything for young men to enjoy, You can hang out with all the boys…

It seemed only fitting that Colbert’s final guest was Paul McCartney, a guy known for his creativity and kindness, not to mention his status as a member of The Beatles, which first debuted to American and worldwide audiences at that very same Ed Sullivan Theatre in 1964.

Paul Mccartney 'Late Show' Interview Interrupted by Giant Wormhole
Both class acts

After recalling those days and sharing some memories, as well as briefly touching on America as iconic in entertainment and as a leader of “democracy,” Sir Paul was ushered out so Colbert and his gang of hosts could take charge backstage and try to conquer a symbolic wormhole portal that metaphorically threatened to swallow him and his show whole, along with any of the hosts that might dare to misbehave there or in the future.

It seemed like that extended comedy bit would be the end, especially once Colbert himself was inevitably sucked into that deep black hole of nothingness.  But luckily that was only momentary. 

Stephen Colbert says farewell to "The Late Show": "We were lucky enough to  be here for the last 11 years" - CBS News
A good kind of upside-down

He quickly reappeared in a dark afterlife-type void, singing along with Elvis Costello, his former bandleader John Batiste, and current bandleader Louis Cato, to a whimsical vintage Costello tune about political hypocrisy, Jump Up.

Again, a fitting, if this time more melancholy, way to wrap up. But luckily that wasn’t all either.

Very quickly the scene transitioned back to the fully lit Ed Sullivan Theatre where Paul McCartney stood center stage with a large in-house band performing the classic Beatles tune, Hello Goodbye.

Paul McCartney performs on "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert" with Louis Cato and The Great Big Joy Machine.
Who knew Stephen could sing?

As soon as Paul hit those memorable opening notes and sang the immortal words:

You Say Yes, I Say No, You Say Stop, And I say “Go, Go, Go,” Oh, no!….

Well, let’s say there was not a dry baby boomer eye in this house.  Or, I suspect, many others. 

Though how could you be sad when you saw the entire staff join him onstage, gleefully singing and dancing, along with the audience on their feet, led by Paul. 

Inside Colbert's Late Show Finale: 10 Things You Didn't See on TV -  LateNighter
the joy machine rocks one more time

Talk about full circle reinvention.  That song was first introduced to America by Sullivan from that stage on his show in 1967 with a filmed performance by The Beatles from England.

Yes, Colbert no longer has a show on CBS, a move that was clearly facilitated by behind-the-scenes GLOTUS pressure on the Ellison family and its desire for the government to approve its CBS-Paramount merger with Warner Bros.

Yet Colbert was sent off with a cavalcade of many of the biggest stars in the entertainment industry all year, culminating with a final week of accolades, ingenuity and emotion surrounded by countless friends and many members of his immediate, close knit real-life family.

Late Show: Jon Stewart Surprises Stephen Colbert With Recliner, Andra Day
Andra Day’s solo was a highlight!

According to the host, that will all culminate this Memorial Day weekend when even more members of the Colbert clan will gather together to attend the wedding of his beloved brother in Washington, DC.

Ironically, the same place our GLOTUS will be since he willingly chose NOT to attend the wedding of his oldest son.

Jump Up/Hello, Goodbye – Paul McCartney, Elvis Costello, Jon Batiste & Stephen Colbert

Who Wants to be a Billionaire?

If you’re upset you can’t afford holiday presents, or that you even have to buy holiday presents, be cheered by the confirmation once again of this salient fact –

Money does NOT buy happiness.

But you can rent it, right Chairy?

The richest man in the world was having a hissy fit this week because a bunch of reputable journalists posted stories about him and his whereabouts he didn’t like and couldn’t control.

Yes, Elon Musk is THE richest person on EARTH and a bunch of silly, bitchy and not even very revealing comments about him by reporters who work at places like CNN, The New York Times and The Washington Post pissed him off.  Not to mention a college student in Florida and what he wrote on his Twitter account. 

In fact, he suspended all their Twitter accounts, then banned them altogether, then reinstated them. 

He screamed (Note: Well, posted very loudly) they were violating his privacy by revealing the comings and goings of his private jet when that information is public record.  Forget that some of those reporters never even wrote about where he was.  They were instead commenting on his latest follies on the social media platform he now owns.

See, the richest man in the world bought Twitter for $44 billion this year in order to steer public discourse to his own liking. 

Ho Ho Ho

And even if it collapses under the weight of his toddler-y tantrums as he leads a band of digital dingbats to troll the libs, he will still be a multi-billionaire.

What it won’t do, though, is fill the deep hole of distaste for that which and those whom he cannot silence, or at least control.

Us.

Or, put in the spirit of holiday movies like It’s A Wonderful Life:

Elon will forever be Mr. Potter and….

WE ARE ALL GEORGE BAILEYS.

OK but the happy one right?

He will NEVER get his hands on our buildings and loans because we don’t look at the entire world as something we could ever, in reality, fully control. 

Certainly not with the cash and clout we have available to us in Christmas, 2022.

And how lucky are we for that?

Yes, lucky. 

Because we also learned this week that, aside from money, being the MOST POWERFUL PERSON ON THE PLANET (Note:  Which these days comes accompanied by a ton of money, or at least financial “opportunities”) also can’t come close to buying happiness.  Or even contentment.

Certainly not self-respect.

Bah humbug!

Yes, of course we’re talking about Tr-mp.  That’s a given.  But only in service or making a much larger point.

I mean, what would it take for you to hire/authorize/perhaps pay (Note: Well, maybe not the latter) a digital artist to create inferior drawings of you as a cowboy, a superhero, an astronaut or even fighter pilot, with a a strange, air-brushed slapped-on replica of your face and hair where the head is supposed to be?

For your sake and mine, we’ll post this instead. #yikes

It could conceivably be a fun party favor on your 50th, 60th or even 70th birthday under a tent, given to all invited guests.  You could imagine your spouse doing that behind your back without telling you, thinking you’d be pleased.

You might even be displeased but be forced to grin and bear it while resenting it, or even pretend to like it and then have it grow on you and sort of have it win you over because, hey, why not, what do YOU have to prove at this point, anyway, being so rich and powerful?

But no, imagine you actually WANT to create these faux objects d’art voluntarily, as YOUR merchandise from YOUR virtual merch store?  And voluntarily publicize and sell them to anyone in the world who wants to buy them for $99 a piece?

Wait, this is serious!

Um… what?

In your mind you ARE a superhero.  And maybe you were indeed an astronaut, a cowboy and a war pilot.  Who is to say that you were not?   

A liberal like me can joke all that he wants but hey, the Trump digital cards sold out in a day and they made $4.3 million.

I am clearly in the wrong business

At least that’s what THEY will counter.

But, well, is that a lot of money for a self-proclaimed billionaire?  More importantly, does that raise the stock of the once most powerful man in the world?

Well, maybe there is an Iowa state fair looking for a superhero carnival barker in 2024 rather than a presidential candidate.

Been there and done that, you can hear Trump really privately thinking about running again. 

So why not do the state fair

If they pay enough and you can private jet in and out it might be good for the brand in the long run, And wouldn’t it be so great to be back up on a real stage among MY people?  

You can imagine him contemplating it, even if he doesn’t publicly admit it. 

Or perhaps it is just a simple money grift from the man born with no shame and then some.

Welcome back Potter

Already intellectuals are writing think pieces about these Trump playing cards, attempting to cast them as some post modern ironic, version of crypto art.  They are NFTs, aka non-fungible tokens, after all.  Which is nothing more than a fancy word for images each with their own digital stamp. 

Sounds like a Sam Bankman-Fried scheme to me.  But let’s not go down that road even if Larry David and Tom Brady already did.

Instead let’s stay with the idea of seriously marketing yourself as a real life cartoon character NOT in the Marvel or DC Universe when you actually once were a sort of Superman/person in real life.

It’s kind of like the end of Tar when she finds herself….

Oh, never mind. I don’t want to give it away. 

Don’t worry Cate, we’ll have a podcast all about you #AwardsSeason

Even though I thought that movie was an unbelievably bloated, pretentious, obnoxious and sad excuse for…

Hey, that’s sort of how I think about Trump and Elon!

Two pieces of faux public art drowning in their own bottomless hubris as the rest of us celebrate this holiday season in ways they can’t understand and will never be able to buy.

P.S. We love you, Cecily

“Blue Christmas” – Austin Butler with the SNL cast