This week I watched attempts by both J.D. Vance and George Clooney to charm their way through inferior material and ultimately both failed miserably. 

Which only goes to show that whether it’s faux Republican schtick or tired Democratic schtick some of us viewers can still spot a con a mile away.

In his new-ish Apple movie, Wolfs, Mr. Clooney – with support from his buddy Brad Pitt – plays a handsome, slick, near infallible fixer. The type of guy you turn to when you have to dispose of a dead body, clean up a crime scene or drive backwards to safety in the middle of the night.

But it’s really a variation of the handsome, slick, near infallible, criminal mastermind Mr. Clooney first brought us almost a quarter century ago in the theatrical blockbuster Ocean’s Eleven (2001), which he then repeated in Ocean’s Twelve (2004), and then repeated again in Ocean’s Thirteen (2007).

Which are all a reboot, remake , rip-off or contemporary, cultural reappropriation (Note: You choose) of the original Ocean’s 11 (1960) starring Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr. aka The Rat Pack, aka the George Clooney and Brad Pitt of their times.

Okay, perhaps the above sarcasm is a bit much. Or is it?

See, the original Ocean’s was merely a goof of a film that packaged the kind of slick, easy, tongue-in-cheek late 50s style boys club humor the Rat Pack stars were known for by employing their larger-than-life celebrity personas on the big screen.

Almost two and a half decades ago it was sort of fun to have Clooney lead a gold star class of turn-of-the-21^st-century movie stars of the time (Note: Pitt, Julia Roberts, Matt Damon) mug their way through fantasy, high stakes mischief.  But after milking the buddy-buddy, wink-wink style and tone in so many various ways over so many years and in so many other films in addition to the Oceans franchise, its repackaging on steroids into Wolfs feels a bit cheap and threadbare, despite its rumored $200 million budget. 

Both Clooney and the movie ultimately come across like a well-wrapped last-minute re-regifting on Christmas morning.  Once you unwrap the pretty paper what you get inside ultimately makes little sense and shows a profound lack of imagination on the part of the person who gave it to you.  Something that, with a modicum of effort, they figured they could get away with.

One could ultimately say the same of JD Vance’s performance in the Vice Presidential debate as he tried to deftly repackage Donald Trump (Note: AKA his running mate and now forever #1) policies on steroids by way of Project 2025, all the while denying their intent and lying about his past and their existence.  His was an upside-down Alice in Wonderland world view, where he denied he did not want to ban abortion nationwide (Note: He is literally on audio and video saying the opposite multiple times), proclaims Mr. Trump tried to save Obamacare (Note: We literally saw John McCain vote that thumbs down years ago and have actual tweets of Trump whining about it) and simply lied about things like illegal immigrants stealing away jobs from American workers.  Fact check here.

This was all fueled by his delivery – a faux sincere Christ-like quality of benevolence and respect for everyone, most especially Democratic VP nominee Tim Walz, when he’s in the past and near present referred to unmarried American women as “unhappy, childless cat ladies,” his own running mate as “America’s Hitler” and called Mr. Walz’s 24 years in the National Guard, where he trained soldiers to use weapons of war, “stolen valor garbage.”

On the surface, which is where he lived in those 90 minutes, Mr. Vance proved himself to be a slick, silver-tongued debater, much in the same way Mr. Clooney’s characters were slick fixers and silver-tongued uber-thieves.  But once you get below the glossy surfaces the shiny masks give way to the real truth underneath.

For Vance it was when at the end of the debate, Mr. Walz point blank asked him whether Trump (Note: Indeed a former president, despite how much I loathe writing and admitting that) had actually lost his re-election bid to Joe Biden in 2020.  Clearly fearing the Wrath of Trump, or Sauron or Kahn, or even Gollum, Vance refused to say yes and tried to change the subject.  At which point Coach Walz, the everyman of us all, proclaimed directly to the camera (nee US), that was:

A damning non-answer.

Reality did not happen. 

Yet even after almost four years of a Biden presidency and dozens of victorious court cases, many decided by Republican judges who unanimously ruled against Trump and confirmed Mr. Biden’s win, Vance nevertheless continued to claim, there were “problems” with the election.

 The principal one being Mr. Trump could not get his controversial little hands on the Oval Office for a second term. – The Chair

You would think Mr. Clooney – who seems to take humble brag satisfaction at helping to successfully oust Mr. Biden from his bid for re-election in early July in a scathing NY Times editorial that went viral – would have not reveled in inertia but instead chosen a newer, more substantial and far less shiny piece of work to put before the American public than the unsatisfying shaggy dog story of Wolves Wolfs.

A mere three months ago, citing Mr. Biden’s age, he definitively and absolutely proclaimed, perhaps due to what he saw through his magical crystal ball, that “we (Democrats) are not going to win with this president” if we allowed Mr. Biden to try to play the same role in our body politic once again.

Profound as that may seem in hindsight, it’s essential to also know his forecast didn’t end there.  Instead he advised we figure it all out at a messy Democratic convention, where a GROUP of…strong Democrats stand and tell us why they’re best qualified to lead this country.

Never mind the first female, first woman of color Vice President going from the #2 to the #1 role.

Nothing new about that.  We need to shake things up.  Even more.

So easy to say when it’s not you who is being forced to step aside, tell the truth or reinvent.

Barbra Streisand – “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf”