Protect the Family

In the new, emotionally affecting fourth season of The Bear that just dropped on Hulu, there is a conversation about your work family vs. your family family.  Are they separate?  Do they overlap? 

Or do people you love or are close to simply become a part of YOUR family in one big tent if you decide this is so?

If it worked for Mary, who are we to argue?

It’s an interesting cultural question right now as Americans in towns across the country witness members of their families – some of them blood relatives and others friends, neighbors and co-workers – being grabbed, handcuffed and arrested outside their homes, at their jobs, or right off of the street.

The vast majority of these people (Note: The last estimate I heard is 90%) are, in reality, not “the worst of the worst violent criminals” despite how many times this lie gets repeated by the current administration or across the airwaves of Fox News. 

My blanket response to Fox News

Saying something over and over again does not make it true.  Nor does wishing for it to stop make it go away on its own. 

Especially when you can’t help but see the horrific arrests and sometimes beatings as plain as day on social media websites everywhere.

Or anywhere else you might get your news. 

Even, like, a newspaper.

Yes, a newspaper Grandma.

Diehard print journalism major that I am, even I must admit the most powerful of these stories come courtesy of ordinary citizens who simply whip out their cell phones and film videos of these purposely unidentified masked “enforcers”, often not in any discernible uniform, chasing people they know down the street or through vegetable gardens, cuff them and, if necessary, beat them into restraint before throwing them in an unmarked van and driving off to who knows where.

I can’t speak for anyone else but I can tell you I am 100% sure that if this happened to a member of my work family, family family or anyone else I cared about, filming it would be the least of what I’d do.

As one of Woody Allen’s characters commented in Manhattan on dealing with Nazis:

..A satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats get right to the point.

Yes, I know whole swaths of my students (and perhaps you) don’t like it when I quote lines from Woody Allen movies, but I am who I am and Nazis are who they are.

Still, at the end of the day there is this one truth:

The vast majority of us will fight for our “families” in ferocious and unexpected ways when push comes to shove. 

Say it together now

They might work our last nerve or be a key element in a backstory of resentment.  But something happens when an outsider picks on them – or does worse. 

Suddenly you find yourself brandishing the nearest weapon available at those who want to do them in.  Or group thinking some ingenious scheme to keep them safe, or at least out of harm’s way, until you can come up with a better plan.

(Note: For me, it’s usually a sharp, snide, threatening flurry of cutting insults or pithy, bitchy phrases.  Unless it’s Nazis).

Addams Family rules

You might be totally pissed off at your family member, after the dust settles, for their behavior. Or for putting you in this position.  You might even wonder where the resolve came from.  But what you don’t do is regret it. 

Ever.   

In a way, that is what most of us will likely come away with after watching iconic Law and Order: SVU actress/director Mariska Hargitay’s raw, honest and highly original new HBO documentary, My Mom Jayne. 

Love them

For those who had no idea, Hargitay is the daughter of the late, one-time world-renowned 1950s blonde bombshell, B movie actress, Jayne Mansfield.   But at three years old, riding in a car with her mother and two of her siblings, she endured a fatal crash that killed Jayne, her lawyer boyfriend and the man who was driving them. 

Miraculously all three children survived.  But, as Hargitay admits, she has spent a lifetime running away not so much from the event, which she has no memory of, but the legacy of the high-pitched, made-up, girlie-voice and Hollywood blondeness her very famous mother left behind.

And, as it turns out, a lot more. (Note: No spoilers here.  Promise!).

You better not, Chairy!

Though what makes the film a must-see is not only what we learn about Jayne (Note: Among many other things, she was classically trained on the violin and piano, spoke five languages fluently and had an IQ of 163). It’s how after a lifetime of running away from everything she represented, and by putting her own antipathy at the center of the narrative, she manages to rescue the real Jayne from the neat little Tinseltown sarcophagus Hollywood so ably arrested and hermetically sealed her into all those decades ago.

Full Confession:  Mariska’s Olivia Benson on SVU is one of my all-time favorite television characters.  Tough, smart, brave and sensitive over 26 seasons and someone who could deal with Nazis and Nazi-like behavior far better than I could advise. 

In fact (Note: Full confession #2): On more than one occasion, while watching the news, I have actually asked myself:  #WWOBD? 

Words to live by

That is, if she actually existed and could save us from our world in 60 minutes with commercials. (Note: Oh, of course, I know she’s not REAL… Or, well, totally… I think).

In any event, watch My Mom Jayne and see if you don’t see the best parts of her in this documentary. 

And then look at all of those people standing up for members of their families, chosen or not, across the country.

Never stop fighting

And then consider that if, in creating that character all those years ago, the SVU writers and actress didn’t draw on the qualities exhibited by the best of Americans that were already out there. 

People who would go to great lengths to protect the innocent or unjustly categorized.  Especially if it was someone they cared about.

Jack Johnson – “Better Together”

A (School) Year of Magical Thinking

It’s back to school time and that means for students and college professors alike, especially those who aspire to write, and, like me, teach writing, there is that familiar feeling of excitement, infinite possibility and dread in the air. 

Yay?

I’ve been teaching writing a long time and have been a writer several decades longer, so I’m used to the dread when you know you’re going to be faced with a blank slate, screen or, as it used to be known in the biblically quaint time I grew up in, page.

As for new experiences of those faced with another year in school, that can be at least doubled.

Same, same.

But I also know that the “dread” about it all, as it is with most things, is simply fear of “it” or “you” being bad; fear of failing, being mediocre, or of disappointing, hurting or being hurt in some way.  And that once you’re actually “in it” and “beginning it,” whether it’s a new chapter in life or that dreaded stone tablet page I learned on, there is also an exhilaration that just maybe anything, or everything, is possible.

It’s then that you become various shades of excited, a feeling that you hope will last forever, or at least for the multiple handful of months it takes to complete a project, or full semester or two.

Is this joy?

Of course you know that won’t happen because:

a. Nothing lasts forever (Note: Did I just write that?) and…

b. It’s impossible to hold onto any one feeling that long

But it’s fun to hope, isn’t it?  We humans always have that. Not to mention, the creative possibilities that spring from young minds are exciting, to not only peers but the elders that try, as best they can, to help them work their artistic impulses into their own unique cohesive takes on our current reality.

Me with my college students

Sometimes their work is funny, other times it’s sad but over the years I’ve found it’s almost always somewhere in the middle, often tilting to one side or the other but overall a mix of both. (Note: And the blacker the comedy, the better, I’ve noticed of late).

True, my cross-section of students from an east coast liberal arts college spending a semester in L.A. is not a statistically infallible sample.  But looking back in my mind and through my files (Note: Which are, yes, printed out pages in paper folders), I’ve found they’re a pretty good reflection of what younger people are generally thinking and feeling about the world, how they envision we might resolve our personal conflicts and what they see as the status quo (Note: In dramatic writing parlance it’s called “stasis”) at this particular point in time.

So, do you want to know what they’re thinking this semester?

Let’s begin

Well, they’re writing stories about stopping evil from overtaking the world, surviving in a post-apocalyptic fantasy realm, investigating murder, recovering from abuse, avenging the death of their town and/or loved ones, solving the mystery deaths of a trio of young women, or triumphing in a life of crime after being unfairly fired from a low-paying job they were over-qualified for in the field of their choice.

There were only two “relationship-centered” but they are on people trying to overcome oppressive religious upbringings, pronounced class differences or tribal wars in the 22nd century.

My head is spinning

Some of them propose dark – well, very dark – comedy tones but there was not one you could call particularly uplifting or primarily fun.

Were there always stories like this?  Certainly.  But not this many so consistently.

And, when you think about it – why would there be??? 

Maybe that’s it?

Writers reflect what’s going on in society and I can’t blame any young person who came of age in the last ten years for existing in pillaged fantasy worlds where mere existence is anything but guaranteed.

Nor can I fault them for making circumstances and problems of everyday life so perplexing that the only way to survive is for their characters to live in a world where some degree of magic is accessible.  Not so much sleight of hand, though there is that, but in various degrees of actual magical power.

Certainly there is no logical way, or any way, to solve the issues and the environments the average person is up against these days.

I don’t in any way, shape or form see this as a by-product of them growing up in a Harry Potter-influenced world, if that’s what you’re thinking.

Well I mean…. Ok fine

The only references to Potter that’s come up so far this semester, and also through the last, is their mass disappointment in its author J.K. Rowling for her hurtful, dismissive, dangerous and prejudiced (Note: Their words, not mine) public putdowns of and revulsion towards the trans community. 

See, not a semester goes by these days where they don’t have trans and non-binary identifying students among their classroom peers and they abhor others sh-t talking them, or about them.  The same way they don’t like the sh-t talk about their non-white and/or mixed race peers.  Or women.  Or gay people.  Or… Or… Or…

(Note: Yes, they will sometimes write that a character is seated among a table full of old people and when I ask, how old ,I get answers like, I guess in their forties, or okay, fifties.  But I, who by that definition is really really old, am working on that.  While I still can).

Since I didn’t feel old

Of course, like any younger generation – yours, mine and all those before us – they also abhor a lot of other tangible things about the world as it exists now, and as it’s being handed to them. 

Just like so many more of us feel about our stasis.  More than I’ve seen in many, many years.

But if you think you’re mad about where we’re at in the moment, they’re even madder.  They just do a better job of masking it around you, and likely their peers, and themselves.  It’s what accounts for what they are choosing to write in my class, and to repost on the occasional social media thread (Note: Though nowhere near as much as we do.  I think they’d rather share music or laugh at TikTok content).

Maybe that’s why I still talk about this movie!

Still, the rage, sadness and anger at what’s going on right now, is still there.

At the violence. The deteriorating earth.  The wave of totalitarian oppressiveness worldwide and the economics of everything. The sense that even the U.S. is no longer a safe haven from any of it, if it ever was.

They’re going to be around a lot longer than the rest of us and can’t quite see a way out of it without magic.

… and I don’t blame them!

But one benefit the rest of us who have been around longer have is the knowledge that magic is a relative term that means a lot of things and comes in all kinds of forms.  

Yeah, it can be literal.  But it can also be earthbound and metaphorical.  Practical solutions that seem otherworldly but are anything but, and are hard-won through years of talking and listening and compromise, coupled with  research, discoveries, knowledge and, most importantly, persistence through it all.

You can do it!

I have four months to teach them the many forms magic can take, and inspire them to imagine it into their stories in whatever way they see fit.  That is, along with all of the requisite other stuff.

#WishMeLuck. 

And if you run into anyone their age, try to be encouraging.

The Lovin’ Spoonful – “Do You Believe in Magic”