Surveying My Options

In the pilot episode of the new Apple TV series The Studio, newly installed movie studio chief Seth Rogen has two choices. 

One is to greenlight legendary director Martin Scorsese’s penultimate film about cult leader Jim Jones and the 1978 Jonestown massacre, where Jones famously coerced dozens of his followers into committing mass suicide in his compound by drinking cyanide-laced Kool-Aid, rather than open its doors and answer to his very real crimes of emotional, financial and physical abuse.

Guest emmy?

The other is to make the much more colorful Kool-Aid!, a flamboyantly fun interpretation of the fabulously flavored punch (note: whose rights his billionaire corporate overlord recently acquired), featuring whimsical versions of little red, green and yellow Kool-Aid people mischievously wreaking havoc in their own invented alternative universe. 

This being a satire of the movie business, as well as 2025 America, the selection is clear. 

As his head of marketing proclaims about Kool-Aid:

I can sell the f-ck out of that! 

Are we at the point that where a good idea is merely something we can market? 

No, we’re way, way, waaaaay past that point.

Approximately $6 trillion dollars in wealth vanished from the U.S. stock market in the two days since the massive Trump tariffs went into effect last week. 

Meaning 10% of our national value. 

Sweating through our shirts, but fine!

Meaning that the 35% of working Americans who have 401K account savings they’ve contributed to for years are significantly poorer with no end in sight

Add the fact that much of Social Security’s D.C. staff, as well as many of its nationwide offices, were either fired or shuttered under the pretense of government efficiency by a bunch of DOGE bros, as well as anecdotal stories of thousands of recipients being mistakenly…ahem….deleted from the system by the click of a DOGE keystroke, one could easily conclude the financial safety of the average American has suddenly become the equivalent of…. a 15 alarm fire.

Which is pretty knee-deep sh-tty considering fire alarm levels typically range from 1-5.

Should we even save the snakes?

Not as sh-tty as being snatched off the street and vanishing into the worst prison in El Salvador after having your head shaved (Note: Will there be an American film company in the country willing to make that story in three and a half years?) but still not enviable.

In other words, really, really, REALLY sh-tty.

Gotta find my bell

Of course, this is not what we, the average working, non-billionaire Americans, are being told.   What we are being told, I mean sold, by the man who would be King, I mean POTUS, the guy who’s been playing golf since Friday with some Saudi billionaires in Florida and hosting a $1 million-dollar-a-plate MAGA fundraising dinner over the weekend, is to “hang tough” because this is an “economic revolution” and the results will be “historic.”

someone call my decorator

In another interview he went on to boast:

We’re going to become so rich, you’re not going to know where to spend all that money.

Well, that would be nice and I’m sure many of you are brimming with ideas.

But first on my agenda is to dig myself out from under this BIGLY HUGE AND RELENTLESS ENDLESS PILE OF SH-T!, SH-T and MORE SH-T!

Sure is

Though that’s not what the PT Barnum of Golden Escalators is suggesting I do.  What he wants me, a lifelong liberal Democrat, to do is to spend my money supporting the MAGA agenda of the Republican-controlled Congress.

The day the stock market tanked I received an urgent letter from his #2 guy in the House of Representatives, House Majority Leader and MAGA stalwart Steve Scalise, imploring me to contribute $1000, $500, $250, $100, $50 or $35 to the National Republican Congressional Committee. (Note:  How did they decide on the numbers and in which order to put them in?) He also strongly urged me to answer 29 questions in its AMERICA FIRST PRIORITIES ISSUES SURVEY.

Well. I mean, twist my arm, STEVE. 

This is my moment

Though, as you can imagine, he didn’t have to. 

Not only is Rep. Scalise a rabid opponent of a woman’s right to choose, an attendee of white supremacist conferences and full throated supporter of big oil and NOT green energy, he has voted against every piece of legislation in support of the LGBTQ plus community despite the fact that a BLACK LESBIAN CAPITOL POLICE OFFICER NAMED CRYSTAL GRINER took a bullet in the leg and HELPED SAVE HIS LIFE in 2017 when he was shot by a gunman during a Congressional GOP baseball practice at an Alexandria, VA stadium.

But back to Steve’s letter. 

Yes, back to the letter

It had a respectful start – Dear Fellow Patriot – but that was where it ended.  What followed were these first two sentences:

  • Did Joe Biden’s REGIME  work for YOU? (Note:  No, not Regine’s, the once hot NYC nightclub Trump frequented in the eighties.  Regime, as in North Korea, one of America’s newest allies).
  • Are Biden’s leftover allies in Congress fighting for YOUR values? (Note: And yes, the YOUR was in boldface).

I know, you can imagine the rest. 

Though actually, you don’t have to.  Here are two choice, unedited pages for your perusal.

And even better, here’s the survey of 29 questions I answered in pen and mailed back to them.

I had many favorites but I have to say the best question in light of recent events was #5:

Do you believe most Americans want a return to the booming economy we enjoyed during the first Trump term?

When Trump was defeated in Fall, 2020 the U.S. economy, knee-deep in the covid pandemic, was the worst it’d been since the economic crash in 2008. 

And after Friday’s massive financial losses, the 2025 U.S. economy was deemed the worse it’s been since the summer of 2020.

Look it’s Trump coming for the economy!

Talk about drinking the Kool-Aid and selling the f-ck out of less than nothing.

That’s why, in total exasperation, I scrawled this response in my craziest handwriting on the front of my survey response card:

TAKE ME OFF YOUR F-KNG MAILING LIST YOU FASCIST, HOMOPHOBIC, LYING, RACIST ASSH-LES AND ENJOY THE STOCK MARKET CRASHING AND THE END OF DEMOCRACY!

… and I’d do it again.

Sure, it’s a bit blunt and doesn’t meet them where they are.

But at least it’s not a manipulative, curated lie.

Soldiers’ Chorus – “My Country, Tis of Thee”

Did I Almost Forget about the Oscars?

I’ve been excited for the announcement of the Oscar nominations every year for more than half a century.  I’m not sure exactly when and why it started but my earliest memory is being a really, really happy little boy when I heard Mary Poppins got a ton of nominations AND several months later literally  jumping up and down screaming when Julie Andrews walked up to the stage to accept the trophy as best actress.

Thinking about it now I wonder:

How did they not know I was gay?

Oh Mary!

Well okay, that’s not the only thought I have in my head. 

I am also recalling years when I rehearsed my own Oscar speech (in anticipation of a win even though I had yet to ever work on a movie); others when I was a reporter and actually had to get up at 5 in the morning to cover the damn thing live at the Academy (Note: Be careful what you wish for); and still others where I voluntarily woke up at 5 in the morning at home to watch it on TV and not miss a moment of elation or outrage.

And I’m only slightly embarrassed to admit that I was still doing that last one as a recently as, well, ahem, not that long ago.

Why? 

OK well yes…

I don’t know.  Why do you care about the Super Bowl or the World Series; the NBA Playoffs, Wimbledon or Monday Night Football; Paris Fashion Week, the Cannes Film Festival, the Grammys or the winner of Eurovision?

Maybe you don’t or maybe you do but in life it’s nice to look forward to something.

Finding joy where we can

Well, that ended this year.  It’s not that I wasn’t tracking potential nominees but on the twice-postponed Oscar nomination announcement day I woke up, did my morning routine (Note: Use your imagination), hung out and, right before leaving the house at 11 suddenly thought, ‘oh right, the Oscars. I better…check?’

It was kind of surreal.

Who am I?

Perhaps it’s age or the movies, but I don’t think so.  Maybe it’s the fact that parts of L.A. were on fire several weeks ago hastening the delay (Note: During which I did have to evacuate my house) so I got that and a lot of dates confused.  Not likely.

Mostly it was because I was keeping my mind on a bunch of other announcements that didn’t involve a svelte golden statuette but an engorged orange (and profoundly non-statuesque) one. 

Ugh

But these announcements were actually orders for actions that were not democratically voted on.  Things like:

  1. Releasing more than 1500 violent criminals from jail who severely beat up cops and broke into and entered the Capitol building, where they hunted down members of Congress (Note: And occasionally stopped to smear feces on the walls and destroy offices) all in order to subvert the peaceful transfer of power to a new president they didn’t vote for four years ago.
  2. Revoking President Lyndon B. Johnson’s 1965 order that guaranteed people of color and women equal opportunity to be hired, trained and employed by any agency in the federal government or any company or person who has a contract with said government, and
  3.  A termination to birthright U.S. citizenship even though it is literally written into the 14th amendment to the U.S. Constitution that anyone born in the U.S. IS a citizen of the U.S.

For further elucidation and analysis of said announcements and their implications you can also check out these articles in Axios and the NY Times.  Or simply use the google with the key words: recent executive orders for the source of your choice.

Do not judge me

As for the Oscar nominations, anyone who follows these things or longs for a little competitive glamour or excellence in their lives courtesy of the movies, or is simply slightly film obsessed, has their favorites and their inexcusables.  For me, it’s Timothée Chalamet’s performance in A Complete Unknown because I’m not sure how anyone can sound and act exactly like Bob Dylan, pretend they’re a young guy in the sixties, croon a tune to a pretend Woody Guthrie and go on to sing with and make love to a fake Joan Baez without making it a complete parody.  (Note: Also because his best actor Oscar for Call Me By Your Name got stolen by Gary Oldman seven years ago.  And no, I don’t forget).

Was this the most important cinematic moment of the year?  Certainly not.  But for me it was the most impressive and, anyway, as we all should know by now, that’s not what the Oscars are all about.

Nor should it be.

Also… sorry Timmy but better luck next time

The importance monicker is usually most omni-present in the best picture category, which pretty consistently reserves slots for movies that say something about social issues (Note: Forgetting the fact that ALL movies are social comments on our world), as well as advance the best of technology, execution or contemporary messages to be had from movies during that year. 

Personally, I think expanding the best picture category from a limit of five nominations to these days as many as TEN nominations (Note: It works through a weighted scale the Academy concocted that is too cumbersome to explain in anything less than a term paper) is somewhat equivalent to being awarded a yearly participation award in a small, local day camp.

“And you get an Oscar… and you… and you!”

Okay, perhaps that’s a bit much but AMPAS voting to expand the list of possible nominees in 2009 seemed more like a marketing tool for studios due to lagging box-office than anything else.

But in an age where our new 78-year-old POTUS just announced that Mel Gibson, Sylvester Stallone and Jon Voight are to serve as his special ambassadors to Hollywood (Note: News to them, since it was relayed only in a tweet, but fitting since they all reached stardom in those regrettable, greed is good eighties), it’s a welcome relief.

I will not go!

See, unlike MAGA voters the vast majority of all 10 best picture nominees this year focused on stories about diversity, equity and inclusion in regards to immigration, race, trans/LGBT representation, ageism, economic inequality and/or religious persecution.  And if you look back in history that tends to happen when political leaders spend their time taking away rights or lashing out at specific communities for power, or profit or simply because they can.

As I tell my students, movies are not life but, on the whole, they tend to absolutely reflect real life and the issues we, as a society are concerned about in that moment.

AMEN

This is why this year I am thrilled to have as many as TEN, if not more, best picture nominees vying for the Oscar.  I might be selling out my long-held views for political gain, but hey, at least it’s not to stay in office.

As for the list of this year’s films, they are: Anora, The Brutalist, A Complete Unknown, Conclave, Dune: Part Two, Emilia Perez, I’m Still Here, Nickel Boys, The Substance, and Wicked.

Let the voting begin

I’d be happy with any of them winning.  And not only because Gibson, Stallone, Voight had absolutely nothing to do with any of them, and they address rights and issues they and the guy they will be ambassador-ing for want to roll back and, preferably, erase.

Though, that helps. 

A lot.

Jonathan Bailey – “Dancing Through Life” (from Wicked)