Hysteria

OMG, THE CORONA VIRUS!

OMG, THERE ISN’T GONNA BE TOILET PAPER!

OMG, DO YOU KNOW THAT AMAZON IS OUT OF PURELL?

OMG, JOE BIDEN IS SENILE!  AND WE’RE GONNA LOSE!

OMG, BERNIE SANDERS IS A LUNATIC!  HOW CAN WE WIN? 

OMG, TRUMP IS SENILE AND A LUNATIC!  SOMEBODY STOP HIM BEFORE HE WINS!!

…And how was your week?

AGHHHHH

It’s reassuring that in stressful times like these citizens across the country are overrunning Costco to buy toilet paper, hand sanitizer and water and not rioting in the streets.  Or is it?

Well, at least no one seems transfixed anymore that the stock market fell over 12% overall in the last month and economists say we’re headed towards a worldwide recession.

No, what’s foremost in people’s minds are dirty butts, starvation while quarantined, and the inevitability of death by a thousand handshakes.

These days we’re all Trudeau #notthankyouplease

Though fun fact:

Do you know what the consumer research company Nielsen lists as the single item with the biggest increase in food and beverage sales for the week ending Feb. 29th?

gotta be booze?

It’s……..

OAT MILK!!!!!!

Oh for the love of…

Yes, seriously.  Sales were up 322%  (Note:  Yes, 3 HUNDRED 22) in a one-week period and 348% in the last month.  Its closest competitor is powdered milk products at 84% and dried beans at 39.6%

Water, in case you were wondering, was waaaay back, pulling up the rear at 11.8%.

What this tells me is that we’ve all gone nuts, especially since several weeks ago I actually tried oat milk for the first time in coffee and literally had to spit the entire mouthful out in the sink.

I’ll stick to my regular latte please

For the non-dairy variety I much prefer soy, thank you very much.   Despite the fact that four months ago someone warned me that if men consume too much soy they will inevitably grow breasts.

This is the least of my problems at the moment and at my age.

I don’t do well with hysteria and have spent a lifetime of therapy fighting against it.  And yet these days it’s all around us.  People are either panicked about not having a 401K or panicked about losing 20-30% of their 401Ks in the last month.

Debbie Downer’s return to SNL this week says it all

It’s true.  I’ve heard people talking about either or both

  1. on line at a Starbucks
  2. at the car wash on a cell phone and
  3. while walking in a mall parking lot

If only I’d known at the time that two of the only stocks to go shooting straight up in that time period was Target and Walmart.

I could’ve saved them and myself a lot of needless aggravation.

And beat the crowds at Target since I wouldn’t give one penny to the ultra right wing, homophobic Trump supporting Walton family that owns Walmart.

Except, wait a minute……

I’m wrong.

It seems that in the 2016 election 60% of the members of the family foundation gave to Democratic causes with many of the younger members actually supporting…. …Hillary Clinton?

WHAT

This seems to get more to the root of the answer of what will kill us.

I’m as guilty as the next person in perpetuating a certain kind of hysteria that will finally get us all in the end   And that would be the knee jerk distrust of the next guy or gal who disagrees with us, offends us or just plain disgusts us.

I don’t know about you but I can’t tolerate one more ……… that ……………….s or ………….s for …………………… or for a…………… No one gets a free pass anymore from me and EVERYONE has to pay the piper.

This kind of thinking will destroy us.

Certainly, I loathe people who disagree with me on big things (Note: Or anything!)  as much as you do but, well, where is it leaving me, or us, in the long run?

Be that as it may…

Let’s take the election.  If you’re a Dem and you really want Trump out of the White House don’t assume your fellow Dem who doesn’t support your candidate is misguided, stupid or too liberal or conservative to know any better.

I mean, you can think it but certainly don’t post it or say it out loud.  It won’t win you any friends and it certainly won’t influence any people.

In fact, it will have the exact OPPOSITE result that you are looking for.

Though it does seem like it’s time to admit, I’m really OVER AMY. #sorrynotsorry

It will only cause your perceived “enemy” to dig in further and foster needless hysteria.  And it will cost you a lot more than an empty-handed toilet paper run at Costco.  It will cost you… well, let’s not even think about that, shall we?

But if you’re a Dem speaking to a roomful of Trump supporters…..you can tell them to take their ____________ hats and ________________ it where the….

Well, I’m working on that.  Though not at Walmart.  Never at Walmart.

At least, yet.

Def Leppard – “Hysteria”

Cable News Cardio

You know how you slow down when you see an accident on a highway even though you don’t want to?  Well, that’s how it feels watching The Impeachment Trial of Donald Trump.

Still, I have to specifically hand it to my cable network of choice, MSNBC.  They’ve brought it.  The last thing I wanted to do this week was to hear the guy’s name, see the stuff that passes on his head for hair or hear about anything he’s ever done/does in the past, present or foreseeable future.

We bow down to the national treasure that is Rachel Maddow

Still, I couldn’t turn away.  Not for barely a second.  I even found the ONLY treadmill at the gym with on Friday afternoon that had a small screen turned to guess what…MSNBC!…. during THE key climactic moments late Friday afternoon.

It was meant to be.

Or so I reasoned to myself when I got off the machine I was on and hiked three rows down to see more of what I’d been watching since 8am that morning and every morning for the last seemingly 52 days.  Only this time there were merely images with subtitles.   NO. SOUND.

WHYYYYYY

Oh yeah.  I couldn’t figure out how to plug my headphones into the thing.  But even that was okay.  The subtitles were being done on the fly and I got most of the abbreviations.  In fact, it became fun to figure out which commentators were which WITHOUT THEIR words ALWAYS being identified.

Suddenly, I was running at record speeds, in elevations that I hadn’t been in months, trying to play a NEW guessing game.

Oh, yes, that sounds EXACTLY like what Nicolle Wallace would say because she knows the inner workings of the White House!

Sure, that’s former Senator Claire McCaskill’s incisive commentary.  It’s not only smart but a bit snide.

Claire’s for real, guys.

 And wait, she’s actually…texting with members of the Senate in real time??? I was right, I gleefully proclaimed to myself as I bobbled my water bottle and it sprayed all over my gray Lululemon workout shirt from six years ago that somehow is still holding up.

OMG, it’s like having a spy behind enemy lines, ready to dish to your side in a down and dirty way.  Yay Claire!!! 

Then, trying to figure out who’s talking to whom on the crowded Senate floor from far away, I suddenly hear Claire excitedly saying: That’s Lamar’s (Sen. Alexander (R-TN) bald spot

 …as we were waiting to determine whether he was going to cast the third possibly dissenting Republican YAY vote to finally HEAR a few witnesses (or even one) on the issue of impeachment in the Senate trial (Note: He didn’t).

Twitter gets it

Forget that the NY Times had just reported former Trump advisor John Bolton’s upcoming March book has him proclaiming in print that Trump did indeed hold up gazillions of dollars in foreign aid to Ukraine unless the country investigated Hunter Biden and his dad Joe Biden, Trump’s chief rival for the presidency at the time.

I was almost equally as riled up that Claire seemed to be on the verge of some sort of hirsute-ish scoop!

Of course, once reality began to kick in I sort of began to crash.

But some moments later, just when the hope for any live witnesses at this quickly becoming kangaroo court was lost, the powers that be at my channel cut to Democratic Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer live as he gave a short statement proclaiming that the Senate voting not allow new witnesses or documents at this trial was a…PERFITY???????????????? 

HUH WHAT?

What the f-k does that mean????  Suddenly, I felt so let down by my friends on the panel who only moments before were seemingly my only friends in the world because they were the only ones still with me through all this who never seemed to mind me ranting and raving (Note: Forget they couldn’t hear me) cause they were, too.

Oh, and dumb.   Thoroughly let down and now DUMB.  So, so DUMB.

Then, Brian Williams, like the God he is, jumped in and quipped re: Schumer’s perfidy:

Hey, I bet he wishes he could take that word back!

After which Claire and Nicolle laughed.  And laughed.  AND LAUGHED!!!

Thank God.

Sweet relief

I felt even better when, I think, Chris Matthews noted that it was Harry Truman who always recommended you don’t use 10-dollar words but nickel words if you want to really get people to listen to you.

Sure, I’m mangling the quote a little but that was the gist of it since I couldn’t find the actual one.  Though I did find out the definition of perfidy.

per·fi·dy

noun: perfidy; plural noun: perfidies

deceitfulness; untrustworthiness.”it was an example of his perfidy”

Since this whole week was all about perfidies I now very much admired Schumer for bringing it up in the first place.

Every time he uses a fancy word, the glasses get lower

Until Nicolle (or was it Brian or Chris? – I’m not sure who it was at this point) announced another revelation from the Bolton book just unearthed by the NY Times. 

Apparently Trump’s White House lawyer Pat Cipollone, the guy we’d been watching co-lead his no-witnesses defense all week by proclaiming Trump NEVER demanded we withhold money from Ukraine to benefit his re-election campaign, WAS ACTUALLY IN THE OVAL OFFICE MEETING WHEN TRUMP DEMANDED we withhold money from Ukraine to benefit his re-election campaign.

Well, I thought Nicole was going to lose it along with me.

I think we were all Wile E Coyote in that moment #help

Luckily, I was off the treadmill by then and watching this via a flat screen TV I found in the weight room that happened to also be tuned to her.

Lest you think I go to one of those blue state, elite snowflake gyms, know that’s not quite true.  It’s a 24-Hour Fitness and it costs me $120 per year.

And occasionally some screens are tuned to Fox.  Until I complained about it and never saw that channel on in MY GYM again.

At least not on my watch.

Lizzo – “Good As Hell”