Hollywood from the Couch

I spent part of this weekend binge-watching the first three episodes of the new, gay-themed Canadian sports romance series, Heated Rivalry, on HBO despite being told the death of the movies was upon us.

Once again.

In any other era this would be sacrilegious for a movie lover.

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Allow me to explain

The funereal panic was related to the announcement that Netflix was buying Warner Bros. Discovery for the incomprehensible price (NOTE: To me, anyway.  I’m still smarting over $10 eggs) of $82.7 billion. A pending deal that, according to the N.Y. Times, could redefine Hollywood and the broader media landscape.

I have no doubt the above is true since Hollywood and media has been consistently redefining itself every couple of years since I first became professionally involved with it in the late 1970s.

Yes, I have all the career, financial and personal battle scars to prove it.  And one night, over cocktails, I’ll tell you all about if you so desire.  

all about eve gifs Page 2 | WiffleGif
Maybe some snowy night by the fire…

But more to the point, I have all the iterations of media and my own work to prove it.

Unopened boxes in my closet that contain VHS recordings of rare movies taped from network TV, cassette and eight tracks of movie soundtracks (Note: And more than a few vinyl records), a neatly tied bundle of laser discs (Note: A very short but very cool tech period, in my humble opinion), many drawers of CD movie themes/songs I bought or were sent to me from studios during awards seasons or for promotional purposes, and several walls full of DVDs my husband and I love having on hand even though three quarters of them are available on streaming services.

Add to that hundreds of original screenplays, pilots and treatments (Note: Several dozens of them my own) of very good work that was never made because they weren’t big enough, commercial enough, contemporary enough, relatable enough, young enough or just plain enough enough for the theatrical film market as it stood at the time.

Speaking for those projects that I DID NOT write, since no one can be objective about their own work, I promise you that determination is and was BULLSH-T since all of them could have been enough if given the chance.

Hi! I'm Anxiety. — World of Miley
Ya got that right

But, of course, it depends on what you mean by enough.  My definition is a film, or potential film or film element, that is entertaining or meaningful or satisfying to  group of people other than your friends and relatives. 

The theatrical deciders’ definition is a piece of material that will make them unlimited scads of money for the smallest amount of risk despite the tried and true adage, Nothing ventured, Nothing gained.

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Main priority

Meaning, screenwriter William Goldman’s summation of the movie business and all its marketplace gatekeepers in his seminal 1983 memoir Adventures in the Screen Trade still, and perennially, applies:

NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING.

What especially no one knows anymore is what a movie is by 2025 and beyond standards and how it should or will be consumed. (Note:  Consumed?  What a horrible but applicable choice of words, as if we’re eating soylent green, though in a sense we are).

The chief complaint about Netflix and other streaming platforms is that their mere existence spells the death knell of the movie business, and the fact that it’s gobbling up one of what remains of a handful of big Hollywood studios ushers in the end of “movies.”

Well the view from my office would certainly change

After all, what incentive does Netflix have for people to watch a film outside of their homes, in a theatre (aka, the definition of a “real” movie)?

About as much as David Zaslav, a former cable/streaming exec who was put in charge of theatrical when he was made CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery in 2022 cares about it. 

Skeletor From Masters Of The Universe Trivia
His company portrait

Though probably more, since one of Zaslav’s first acts when put in charge was a cost-cutting measure that would’ve ended the one cable channel most beloved by movie lovers, TCM (Turner Classic Movies), as we know it, until filmmakers Paul Thomas Anderson and Martin Scorsese and others stepped in to exert a little… ahem… pressure.

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Bless you, Marty

This while Netflix stepped up and made movies and deals with some of the top directors in the movie business, including Martin Scorsese (The Irishman), Guillermo del Toro (Frankenstein), Rian Johnson (Knives Out II and III) and Greta Gerwig (the upcoming Chronicles of Narnia) and her husband Noah Baumbach (the just-released George Clooney starrer, Jay Kelly). 

All of these films have had or will have theatrical runs of various lengths and all the work of these and most other filmmakers will likely continue to do so.

Are they or will they be as long as they used to be?  Well, um, no.

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I mean… I think I could be OK with that

But to all of the movie consumers out there – nerds, intellectuals, horror fanatics, foreign film fans, the super-hero obsessed or rom-com fanatics – how many times have you uttered these four words in the last number of years:

Is it streaming yet?

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Guilty!

It is worth noting the film most likely to win this year’s best picture Oscar and, for my money, the best film of 2025, Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another, was a Warner Bros. release that played a mere eight weeks before being available to rent or buy on streamers. 

This is not very long at all by traditional standards. And will undoubtedly vary depending on how much demand there is to see a film and how much money can be made on them.

One Gif After Another : r/paulthomasanderson
… and there he goes

I used to marvel when my parents recounted to me there was a time that they huddled around the RADIO to listen to original serialized storytelling.  The same way I did to my husband a few years ago when I suddenly realized true crime podcasts were becoming the new commercial “thing,” making something very recognizably radio popular again.

Do I long for the old days of movies?

Not so much.

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I’m with Margo

What I long for instead are the days of more good and great movies and less pure commercial garbage for the mythical lowest common denominator, non-thinking international, four quadrant audience.

And on that subject, I’d put more faith in Netflix than in the guy who treated Dr. Pimple Popper and 90 Day Fiancé with the same reverence as a Scorsese or Nolan film when he first listed them on HBO Max.

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Nuff said

Not that there is anything wrong with any film or TV show of any kind. Including the steamy Heated Rivalry, which I have every intention of watching in between this year’s Oscar movies – at the theatre and at home.

On my couch. 

Doom scrolling.

The Beach Boys – “In My Room”

And So It Goes

You wouldn’t think Billy Joel and South Park’s season 27 kickoff episode skewering and, word has it, angering our current POTUS, would have much in common. 

But in the opening of the second part of the excellent five-hour HBO Max documentary on his career, Billy Joel: And So It Goes, the singer-songwriter makes a deceptively obvious statement about his work that is a bridge for a lot of common ground.

Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve lived through, has somehow made it into my music.

Sing it, Piano Man

Substitute the word music with any artistic creation that any of us make, and the conclusion is obvious.  Your work can’t help but express YOU – and exactly how YOU feel.

And when you do it right it has a particular resonance.

So why wouldn’t the now billionaire South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who just agreed to a new $1.5 billion, five-year streaming deal for their show to run exclusively on Paramount+,  go right for the jugular?

I mean… you had to see this coming

Their brand is mercilessly mocking pop culture figures, religion, current events and charlatans, as well as that week’s hypocrites and/or their zealous followers. 

It’d disappoint at least half the country, and at this point probably more, if they didn’t.

And take it from this gay, liberal Jew – NO minority status will save you.

Nor will being a member of the elite majority.

‘Merica

And after almost three decades of mind-bending successes, included the Tony award winning musical, The Book of Mormon – the world, and even their parent company CBS/Paramount, clearly wouldn’t have it any other way.

So once again – on their premiere episode this year:

Why WOULDN’T they make jokes about DJ Trump sharing a sexual bed with Satan; draw him with a talking micro-penis; and have him suing the residents of South Park for $5 million because of their growing street protests against him? 

Truly the tamest image from the entire episode

Why wouldn’t they show us reporters on the CBS/Paramount-owned show 60 Minutes all anemic and terrified of saying a cross word against him in light of the ACTUAL real-life network settling a generally accepted ridiculous ACTUAL real-life lawsuit Trump filed against the show for $16 million and more.

Not to mention –

How did they do this?

Why wouldn’t that premiere episode also call out the principal of the fictional South Park public school for suddenly requiring everyone to get on board with ONLY Christian values by bringing Jesus himself into school and making them befriend him?

Which finally leads us to ask one last question —

Why wouldn’t they portray Jesus being terrified of our Dear Leader of these United States coming after Him while trying to warn the town not to continue to offend the Big Man (Note: The, um, VERY VERY Big and ever-growing Man) in the White House?

This is/what they/do. 

Never change

It’d be like, well… going to a Billy Joel concert and him NOT playing Piano Man.

Talk about brands.

And speaking of such, perhaps THIS is the reason why the current Trump-Epstein scandal/association won’t go away? 

Well that was a turn!

Trump spent a lifetime ogling women, cheating on his wives, owning beauty pageants and bragging on tape he could grab any female by their private parts because he’s a star.

Wouldn’t the natural creative conclusion be that since he was such good friends with the world’s most notorious child molester, he might be hiding something more about his relationship with him? 

All sorts of ew

Especially since he seems to now be so desperately hiding the infamous Epstein files and having his former attorney – now second in command at the DOJ – suddenly meeting behind the scenes with Epstein’s convicted co-conspirator and former girlfriend in some sort of implied immunity from further prosecution deal in exchange for more information, or as some speculate, even some omission of information about one of Epstein’s…best friends and/or clients?

I think my brain just melted reading that

It stands to reason. Given the brand.  It seems so true to form for him.  Even, dare I say… honest??

Of course, what sounds honest is not necessarily true or real

At least these days.

But when it goes over so well and lingers for so long, the more likely that there is more than a smidgen of creative reality to it.

… just can’t shake ’em

At least that’s what people think in our conspiracy theory-led world.

Meaning even people in the White House and elsewhere who like to spread this stuff should be careful of what they wish for.

I didn’t mean to run out of space for Billy Joel. 

But as we learn in the documentary, he hates bullshit of any kind (Note: Often to a fault) and tends not to be political for the most part.

Until he is.

Billy starting another fire

One notable occasion was in the first Trump term when a bunch of Neo-Nazis marched through the peaceful neighborhood streets of Charlottesville, VA with Tiki torches, famously chanting, Jews Will Not Replace Us.

 And Trump went on television the next day proclaiming there were very fine people on BOTH sides.

Billy Joel, a Jewish guy from Long Island, wasn’t having it but wasn’t one for making speeches.

So what to do?

Well, the next night onstage at his concert he wore a large Jewish star made of yellow fabric sewn onto his jacket.

wow

That star was an exact replica of the ones many of his actual relatives in Germany were forced to wear in the years right before World War II.

And in the years that followed when they were carted away by the Nazis. 

Relatives he laments never getting to meet because they didn’t survive the concentration camps they were disappeared to.

You think Billy is kidding around?

Joel has always considered himself primarily an entertainer and over five hours one can’t help but get swept away not only by the music but the personal stories of abandonment, rejection, and misfortune – as well as a great deal of the rarefied talent and hard work that made him a fortune – or two or three – as well as world famous.

As a kid raised in Queens (Note: No, I’m nothing like Trump), you won’t be surprised to learn that I’ve been a lifelong fan of the guy from the moment I saw him in concert as an undergrad in the seventies at Queens College.

Tough, gruff, kinda nerdy hot, kinda scruffy, a piano virtuoso, fun, a little bit dangerous, smart as a whip AND funny.

Plus.. look at all that hair!

Luckily I wasn’t out then and never got to meet him or I would’ve been in a whole lot of trouble.

But trouble is a relative word with all sorts of good and bad innuendos and ominous meanings. 

Especially at a time when any one of us anywhere can be arrested at any moment for the most bizarre, trumped-up crime.

Or… well… not.

Billy Joel – “And So It Goes”