Intelligence Artificial

The mere phrase artificial intelligence should be a clue that no good will come of fully opening this door. 

For what does it mean to be artificially intelligent?

Me, doing science

If we take the words as they present (which is really all we can do), it means an intelligence that is not real on its own but merely a poor man’s copy of smartness, acumen or whatever you want to call it.

It’s at best a simulation of something clever and at worst an abject lie.

Whatever it is, it’s certainly not actually superior thinking.  Its words literally tell us that.

So then, what is it?

Well, clearly it’s a fake out.  Or, as it’s better known in popular vernacular —

FAKE NEWS.

Ugh that term #ew

Donald J. Trump if what he spewed was merely a reordering of facts stolen from other sources rather than an incessant firehouse of bile-filed personal grievance posing as reality.

Though when you think about it that way, A.I.’s potential personal evolutions are a lot more frightening.

That is, if you can consider something that self-proclaims to be artificial, anything approaching a person.

Yet another issue for future U.S. Supreme Courts to debate and wrongly decide on.

My heart cannot take this

A couple of weeks ago I was watching MSNBC, which I admittedly do far too often.  It was towards the end of Joy Reid’s show, The Reid Out, and she began reporting on artificial intelligence by way of herself.

It seems that there is a viral video circulating that shows Joy being interviewed by CNN’s Anderson Cooper hawking weight loss gummies.  And when she played a 20 second clip from it there it was –

Hmmm… something’s not right here

Joy talking up these weight loss gummies in very factual, Joy-esque style to Anderson, after explaining lawyers have only recently cleared her to speak about it.  There were even before and after photos to support her personal weight loss.

If you saw this onscreen and paid as much attention to these kinds of claims as one usually does, you would swear it was real.

Except, well, it isn’t.

K bye everybody!

It’s an A.I.-generated-100%-phony use of the actual faces and voices of both news anchors.

Now, being a journalism junkie and show biz gadfly, I knew this story couldn’t be true because:

a. No MSNBC host would be allowed on CNN to sell a product and

b. Joy Reid doesn’t endorse merchandise publicly to make a buck.  That’s not what real working journalists with prime time news anchor platforms do.

It’s what people like Alex Jones and Joe Rogan do.

so…. this

But if you didn’t know better and chalked up a few words being slightly out of synch to the fact that almost every video known to man buffers or is slightly out of synch in spots on your screen of choice, you would swear this was real.

And we’re only at the start of the A.I. revolution

Who knows where all those pointy-headed potential Che Guevaras will strike next?

Oh wait, we do.  It’s… well… show biz!!

This this this

You might have heard there is a writers’ and actors’ strike going on and part of the issue is the future contractual regulation of the use of A.I. so actors and writers are not principally replaced by software duplicating their work and their images ad infinitum.

Recently, Disney CEO Bob Iger, being interviewed at a multimillionaire/billionaire business leader conference, called the union demands to work out a compromise for the protection of workaday creatives on A.I not realistic and very disturbing to him.

Et tu Bob I?

So it should surprise no one that the studios are now on a mass hiring spree for specialists they can employ to expand their A.I. capabilities.  This article from The Hollywood Reporter explains it far better than I can. 

But suffice it to say that Netflix, Disney, Sony and most of the other studios (Note: Amazon, Apple, WB, etc. etc.) are offering big bucks to those who can help them harness the technology that will enable them to throw off the shackles of how it’s done now and push past it all into a future where….

Well, the sky’s the limit.

Hello Hal do you read me?

And at starting salaries of anywhere from $150,000 to $900,000 per year plus perks.

Not nearly as much as the top ten Hollywood executives made in the last five year period, a list topped by the HALF A BILLION DOLLARS Warner Bros. Discovery’s head David Zaslav made.  (Note: Here’s the list.  Read it and think).

Barf

But if A.I. is going to occupy as big of a space as these guys seem determined to make room for – as witnessed by them turning a stubborn blind eye to the almost universal public roasting they are receiving for the way they are treating the creative people who enable them to make many billions of dollars each year – then there’s a hell of a lot of room to grow.  And grow.  And grow.

Gummie bears be damned.

“Crazy Little Thing Called Love” – Elvis Presley A.I.

(Note:  Elvis died two years before this song was written and released).

Writing with an Expiration Date

The FUTURE JEOPARDY! CATEGORY is:  Great subjects for American movies in the 2020s.

Well, you’d think ONE OF THE ANSWERS would be: U.S. electoral politics.

I mean, in just the first half year of this decade the majority of us Americans are continuing to live through new, repeated and seemingly never-ending traumas resulting from the surprise 2016 Russian influenced installation of our first reality star president.

This feels right

True, on paper that might not SEEM like the most crowd-pleasing blockbuster of subjects.  But neither was the chronicle of the now second most traumatic electoral aftermath in the last 50 years, All the President’s Men.

And today that film is an Oscar winning classic that cleaned up at the box office.

This was in great part due to the perseverance at the time of producer-star Robert Redford and the great filmmaking team he assembled.

“Devastating” almost seems quaint

But it is pretty much universally acknowledged it was also because of the brilliant yet cheeky thriller screenplay written by the late William Goldman, which he adapted from the best-selling book by the now iconic Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein.

Well, politics and our times have changed quite a lot in the last half a century.  Yet in many ways we’d still all love a good story about the failings of our government and the American underdogs among us who can rise up and at least attempt to make things right once again.

Especially in the era of Trum….okay, you know who and what I mean.  (Note: Don’t make me write IT). 

AHHHH!

So much material.  So, so SO much material.

It’s the unwanted gift that keeps on giving.   Kind of like the equivalent of receiving 32,358 fruitcakes over the last three Christmases that now somehow need to be purged from our systems.

So, how to proceed and eliminate?

Well, if you’re a moviegoer and an industrious studio head who do YOU think would be the perfect person to guide us through this particular type of morass  and expulsion?

Who could come up with a great story about how and why this could have happened to us and in what way we could possibly make things right again?

Who is it in popular culture that has always massively entertained us, made money for the suits AND provided us invaluable insight into understanding politics on a grand scale without, well, talking down to us???

Well don’t take too long

The ONE person synonymous with smarts and originality, the political satirist of our times with the cross generational super power pull that any doubting studio head could feel comfortable with entrusting to tackle the impossible subject of our 2016 electoral aftermath.

You knew/know him – you LOVE him Certainly, I do.

Yes – it’s The Daily Show’s own incomparable:

JON STEWART!!!!

Our favorite goat farmer, Mr. Jon Stewart

…….You’d think.

But wait!!!!

Before anyone goes and thinks the disappointment over Mr. Stewart’s new Amazon film “Irresistible” is entirely or, really, even partly his fault, let’s be clear.

Doing this kind of movie amid the cosmic shifts we’re currently enduring in our pandemically challenged world is a SHEER thankless and IMPOSSIBLE TASK.

You’d have better luck trying to digest those 32,358 fruitcakes in one sitting.

… and now I think I understand the title

Events have been moving at the speed of light and sound since the first of this year (Note: Though not in a good way) and Mr. Stewart’s new film gets caught up in the sheer cyclone of newsiness (Note: And also not in a good way) as it tries to slice and dice the political process with what amounts to a butter knife.

Granted, that butter knife probably felt like the most efficient version of some top chef’s sharpest meat clever when Mr. Stewart first sat down to tackle this story.

But once you’ve experienced a failed impeachment trial for clear high crimes and misdemeanors and a month of street protests demanding racial justice after we Americans watched a Black Man literally asphyxiated to death murdered by two policeman on video over almost nine minutes – during a global pandemic – well, all bets are off.

This is not to even mention immigrant kids locked up in cages, the shutdown and crashing of our economy and an all-time record 16-20% of Americans unemployed (Note: That’s 26-30 million of us).

and then you wonder.. what’s next?

Yeah, it’s a sh-t show out there and even a movie written and directed by our patron saint of political humor couldn’t possibly conquer it.  No movie could, given the one-two year lag time (and that’s being generous) between conception, filming and release.

So what we’re then left with is the story of a jaded Democratic political consultant to Hillary Clinton (Steve Carrell), barely recovered from 2016, who sees a viral video of a middle-aged farmer/military vet (aka Chris Cooper as The Colonel) defending the rights of immigrants to his local mayor and selected members of his small town.

Seeing a chance to once and for all prove to the country that semi-liberal politics are not solely the prevue of big city cultural elites and that exclusionary, far right thinking is, well, small-minded, Mr. Carrell’s character, the consultant, quickly hatches a scheme to run The Colonel for Mayor in the upcoming local election.

Hardest workin’ man in showbiz #hesineverything

The reasoning is that if he makes a big enough deal about this candidate in Deerlaken, Wisconsin it will become national fodder and show the country that progressive policies simply amount to doing what is right and what is human rather than what is hateful and what is most expedient.

In other words, the only reason small town America didn’t buy what the Dems were selling was that it came in the wrong package.  Had the same points been raised by one of their own, well, 2016 would have NEVER turned out the way that it had.

Oh… was that it?

Sure, there’s more to it than that, including a major twist later in the story (Note: No Spoilers here!).  But all the twists and turns on the planet couldn’t possibly make a smart, light, gauzy but only slightly edgy story like this resonate very deeply given what’s presently at stake electorally for all of us.

This is a representation of small town America where their worst problem is that their local economy is failing.  (Note:  Remember when THAT, and that alone, was a BIG problem?).  It is NOT a world where friends and relatives are dying in overcrowded hospitals, supermarket cashiers deserve hazard pay, law enforcement can kill you at any time, and you rightly worry that the Russians, the Chinese and god knows who else might permanently place an aspiring American dictator into the White House.

This all really does seem like part of a Dr. Evil style plot

This is what’s really on the minds of the majority of Americans in 2020 (Note: Certainly the filmgoers) when they think about who and what they’re voting for in 2020 America.  And not even Jon Stewart could possibly know that would be relevant or on our brains in this presidential election year.

This is not to say his new film Irresistible doesn’t have its charms.  But any of us looking for something truly relevant from now till Nov. 5th should merely turn on the TV to MSNBC, CNN, FOX (lol no) or PBS.  It’s there that they’ll find programming far, far more risky and much, much more perversely entertaining.

Sadly.

Bob Dylan – “The Times They Are A-Changin'”