Hollywood from the Couch

I spent part of this weekend binge-watching the first three episodes of the new, gay-themed Canadian sports romance series, Heated Rivalry, on HBO despite being told the death of the movies was upon us.

Once again.

In any other era this would be sacrilegious for a movie lover.

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Allow me to explain

The funereal panic was related to the announcement that Netflix was buying Warner Bros. Discovery for the incomprehensible price (NOTE: To me, anyway.  I’m still smarting over $10 eggs) of $82.7 billion. A pending deal that, according to the N.Y. Times, could redefine Hollywood and the broader media landscape.

I have no doubt the above is true since Hollywood and media has been consistently redefining itself every couple of years since I first became professionally involved with it in the late 1970s.

Yes, I have all the career, financial and personal battle scars to prove it.  And one night, over cocktails, I’ll tell you all about if you so desire.  

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Maybe some snowy night by the fire…

But more to the point, I have all the iterations of media and my own work to prove it.

Unopened boxes in my closet that contain VHS recordings of rare movies taped from network TV, cassette and eight tracks of movie soundtracks (Note: And more than a few vinyl records), a neatly tied bundle of laser discs (Note: A very short but very cool tech period, in my humble opinion), many drawers of CD movie themes/songs I bought or were sent to me from studios during awards seasons or for promotional purposes, and several walls full of DVDs my husband and I love having on hand even though three quarters of them are available on streaming services.

Add to that hundreds of original screenplays, pilots and treatments (Note: Several dozens of them my own) of very good work that was never made because they weren’t big enough, commercial enough, contemporary enough, relatable enough, young enough or just plain enough enough for the theatrical film market as it stood at the time.

Speaking for those projects that I DID NOT write, since no one can be objective about their own work, I promise you that determination is and was BULLSH-T since all of them could have been enough if given the chance.

Hi! I'm Anxiety. — World of Miley
Ya got that right

But, of course, it depends on what you mean by enough.  My definition is a film, or potential film or film element, that is entertaining or meaningful or satisfying to  group of people other than your friends and relatives. 

The theatrical deciders’ definition is a piece of material that will make them unlimited scads of money for the smallest amount of risk despite the tried and true adage, Nothing ventured, Nothing gained.

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Main priority

Meaning, screenwriter William Goldman’s summation of the movie business and all its marketplace gatekeepers in his seminal 1983 memoir Adventures in the Screen Trade still, and perennially, applies:

NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING.

What especially no one knows anymore is what a movie is by 2025 and beyond standards and how it should or will be consumed. (Note:  Consumed?  What a horrible but applicable choice of words, as if we’re eating soylent green, though in a sense we are).

The chief complaint about Netflix and other streaming platforms is that their mere existence spells the death knell of the movie business, and the fact that it’s gobbling up one of what remains of a handful of big Hollywood studios ushers in the end of “movies.”

Well the view from my office would certainly change

After all, what incentive does Netflix have for people to watch a film outside of their homes, in a theatre (aka, the definition of a “real” movie)?

About as much as David Zaslav, a former cable/streaming exec who was put in charge of theatrical when he was made CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery in 2022 cares about it. 

Skeletor From Masters Of The Universe Trivia
His company portrait

Though probably more, since one of Zaslav’s first acts when put in charge was a cost-cutting measure that would’ve ended the one cable channel most beloved by movie lovers, TCM (Turner Classic Movies), as we know it, until filmmakers Paul Thomas Anderson and Martin Scorsese and others stepped in to exert a little… ahem… pressure.

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Bless you, Marty

This while Netflix stepped up and made movies and deals with some of the top directors in the movie business, including Martin Scorsese (The Irishman), Guillermo del Toro (Frankenstein), Rian Johnson (Knives Out II and III) and Greta Gerwig (the upcoming Chronicles of Narnia) and her husband Noah Baumbach (the just-released George Clooney starrer, Jay Kelly). 

All of these films have had or will have theatrical runs of various lengths and all the work of these and most other filmmakers will likely continue to do so.

Are they or will they be as long as they used to be?  Well, um, no.

Debating GIFs | Tenor
I mean… I think I could be OK with that

But to all of the movie consumers out there – nerds, intellectuals, horror fanatics, foreign film fans, the super-hero obsessed or rom-com fanatics – how many times have you uttered these four words in the last number of years:

Is it streaming yet?

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Guilty!

It is worth noting the film most likely to win this year’s best picture Oscar and, for my money, the best film of 2025, Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another, was a Warner Bros. release that played a mere eight weeks before being available to rent or buy on streamers. 

This is not very long at all by traditional standards. And will undoubtedly vary depending on how much demand there is to see a film and how much money can be made on them.

One Gif After Another : r/paulthomasanderson
… and there he goes

I used to marvel when my parents recounted to me there was a time that they huddled around the RADIO to listen to original serialized storytelling.  The same way I did to my husband a few years ago when I suddenly realized true crime podcasts were becoming the new commercial “thing,” making something very recognizably radio popular again.

Do I long for the old days of movies?

Not so much.

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I’m with Margo

What I long for instead are the days of more good and great movies and less pure commercial garbage for the mythical lowest common denominator, non-thinking international, four quadrant audience.

And on that subject, I’d put more faith in Netflix than in the guy who treated Dr. Pimple Popper and 90 Day Fiancé with the same reverence as a Scorsese or Nolan film when he first listed them on HBO Max.

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Nuff said

Not that there is anything wrong with any film or TV show of any kind. Including the steamy Heated Rivalry, which I have every intention of watching in between this year’s Oscar movies – at the theatre and at home.

On my couch. 

Doom scrolling.

The Beach Boys – “In My Room”

Don’t Mess with TCM

This week a tone deaf, corporate media power broker in charge of Warner Bros/Discovery decided to fire the entire upper management of Turner Classic Movies and fold the hugely popular network into its media empire.

Boo! Hiss!

To translate power broker actions into plain English that meant the plan was to squeeze the life out of a division with one of the most loyal audience bases around until it either disappears entirely or learns to coexist side by side with offerings like Dirty Jobs, Moonshiners and Naked and Afraid.

In other words, a platform where one can watch pristine classic films, learn film history from people who have spent their lives living and generally inspiring generations of younger artists worldwide through their work has as much value as a TV series where two naked people are dropped in the “wilderness” with a machete each week and we watch them survive in what is passed off as “real time.”

Hollywood doesn’t have loyalty to much but there is a very strong dedication by the people who actually make movies to preserve classic films and pass on their legacy to future generations.

That’s why even before the downsizing of TCM went viral, three A List directors – Steven Spielberg, Martin Scorsese and Paul Thomas Anderson – had emergency meetings, separately and together, with said power broker, lobbying on behalf of the network.

I’ll just imagine it like this scene

Undoubtedly, there was also an implicit warning.  Squeeze out the life of TCM in any substantial way, a brand that hasn’t ever made a fortune but has almost always made a bit of money, and risk alienating the bulk of the prestige film community.

This may not sound like much but after losing the one prestige level filmmaker in the WB stable – Christopher Nolan – to Universal for his latest picture, Oppenheimer, the powers that be have been reportedly anxious, nee desperate, to lure the likes of his talent back into the studio fold.

A little something like this

This is especially true since its latest hopes for a tent pole superhero film, The Flash, opened at disappointing box-office levels.  Not to mention the fact that right after the big WB/Discovery merger it decided to not even release another big budget superhero venture, Batgirl.   (Note: The bigwig determined it just wasn’t worth the trouble and marketing costs and that the $100+ million dollar tax write-off was far more appealing).

But back to TCM.   Meaning, what is the result of all this?

This is going to upset me

Well, a few days ago a lot of carefully-worded press releases assured fans and industryites that there were conversations and separate and group phone calls all around where the filmmakers were assured that TCM would continue and the media exec denied there was EVER any plan to get rid of it to begin with.

Right.

Suuuuuuure

The latter is at best sort of laughable when a classic film network has no one running it other than another corporate exec that oversees, um, WB/D’s Cartoon Network, as well as some other divisions.

Perhaps that’s why the PR solution to all of this was to several days later now give TCM to the two executives who run the film division at Warner Bros. Film Group – Michael DeLuca and Pamela Abdy. 

I mean, what else do they have to do, right?  Also, the guy who runs the Cartoon Network, as well as Discovery Family and Adult Swim and so many more, will still be in charge of TCM’s financial side.  So, sure, nothing can go wrong and nothing at all will change.

Right???? 

Gimme a break!

Vote yes if you agree.

Of course, change is inevitable, especially in the entertainment industry.  That would be a place where film studios, which include corporate streaming entities, are refusing to budge from their no change in negotiation status after a two-month plus writers strike.

The streamer plan is to keep their profit margins and revenues from the work generated by writers as secret as possible and to hold onto the right to do what they will with future artificial intelligence.  If that means merely hiring writers for a few weeks to punch up some A.I. generated stories, so be it.  Clearly, A.I. can do as well as Naked and Afraid, probably better.

Say that again, I dare ya!

Other producers/studios/corporate owners seem to be onboard with that plan, along with the idea of negotiating separately with each large union that makes their product in hopes of marginalizing writers, or any union for that matter, that stands in the way of what they consider progress.

Progress being the largest bottom line profits available for the smallest risks and largest rewards.

Bette Davis, David O. Selznick and Orson Welles must be turning over in their graves.  Not that any one who holds the purse strings cares.  Or thinks much about what and who came before them.  Or, in some cases, even knows who they are.

You tell em Bette

If this sounds like The Chair is pissed off, yeah, you got that right.  There is nothing wrong with reality TV or superhero movies except when they overrun the world and relegate everything and everyone else to sit in a corner.

Because when the latter two hog all of the daylight and attention – and funds – everything in that corner dies from malnourishment and lack of sunlight.

TCM Remembers 2022