THE BEST OF THE WORST

Let’s agree not to say or write 2020 was the worst year we can remember because, well, we don’t know what’s coming next.

I mean, no one could have predicted this sh-t show, this confluence of events, this utter turd avalanche that hit the world, and the United States in particular, for the last 12 months.

Sure, some of it.  But…all of it???

You can’t primarily blame any one person, but here on my throne in Hollywood I do

so, privately, each day.  And I do so publicly once or twice a week when I go on his twitter page and simply type –

LOSER. YOU LOST!

It’s cheaper than renting this van!
(currently googling how much it would be to rent this van #2021)

My husband thinks it’s immature and silly but hey, it makes me feel productive AND a lot better, two things I haven’t experienced much of since, well, 2019.

Admittedly, I do it partly in the hopes that he might see it or someone else will who could tell him.  But I mostly do it because one of the few positive things I’ve learned in this horrifically awful past year is that if some small act that doesn’t involve drug taking or violence lightens your load then hey, why not?

Does that make me no better than a Karen or a Ken

I’m gonna need to talk to the manager

Well, that’s for others to judge.  Which, I’ve also learned in the last year, is inevitable.

Speaking of judgments, I will admit that in wanting to normalize 2020, i.e. not give it any MORE than the already underserved and very extra special attention it’s currently getting, I attempted to make a traditional best and worst list.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Everything bad couldn’t come close to the totality of the year itself, so why list any one of them individually?  Everything good was simply just that — good.  Not great, not list worthy and certainly nothing much to write home, or here, about.

Perhaps there should be a moratorium on lists and awards for anything to the end of time for this entire year? 

Can someone make that rule? 

Joe?  Kamala?

She’s on it. #MOREMAYA2021

Do we want to give anyone that much executive power ever again?

I gotta say once I get past all the virus, disease, death, mask wearing and hand sanitizing of it all, well, there isn’t a lot left except the nascent smell of alcohol permeating everything in my room or on my person. 

Certainly not enough to explore the issue of executive power with.

And if there were I left them in a recorded Zoom chat that has likely already been permanently deleted. 

2021 – Year of the Hammer

Though as we all now know, nothing is permanent and certainly not one bit of it is EVER permanently DELETED.

I will say binging all six seasons of Schitt’s Creek nicely filled up a dozen or more evenings in our house this year.   And learning I’m not that unlike David Rose, only THREE decades older, filled a few online therapy sessions.

I found my religion

There were also the Sarah Cooper videos lip synching to audio of that LOSER spouting off recommendations of bleach injections; Leslie Jones’ Twitter commentary on those opining on the state of the world due to the LOSER; and a barrage of so much cable news that I became obsessed with writing to MSNBC’s Steve Kornacki, gay man to gay man, in an effort to get him to purchase a shirt, jacket and pair of pants that fit him right.  That’s how much I felt obligated, as a newfound friend, to tell him. The same for Pete Buttigieg.

Of course, Kornacki was just voted one of the sexiest guys alive (Note: People’s “Chartthrob’) and Pete is moving to D.C. to be in Biden’s cabinet so in the long run it’s probably a good thing I didn’t excel at follow through all during all this turmoil.

Leaving that to Chasten… for now

Though watching Ryan Murphy’s Netflix version of The Prom was a great big gay piece of bubble gum that gave me relief for about as long as, well, bubble gum lasts. I could also say the same for Disney’s Hamilton, David Fincher’s Mank (Note: Watch Amanda Seyfried steal the Glenn Close’s eighth chance at an Oscar this April!), every Christmas movie on Hallmark and Lifetime and all of the many offerings on Turner Classic Movies that temporarily kept me from going insane.

Except for the Westerns.  I hate the TCM (or any, really) Westerns. There, I said it. 

Way harsh Chairy!

Though I did enjoy Damien Chazelle’s dramatic musical limited series, The Eddy (Note: Somehow sorta gay) as well as The Queen’s Gambit (Note: Somehow VERY gay).  Thanks Netflix and don’t think I haven’t noticed your 2020 recommendations have now confirmed a sort of, VERY definite pattern.   

Though not a list.  Never a list.

Which brings me to the one thing I DO gravitate towards and couldn’t resist this year  — the 2020 f-k off videos.

This… exactly.

If there were a best of list to be rightfully made for this past road kill of an almost obsolete calendar it would be each and every one of them.

You might want to listen to this viral TikTok ditty from this all female group called Avenue Beat, literally entitled “Fuck 2020.”  This year being what it is, it shouldn’t surprise anyone to learn that these three young childhood friends from Quincy, Ill., who have been singing together since they were 14 year old, have already been getting major nasty Internet blowback for all the attention they’re getting.  To which I reiterate their message of:

Though equally as good was the Toronto advertising agency, Public Inc., that produced the ultimate mental health PSA, #Eff2020.  It’s everything you’ve thought and/or screamed at your TV, or out loud in small, socially distanced groups when you were feeling especially feisty  – aka – All. The. Time.

That being said, perhaps we should close out the year on some small positive note of… hope? I’m not an especially spiritual soul except when it comes to the white witchery of Stevie Nicks. 

She released this haunting new song in October and no one told me. 

But, I found it anyway.

And if that’s not a road map for 2021, well…..

Stevie Nicks – “Show Them The Way”

American Exhale

How much time do you think it was from when the polls began closing on Election Day 2020 to the moment Joe Biden was declared our next President of the United States?

I got you babe!

LESS.  THAN.  FOUR.  DAYS.

For those of us who felt really desperate to hear this news, and at last count that number was close to a record 75 million, it felt like just less than FOUR. YEARS. 

And that is because…IT.  WAS.

It definitely did not feel like the Good Place

When Joe Biden officially becomes our 46th POTUS on Jan. 20, 2021, that’s when you will hear the final collective sigh of relief.  But for right now, the almost 75 million of us will just have to satisfy ourselves with one collective exhale.

And a good night’s sleep.

Say goodbye to junk food, Nate Silver and even Steve Kornacki at the Big Board.  He needs his sleep, too. (Note:  If you’re unfamiliar with Kornacki’s Khakis or obsessive Kornacki Watch, well, here’s a link to get you started).

#TrackingKornacki #WILSONNNN

It’s amazing the indulgences we humans choose and the indignities we humans can get used to, isn’t it?  When I told one of the many doctors I manage to still go to for check-ins that I was beginning to wonder whether my obsessive addiction to this election and its results has any real point to it he asked me how it made me feel?  To which I said:

Actually, it’s strangely calming.  If the apocalypse comes, I can warn people in advance and try to figure something out for myself and the people I love.

To which he said:  Well, then it’s not a problem.

I’m a GENIUS

Nor was binge eating junk food in those super intensive last two weeks really an issue for any of us.  No two weeks of putting any kind of crap into your body will likely kill you.  Heck, some people can do it for 74 years.  Just look at ….

Okay, I promised myself I wouldn’t mention HIS NAME so I’m not going to.  Mostly because –

WE DON’T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, yes, I know.  He’s not gone yet and there are a couple of more months where anything can happen.  But while we’re exhaling, can we also take a few moments to just feel good about ourselves???

The first WOMAN in our almost 250-year history – not to mention the first WOMAN OF COLOR during that time – has just been elected VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

That’s Kamala Harris. 

Introducing MADAM Vice President

Not to mention, do you know she is also the FIRST DEMOCRAT FROM CALIFORNIA IN U.S. HISTORY to ever be elected to one of the two top jobs?

You’re welcome, America.

Are we forgiven for this now?

We have also lived to see another brilliant woman of color responsible for spear heading the dismantling of the death grasp the Republican Party has on the throat of the Old South when it comes to presidential elections.

That’s Stacey Abrams. 

It was her persistence and dedication to voting rights and voter registration after she lost her 2018 race for governor due to voter suppression that was key to flipping GEORGIA BLUE just a couple of nights ago.

She knew #AmericanHero

I mean, if that had been me I think I’d just about be crawling out from under my covers by now.

Which brings us to our President Elect.

I’m old enough to vaguely remember when this balding young guy who just got elected to Congress found out his wife and daughter were killed in a car accident that also badly inured his two young sons. 

I also remember my young self thinking:

That’s one of the most horrible things I’ve ever heard! This guy’s life is toast.  Oh my god, how can something like that happen???? 

Which was the same moment Joe Biden turned to the universe and said, Um, not so fast.

Drive the ‘vette to DC, Joey

See, it’s not an accident at this time (and in this year) he became president after a near half century of public life that included TWO unsuccessful runs for the White House.

After four years of hysteria and desperation, he is about the ONLY politician in the country who could collectively move and inspire us simply by proclaiming to a small crowd of our fellow citizens in a Delaware parking lot, during a pandemic, things like:

  • We Won’t Lead by the Example of OUR POWER but by the POWER OF OUR EXAMPLE…
  • THE ONE WORD THAT DEFINES AMERICA IS…POSSIBILITY.

And

  • KEEP THE FAITH…then… SPREAD THE FAITH.
My moment of zen

Yes, somehow these were the very words we all needed and longed to hear.

See, when you talk about how you’ve lived, and the principles that have worked for you, you don’t need to insult your enemies, lie to your supporters or indulge in the LONG CON in order to get them on your side.

All you really need to do is tell the truth.

Could you have imagined that as THE winning strategy last week at this time?  Can you even imagine four years of it???

Yes we can.

Mama Cass – “New World Coming”