Macho Men

We might be on the verge of voting in our first female president so it seems only fitting that in its closing days this election has suddenly become about…

Masculinity.

Oh hey.

This is what happens in a country primarily ruled by men.

 And, in terms of the top job, ONLY ruled by men.

As a gay man I’ve always had an odd relationship with the “M” word. 

Macho. Effeminate. Toxic. Weak. Strong.  Hot.  Silent. Violent. Loving. Sensitive.  Kind. Caring.  Caretaker. Provider. Independent. Lone Wolf.  Alpha. Beta. Follower. Leader. President. King.

me

Searching for identity through the decades I can testify that nobody knows exactly what “M” is because it depends on the situation and, quite frankly, the month and the year and the decade that you ask.

This is why most men that I know choose to take what they want from one or more of the above categories, as well as from others of their own (Note: And/or from those passed on to them by their families), mix it all together in adolescence and through their twenties, and emerge as you see them, nee us, today.

A messy experiment in maleness that has no real definition and knows no bounds.  Or constraints.

Like.. whatever this is!

True, I’m being a little cute by half.  But some of us guys learn to do just that to confuse you.   Though mostly it’s to avoid giving you a definitive answer or read on who we are.

We try to pretend we’ve got secrets..  But usually, in our quiet moments, we’re simply just as confused as you are. Or anyone.

This weekend I went to see The Apprentice, aka the Donald Trump origin story, so you wouldn’t have to.  Actually, you should see it.  It’s gritty, troubling, never-boring and features two top notch performances by Sebastian Stan (Younger Trump) and Jeremy Strong (Younger Trump’s lawyer/mentor Roy Cohn).   

Oh my car phone

One of the things that might surprise you is that much of  DJT’s big, bold, amoral, ruthless faux “masculine” behavior was taught to him by a small, closeted, gay Jewish man from New York City in the 1970s. 

Okay, you might think you already know this but to actually see it fully dramatized on a great big movie screen is to finally really KNOW it. 

Me, on the way to the theater

Roy Cohn was a wealthy, powerful lawyer and kingmaker in New York.  A thoroughly corrupt but extremely successful man who traveled in the most exclusive monied circles in the city who rose to fame as lawyer for the disgraced 1950’s right wing Commie-chasing Senator Joseph McCarthy, and as the U.S. Department of Justice prosecutor who won a questionable espionage case against Julius and Ethel Rosenberg and took public and very gleeful pride when it led to their electric chair executions in 1953 and left their two young children parentless.

But back to the film.

OK but only if we can talk about Ivana’s coat

To see a fangless, twenty-something wannabe, pudgy, nothingburger Trump from Queens literally on his knees worshipping at the feet of the silk suited, Satanic Cohn – locking eyes into his death stare as various male assistants and boyfriends linger about and help him do his dirty work – is one of the great juxtapositions of hateful masculine power broking I’ve ever witnessed.  

Whether it figuratively or literally happened in that moment, history and facts and Trump himself often credits Cohn’s three cold, creepy phrases as his North Star to success in life as a powerful and VERY Alpha Male.

  1. Attack, Attack, Attack
  2. Deny Everything and Admit Nothing (aka – What Is Truth?) – and –
  3. Never Admit Defeat (aka – Always Declare Victory)
Hear our prayer

The Cohn/Trump strongman is a fictional strawman packaged with a big red ribbon instead of a femmy pink one.  A shell game and a blame game whose only end game is winning at all costs.  In other words –personal gain. 

It is this breach of masculinity that former President Obama stepped into this past week at a rally for Kamala Harris in Pittsburgh. Addressing the Trump by way of Cohn brand, he spoke specifically to the men in that very large (Note: The LARGEST!)  crowd when he stated:

“I’m sorry, gentlemen, I’ve noticed…especially with some men who seem to think Trump’s behavior — the bullying and the putting people down — is a sign of strength…

Real strength is about working hard and carrying a heavy load without complaining. Real strength is about taking responsibility for your actions and telling the truth even when it’s inconvenient. Real strength is about helping people who need it and standing up for those who can’t always stand up for themselves.

Obama was more blunt at a small campaign office full of Black men later that day when he pushed the message further and more personally.  Noting that he was getting reports from the campaign that energy and turnout in black communities, especially among males, was not quite where it was when he was running, and that it “seems to be more pronounced with the brothers,” he told them point blank:

Part of it makes me think — and I’m speaking to men directly — part of it makes me think that, well, you just aren’t feeling the idea of having a woman as president, and you’re coming up with other alternatives and other reasons for that…. Well, women in our lives have been getting our backs this entire time… When we get in trouble and the system isn’t working for us, they’re the ones out there marching and protesting.”

Say that again

And for those on the fence, still tempted by the power brand of Trump, aka the strength he exudes, Obama had a calm, well-reasoned but extremely compelling contrast between the Black and Asian heritaged Kamala Harris and the Supremely White former president, and lawfully confirmed despite his inability to do so,  2020 presidential loser.

On the one hand, you have somebody who grew up like you, knows you, went to college with you, understands the struggles and pain and joy that comes from those experiences…And on the other side, you have someone who has consistently shown disregard, not just for the communities, but for you as a person.”

Will someone please pick up the mic?

It will be “interesting” to see whether a more evolved,  21st century type of “M” will break through the zeitgeist and allow the first woman in U.S. history, a woman of color no less,  to occupy the Oval Office.

Yes allow.  Because the old-fashioned kind does not cede the ground easily.

Village People – “Macho Man”

Just Try Me

screen-shot-2016-12-11-at-7-26-23-am

Here’s how this is gonna go from now on.

– If we meet and I find out you voted for Donald Trump and continue to support his policies I will confront you.

– I will confront you if you are a friend, relative or a friend of a friend or relative.

– I will confront you on social media even if I don’t know you but you are posting on a friend or follower’s page.

-I will confront you if you are in my home, at a dinner party, on the street, in a restaurant, at the movies and, most especially in front of people we know.

– I will confront you and I will be tireless. I won’t stop. Seriously. I will have an answer for every argument you posit and I will not hesitate to roll around in the mud with you, no matter how nasty and dismissive your argument gets.

– I will confront you because there is no time to be nice and to pretend that you have not wrapped your arms around someone who is a mentally imbalanced pathological liar, corrupt, racist, sexist and bereft of morality. Someone who doesn’t read, is not very smart and is a threat not only to the country but to the very existence of the world.

– I will confront you because time is ticking and it is not on my side. In fact, it is not on your side either but you are too brainwashed, prejudiced or set in your ways to look at reality.

mic drop

mic drop

I really wouldn’t care to engage with you at all if I didn’t have to share the world with you. I’d let you and your kind burn to the ground at this point. But being that we have to breathe the same air – at least while we can breathe  it – I will attempt to persuade you into reality using what has always been the most effective means at my disposal – words. Yes, I will listen to you but I will not indulge your fantasies, your fake news or your claimed past history of being a decent human being. Everything about you is indecent at this point. If you knew better or had any morality left you’d be ashamed.

I won’t go through a litany of what the Pres. Elect (who lost the popular vote by more than 2.8 MILLION and counting) has done in the last few weeks. Things like appointing a woman to head the Dept. of Education who doesn’t believe in public schools, a guy to head the Environmental Protection Agency who doesn’t believe in global warming, a billionaire businessman to head the Dept. of Labor who doesn’t believe in the minimum wage and a religious homophobe to head the Department of Housing and Urban Development who admits his only experience for the job is that he was “raised in the inner city.”

Oh! And he owns a home too! #wowie

Oh! And he owns a home too! #wowie

Here’s what I will do. I will mention and provide a link to the Washington Post expose that just came out detailing the undeniable evidence that both the CIA and FBI have proof Vladimir Putin and Russia spent the last year trying to influence voters and tilt the election to Trump with fake news, massive computer hacking and god knows what else (oh and this NY Times piece too). If we meet in person or online I will make a good case to you that given Trump’s former campaign manager Paul Manafort became a very wealthy man working for Russian and Ukranian oligarchs it is logical and likely the campaign and the candidate himself had at the very least knowledge of this and more probably aided and abetted them. I will also share several stories I’ve heard over the last few years from very wealthy people that the working class billionaire Pres. Elect himself had become HEAVILY in debt to Russian banks and billionaires in order to keep his financial empire afloat and that, until his emergence in the Republican field, was denied much if any bank credit in this country anymore. No I can’t legally prove that but ask yourself another question – why does Trump go out of his way to NEVER criticize Putin or Russia or ANY of their military or financial misdeeds when there is almost NO ONE in the world other than family and a handful of fellow billionaires, and certainly not a SINGLE OTHER COUNTRY, who he has not criticized?

Two is just not enough

Two is just not enough

Also ask yourself, why were Republican members of Congress actively attempting to suppress all information about Russia’s involvement in our election while the election was going on – so much so that Republican Sen. Majority Leader Mitch McConnell threatened Pres. Obama with an orchestrated smear of political bias if he dared to speak out about how widespread our government believed the Russians were in influencing the election?

Oh, and I will also ask you this follow-up question: “If you claim to love this country as much as you say you do, and the idiot Elect claims to, and the Republican members of Congress say they do, and you all truly want to “make America great again” (whatever the hell that means) – “Why does all of this not matter to you?”

... but saying this sends you into a tailspin. #priorities

… but saying this sends you into a tailspin. #priorities

What I won’t argue about is that Pres. Obama, born uniter and glass half full scholar in chief that he is, should have screamed the truth as loud and as strong as he could from the presidential bully pulpit and let all the chips fall where they might. Perhaps he had information we all didn’t but it’s hard to imagine that whatever he knew could possibly be worse than the outcome we’ve already gotten. Still, the end of the story has not been written yet and he’s a lot smarter than I am so perhaps there is a method to his momentary madness. At least I hope so.

Barack, whatcha gonna do?

Barack, whatcha gonna do?

You are welcome to say things to me like liberals can’t hear opposing views, you’re exaggerating and why don’t you give the guy a chance. I’ve heard them all and have well-reasoned responses. You can also call me a Jew or a fag or mutter other epithets under your breath because I’ve heard all of those recently and through my life and know just what to shoot back online or in person with the likes of those of you who will do that. I and my kind don’t scare easily so give it your best shot but don’t try to sell me on the idea that Trump’s senior advisor Steve Bannon isn’t a rabid anti-Semite and a racist. That really insults my intelligence and what little you have left.

I see you... and I'm not taking my eyes off of you

I see you… and I’m not taking my eyes off of you

By the way, you might be interested to know how I finally reached my tipping point with you. Strangely enough, it was the NBC live broadcast this past week of the Broadway musical Hairspray. It’s a cream puff of show but it thematically does deal with a chubby girl who tries to integrate a local TV dance show in the early sixties and has to battle a gaggle of privileged and unprivileged white people who down to their very souls believe Blacks are inferior – as is anyone who is overweight, or who is skinny and wears glasses, or is, well, even a little different from them.

Thank you perfectly polished NBC cast #evenyouArianna #especiallyyouderek

Thank you perfectly polished NBC cast #evenyouAriana #especiallyyouderek

When this show debuted on Broadway more than 10 years ago it was fun and nostalgic and was a reminder of a hard fought history lesson. This week it was strangely relevant and resonant and all too timely. It spoke to a new era under an incoming president whose supporters scream his name at rallies with Hitler-like salutes, spew hate-speak at minorities nationwide in public places, and shout down, threaten and troll online and in person anyone who dares to vehemently disagree with him. I was a kid when these battles were fought and I’ll be damned if in my third act of life I’m going to let the likes of you drag us back 50 years in time.

And no, I’m not going to give the white working class of this country a big warm hug for tolerating lies and racism so they could have a national temper tantrum that will endanger the safety of the entire global community. We’re all hurting in different ways. But there are lines that are not crossed.   And once crossed we confront them. So stay tuned and get used to people like me being right up in your face because this won’t let up for at least the next four years. You’re not going to drag us down to the gutter of beliefs where you have so very unwisely chosen to live.

Oh, and indeed, you are a basket of deplorables. Though that’s the nice term.