I’m With Her (Duh)

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I’m The Chair and I approve this message.

Let’s get this out of the way first.

1. There is NO LACK OF ENTHUSIASM for the election of Hillary Clinton to be the 45th president of the U.S.

I don’t know everything but I do know bullshit. I know it EXTREMELY well as a trained journalist who segued into entertainment public relations and then became a screenwriter and college professor. Every job I’ve ever HAD has required me to professionally expose or shovel bullshit. Mountains of it. And I’m here to tell you, tens of millions of people are dying for, praying for, jonesing for Hillary to be back in the White House in January.

... and this time in a better office #niceview

… and this time in a better office #niceview

We live in a world of manufactured memes propagated on social media. When I was young the term was propaganda. When my parents were young they called it gossip. Refer to it how you will but don’t swallow it.

The no one really likes Hillary line of attack is just that – a line. It’s an easy way to categorize a worker bee pol who was been around for four decades doing grunt work – sometimes successfully, other times controversially, and most times with an extreme intellect and take no prisoners or many prisoners style, depending on your choice of metaphors.

The LINE is an easy way for competing media and political outlets to categorize her, drum up clicks and controversy and, thus, create viewers and readers, which in turn morphs into manufactured news, which then presumably morphs into ratings and sales. I mean, you have to poll and report on SOMETHING the public can easily UNDERSTAND these days, right? What’s more understandable than – NO ONE IS REALLY EXCITED ABOUT YOU because, let’s face it, NO ONE REALLY LIKES YOU?? Uh…HER! 

Know it when you see it

Know it when you see it

It’s lazy thinking, lazy reporting and even lazy meme-ing. (Note: And so 1972 high school). Though lazy is not necessarily bad if it works. But in this case, it won’t. Which brings us to –

2. We HAVE TO STOP a racist, fascistic, sexual predator, know-nothing, non-studying, mentally ill misogynist, loose cannon, like Donald Trump from bringing down civilization.

This is neither gossip, meme, nor bullshit. Take the next hour and consider #KremlinDon with the key to the nuclear codes and the might of the entire American military at his tweety bird-like fingertips. No, not a minute, not five minutes – a FULL HOUR. (Note: We’ll wait).…. Okay, well many tens of millions have ALREADY thought long and hard about this for more than the full 60 Minutes (Note: Oh, if only Mike, and not Chris Wallace were still alive to do THAT interview) and have done the work for you. Hence the massive nervous breakdowns many of your friends and neighbors have been having for the last several weeks and why they all and more WILL be turning out in droves on Election Day.

Watchin' the polls like Tippi (credit to brilliant former student Chris Ryan for this gem)

Watchin’ the polls like Tippi (credit to brilliant former student Chris Ryan for this gem)

Indeed, the no one likes you meme can cut both ways and, in this case, will in turn translate into: everyone is terrified of you because you’re nuts so we have to stop YOUR election. And thus we WILL vote for Hillary. Happily. Enthusiastically. And Massively. Even if it has to be HYSTERICALLY.

I'm GIDDY for Hill

I’m GIDDY for Hill  #butchaareBlanche

To put it another way, I come from a betting family and am willing to lay all kinds of odds right now that there are more American voters fearful of a world drenched in orange rage that there are those repelled at the thought of four years of jewel toned power pants suits. Not that there’s anything wrong with the latter. Which moves us finally to

3. HILLARY IS THE BEST PERSON FOR THE JOB AND WILL MAKE A DAMNED GOOD PRESIDENT.

HILL YES

HILL YES

For God (or whatever you believe Him or Her to be) sakes – what the hell does this woman have to do to prove herself? Crusading lawyer for children’s rights and civil rights in the sixties; First Lady of Arkansas in the seventies; Mom in the eighties; First Lady of the U.S. in the nineties; Senator from N.Y in the early aughts.; Secretary of State in the late aughts: Best-selling author in the 2010s. Or how about early fighter for single payer health care? Early fighter for women’s rights in… China of all places? Not to mention, wife of a serial philanderer who has somehow managed to keep her marriage together for more than 40 years?!! (Note: Okay, for me the latter doesn’t really carry much weight but why not throw it in in hopes of getting at least a few more votes from the precious “white suburban women” they keep drumming into our heads about).

The emails? Really? No, no — REALLY? When Russia, Wiki Leaks and others have pretty much hacked into and cyber-stolen data from this many American political groups, corporations and yes, even government agencies all over the world? As we have done to them and pretty much everyone else? Do you think much of ANYTHING is secure? And really, wouldn’t you have had your own private server 10 years or so ago if you could have managed it, instead of two, three or four cell phones and/or Blackberrys? (Note: This was before the IPhone 6, 7, 8 OR 9).

The meme that I would be OK with never seeing again #GROAN

The meme that I would be OK with never seeing again #GROAN

There is no lifelong politician or non-politician with whom you will agree with on everything. Not Bernie Sanders. Not Gary Johnson. Not Jill Stein. In fact, there is no person in your life you will concur with on every question in the world. But that is reality. That is what makes the world, and life, interesting. And challenging. It’s not always about who would be the most fun to have over for dinner, or even a beer (Note: Though I just bet Hils would be quite entertaining with just one, or maybe even two glasses of wine. But I digress…)

Dreaming is good but this is a sad, dirty election in the here and now of 2016. Only one of two people will be president – Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. And it is closer than any of us imagined. I believe Hillary Clinton is the most qualified and WILL WIN despite the kitchen sink mentality of a significant group of Americans, many of who have legitimate gripes with their current reality. But it’s closer than it should be – scary close because even relatively close is scary when our other choice is not only generally uniformed but specifically mentally ill.   (Note: That’s not hyperbole. He’s a textbook sociopath).

The New Yorker nails it again #nevertrump #never #ever #ever

The New Yorker nails it again #nevertrump #never #ever #ever

Hillary is brilliant and knows where the bodies are buried. She’s proactive, nothing stops her. And she’s more liberal than Dems and liberals think, and more reasonable than conservatives FEAR and/or are saying. I am HONORED to vote for Hillary. It’s not a compromise for me or millions of others. In any year. But especially this one — when she is running against an unbalanced racist –a person who knows NOTHING about laws and government and the principals of freedom of speech and due process. Would you want a brain surgeon opening your head if you had a tumor or someone who plays one on TV and has NEVER even watched an operation, has NO SCHOOLING with a scalpel and no interest in learning? In fact, little interest in anything that in some way doesn’t have to do with his own id?

This is why #ImWithHer. If not for myself, then for every millennial I’ve ever taught and every woman I’ve ever met. Make that every American I’ve ever met.

Seven Ways to Survive

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The Chair (that’s me) is on a deadline with the finish line in sight. But here’s the thing –

HOLD ON.

We all simply have to

HOLD ON!!!

The emails, the sex scandals, the WEINER OF IT ALL!!

Seriously, how do you deal with it?

Well, here’s what I do.

1 – Eat pizza – There is just something soothing about all that forbidden cheese. (NOTE: No, not cheeZE – we’re getting enough of that in the news). Dripping in deliciousness. Though I’m partial to extra crispy crust.   But there’s only how well you can do with that at home. For truly near burnt dough, you’ve got to have your own pizza oven, turn it up to 600 degrees and resist the temptation to stick your head in. Chair advice: Turn off your device of choice and leave the house.

Welp, that's one way to do it

Welp, that’s one way to do it

2- Exercise – Yeah, I know. But if anything can get you out of the house to do it, this can. It’s going to be depressing, that first day back at the gym. But you’ll feel so good when you’re done. I promise. And you’ll look that much better at the HRC victory party.

3- Sex – I’m not going there. Though I just did. But given this election cycle it feels appropriate, doesn’t it? And besides, I could have gone further. A lot further. But unlike the rest of the middle-aged to old white men surrounding HRC, I’m not a sleaze, a predator and have nothing unsavory on video of tape. I promise. Yes, I know you’ve heard that before. But this time it’s true. ‘Nuff said.

4- Rant on social media – Many people have asked me how I can stand following all of this. (Note: Yeah, That). But many more have thanked me for speaking out, keeping them entertained and generally providing commentary on what has over the months become an impossibly ridiculous real time Black comedy. Right, Black. As in “my African Americans, where are my African Americans????”

It's the little things

It’s the little things

One former student asked me on Twitter, how can you stand it? My answer: It keeps me sane. I’ve now got her tweeting about It. Well, not me – I won’t take full responsibility. But if I can provide some small inspiration in the name of sanity, Hey, I’m there. #DealMeIn.

5- Listen to your favorite female diva – In the car. And sing along. LOUDLY. In a very, very FIERCE voice. For me, this worked with the re-mastered re-release of Bette Midler’s debut album, The Divine Miss M.  Do you know that I actually did a commanding solo of both Delta Dawn and Leon Russell’s Superstar in the VW Bug Convertible going up and down Mulholland Drive? Now, how gay is that??? (Note: In a good way). Full disclaimer: The top wasn’t down. There are limits. Even for the Chair. Though not many.

BRB, getting fitted for my fins #boogiewoogiebugleboy

BRB, getting fitted for my fins #boogiewoogiebugleboy

6- Plan an election day party – You’re probably thinking, oh please, I just want this to be over. That’s party enough!! But I beg to differ. You didn’t come this far to just let it all go, did you? It’s like what I tell my writing students. You mean you’re going to hand in your final script to me without printing out a title page with the phrase of your choice, followed with BY (Fill in your name). You did not come all this way to not take some credit for all of your hard work – even if what all of your hard work amounted to is just listening. Because listening, and enduring, and listening some more, and living through this sh-t show, deserves some sort of celebration. Or are you just the kind of person who denies yourself that particular type of joy? No, I don’t think so. Not on my watch.

7- Choose your drinking game of choice. This needn’t include alcohol. In fact, it can also be your eating game of choice. Or your – anything consumable game of choice (Note: We take no responsibility for your choices and it goes without saying – nothing dangerous and no driving. You’ve seen those commercials. BUZZ driving is DRUNK driving).

I'M WITH HER

I’M WITH HER

Still, when the day comes that this insanity is over – or, at least this chapter of the insanity, make a game of it. Life is too serious and the fate of the world is too precarious to not indulge. Just a little. So once Rachel, or Brian Williams, or Blitzer, or Meghan Kelly or Chris Wallace or George Stephanopoulos or whoever the hell you’ll hear it from, announces that the U.S. has its first female president in more than two centuries – take a VERY LONG SWIG – of something. And celebrate the fact that you are alive at this time. And managed to live through it. MORE LATER.

MUCH, MUCH MORE.

PS – No, the WORST will NOT happen. Say it with me. Again. Then Again. Now – One more time. Now Rinse. And repeat your Seven Steps above.