Covidable

Hi Everyone — Chair here.

So after almost four glorious years of outrageously defying the odds, it finally happened — and it was the Lady Eris (EG.5) strain that caught me. 

Yes —

I have COVID.

Welp

First — I’m okay.  Not comfortable but not extremely sick.  It sucks but when you quickly take Paxlovid they say it reduces symptoms and quickens the recovery.

Second — this means that there are all kinds of things I don’t get to discuss in the rant I had planned for this week. 

I’m going to try though!

Like —

1. What the f-k Drew Barrymore* and Bill Maher?  Why are you resuming your talk shows without your writers at a key moment in the WGA and SAG strike against the let ‘em eat cake Gilded Age class currently running the streamers and studios?  

And don’t tell us it’s for the small crews on your shows.  You are both worth well in excess of $120 million and counting.  You could continue to write them a few more checks to tide them over for a few more weeks or months. 

That goes to the both of you

Unless it’s that difficult for certain PERFORMERS – like you two – to be OUT of the spotlight for this long?

Right, that couldn’t be it.

*apparently Drew has decided not to resume her show (see Exhibit A). I’m still mad at her so I stand by what I said.

2. Holy hell, new host of Meet The Press, Kristen Welker.  You’re ceding the floor on your very first show by having Trump on as your inaugural guest???  And worse yet, playing second fiddle to Megyn Kelly, who already landed a one-on-one interview with, um, h-him, that aired earlier this week on her Sirius XM radio show.

hard pass

Oh please, it’s not different because you’re on TV.  These days NOTHING is JUST radio.  You can WATCH HER ENTIRE SHOW live via You Tube (Note: Be advised, she knew in advance it’d be broadcast because she’s in full makeup.  And… so is Megyn).

Ooooh Chairy, the SHADE

3. Speaking of full make-up (and not much else) how do you resist talking about Congresswoman Lauren Boebert getting ejected from a touring company production of Beetlejuice in Denver for vaping and causing a ruckus as her date’s hand veered towards her breast and she grabbed his hand, guided him closer and put it there?

Is this a covid symptom?

And how would you begin to explain she’s even a sitting 2023 congresswoman to so many absent friends and family members?  Though, how could you explain so many things???

4.  And then comes the announcement that Hugh Jackman and his wife Deborra-Lee Furness have broken up after 27 years of marriage.

Not Deb!

I always kind of loved them as a couple because the outside world (Note: née – us) always found it all so unlikely since he’s 13 years younger and she seemed to be having so much fun with it all while aging like a semi-normal person.

In fact, they both seemed to be having a lot of fun.

the way they were 😦

Just be happy you two, together or apart.

But if anything happens to Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, I won’t be so Zen because it will surely be ALL OF OUR FAULTS.

Protect them at all costs

I could go on and on but I won’t.  Except to say, be careful out there. 

I was one of the few still wearing a mask in public indoor places (Note: For the most part).  The latter note could be what got me – or maybe it was simply my time.  Nevertheless, get the booster as soon as you can because now I have to wait THREE F’N MONTHS TO GET IT!!!

And be well.

May the odds be ever in your favor

I will check-in next week.  Right now I’m getting back in touch with my Jewish roots by watching The Fabelmans on cable for the third time (Shana Tova everyone!).  This follows last night, where I viewed the first two new episodes of season three of The Morning Show (Note: No one says f-ck you to and about men better or more unexpectedly than Jennifer Aniston).  And then, in a stupor, fell asleep all alone in my bed (Note: The hubby does NOT have COVID) to reruns of The Nanny.

No comment on the latter.  For now.

The Nanny Theme Song

We Need a Hero

Omicron sounds like a Marvel villain, doesn’t it?  Something like:

INT. HILLTOP HIDEAWAY – NIGHT

OMICRON, ageless, sits on a chair at a glass desk faced away from us, staring straight through a wall of windows at the luxurious skyline.   Then suddenly —

He swings around.  A tightly fitted black synthetic fabric covers his face and entire body, except for a pair of shiny white leather gloves on his hands petting a white cat sitting on his lap.

Twist mustache, purrrrfect

His hands slide up and down the cat almost seductively until he slowly rises, raising the cat high in the air in a moment of victory.

Then he brings it down to his shoulders, where it wraps itself around his neck and rests comfortably, like the powerful and immovable amulet of horror it will soon turn out to be.

Okay, maybe that was more 1960s Bond than Marvel but you get the idea. 

And, sorry to demonize the cat.

Of course, you can demonize anyone and anything these days and get away with it.  Ask Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (R-CO). 

This is a good start

In the last few years she’s gone to fundraisers around the country with some D-list shtick about hijab-wearing, Somalian born Rep. Ilhan Omhar (D- Minn) being a terrorist, joking she feels safe in an airport or elevator or wherever else she slithers as long as her fellow congresswoman is not there wearing a backpack.

There was a time when this kind of thing would have ended your career instead of making you a headliner.  But there’s an old expression a lobbyist ex-boyfriend once shared with me about this:  Bedfellows make strange politics.

Meaning if you lay down with pigs long enough, before long you’ll grow to love the mud, muck and manure.  In fact, it might even turn into your life’s blood.

Nope, never

Ask aspiring Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy (R-CA).  He sees Rep. B’s Islamaphobic remarks, as well as the hard right wing racist taunts from the likes of Marjorie Taylor-Greene (R-GA) and Madison Cawthorne (R-NC) as merely a messaging problem rather than the unearthing of a gaggle of mice and cockroaches bent on eating their way through the support beam barely holding up what little structural foundation remains of his party. (Note:  That would be the Republican party, or as he likes to sometimes refer to it, the party of Lincoln.  The latter would be the man who freed the Civil War slaves, the same one that several noted psychics claim to have literally seen turning over in his grave in the last few years)

Not that I’m partial or anything. 

Reality check

But once we get into people like Rep. Cawthorn, who says his trip to the Fuhrer’s vacation home (Note: That would be Hitler’s pied-a-terre) was a memorable sojourn that was on his bucket list, all bets are off.

I mean, there is no prose purple enough you can use to describe that.  Hence, the Omicron excerpt above.  With more than 100,000 new coronavirus cases and 1000 plus deaths in the U.S. daily, the latter stat almost solely among the unvaccinated despite a vast surplus of vaccine, the rest of us have now become the unwitting cast, crew and extras of a new, live and ongoing superhero film missing one basic and very crucial element – a superhero.

All bat signal, no bat

Which brings us to the Supreme Court.  That once hallowed last chance savior body has this week taken up an anti-woman’s right to choose case from Mississippi that will likely end the landmark 1973 Roe vs. Wade decision that gives all women the blanket federal right to seek an abortion up to 24 weeks into their pregnancy.

But in her questioning, Justice Amy Coney Barrett (Note: Whose confirmation in the during the last days of the Trump presidency was celebrated in a massive COVID-19 virus super spreader event at the White House) reasoned that pregnancy and parenthood are not part of the same burden.  In fact, she posed the idea that as long as women could give their babies up to the state for adoption, the right to terminate a pregnancy could at least be almost cut in half, or curtailed even further.

Because why shouldn’t an underage girl raped by a family member who is too scared to come forward in her first trimester be forced to have her baby?  Can’t she, like, just leave it at the firehouse as girls used to do in the old days?

It literally takes your breath away

Granted, this is my incendiary language and not hers.  But it’s essentially accurate when you read through her questioning.  See, Justice Barrett, 49, has seven children, two of whom are adopted, and a fundamentalist’s view of religious doctrine.  So much so that she once held the title of handmaiden at a small and very conservative Christian group called People of Praise. 

Not a fount of choice to be had there. 

Nope. That’s it. Moving to Canada.

Now, far be it for me to take away anyone’s freedom to live their life in their own kind of personal hell, I mean, dogma.  They are free to think of me as a sinner and try to own me as the self-admitted lib that I am, just as I am free to think of them as the misguided, willfully ignorant idiots that I know them to be.

But I’m just at the point of proclaiming what they are all NOT free to do is to refuse a vaccine against a disease that threatens the survival of life as we know it.  If you can drink a Coke, eat fast food, get your kid a small pox and polio vaccine before they enter school, you can sure as f-k be required to get this f-kin shot. 

I mean, I’ve gotten THREE so far and listen to me here.  Don’t I sound normal???

And I’d get three more shots if I had to!

Not to mention, shouldn’t there be at least an intelligence test you have to take before you get to serve in Congress or the executive branch?  (Note: Can you imagine who wouldn’t make the cut?).  How about a few geniuses get together and concoct a 2020 plus racism test that disqualifies you from serving if you score below a certain number?  The same for the basic tents of democracy (Note: Freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly) with essay questions on each so you can’t just pass by memorizing a bunch of laws.

I’d volunteer to grade them because…who else could I trust?

Red pens are ready!

Now I’m just joking, but only barely.  More than ever, this feels like the part of the film where either a hero or extraordinary power swoops in and saves us or we decide to save ourselves by standing up to the likes of the Omicrons.

Whether they’re wearing robes or abusing their elected offices with stupidity.

I’m by no means suggesting storming the Capitol.   Rather, spending some more time standing up to them in strategic discourse and civil disobedience.

As well as crawling through broken glass to cast your vote and make yourself heard.

Bonnie Tyler – “Holding Out for a Hero”