Culture Vulture

Each week pop culture seems to offer an irresistible topic of conversation.  Perhaps it’s the online, multi-tasking, Facebook and Twitter-heavy world we live in, but more and more it’s easy to feel that there is not just one topic but six or seven or twelve to choose from — many of which are not so much amusing, but, well, alternately awful, trivial or downright distasteful, and only occasionally uplifting.  And unfortunately, quite reflective of the world we currently live in.

In honor of this predicament, this week and this week only (unless I decide to do it next time cause that’s how this stuff rolls in 2012…uh, don’t worry, I won’t) we present a mash up of the nonsense for the week ending March 23rd  .  At least as it looks from the seat of a chair, which can be cushy or hard, depending on what’s happening and to whom (who?).

Television encores: “Mad Men” returns and “Smash” is renewed.

Hello gorgeous

Does one counter the other?  I’m not so sure. The NY Times on Friday gave what we consider an unfair review of the first “Mad Men” of the new season – noting that because it has spawned so many 60s nostalgia themed spin-offs, there is no irony left when filmmakers show “an adult smoking a cigarette with one hand and holding a baby in the other.” Like many reviewers and non-fans, this critic misses the point.  No great film or TV show is ever really about the time period.  That is just the window dressing.  It is always how interested you are in the characters and what they, and they alone, uniquely do in said time period.  The challenge of TV is keeping the people and situations interesting through season after season – a whole other story in itself.  Oh, and in actuality it is that very FAMILIARITY with characters and their world/era that make people want to watch and commit to a television series.   You can wear out your welcome if you don’t come up with engaging twists and turns and new and bizarre crises but you want to also feel you can depend on – something.  Therefore, the verdict is out for me if that is the case with the new season of “Mad Men” because

  •  a. I have not yet seen the first episode of the best-written show on television. (It is – deal with it)
  • b. Past seasons have all managed to work their magic in strange and even more surprising and unusual ways than the one before (“Past as prologue” – as the NY Times writer so wisely pointed out in her review) and
  • c.    Cultural critics love to diss critical darlings after a certain point in time because it’s just more fun to write diss than bliss  (as I can attest from my past, present and obviously future life as a vociferous cultural vulture).

Bottom line: Don’t assume that because something is familiar it’s growing tiresome.  If that were the case there would be no happy long-term relationships.  Which there are.  Again, you’re gonna have to trust me on that one.

Oh, right  -– I forgot about “Smash.”  Uh, it was renewed for a second season.

They're multiplying

Yes.  It was.

Despite the fact that It

  • a.  Loses a lot of its audience from the number one show in the U.S., “The Voice.”
  • b.  It’s expensive to make and
  • c.  It’s a string of soapy clichéd clichés.

But NBC needs a hit and the show’s idea was the brainchild of Steven Spielberg, the King of All Entertainment, who also serves as executive producer.  Enuf said.  Because still, I don’t want to criticize a show where you get to hear Bernadette Peters do a song from “Gypsy” or any number of real Broadway performers do their thing on national TV.  No gay man in his right mind would do that because you would run the risk of getting barred from what is said to be the upcoming movie version of “Gyspy,” starring Barbra Stresiand currently being written by “Downton Abbey”’s Julian Fellows.  Yes, I’m fickle.

Interent killed the newspaper star:  Variety is for sale.

This might not seem like a big deal to you but it is to me because – well, being a Variety reporter was my first real journalism job out of college.  Once known as the “Bible of Show Business,”  Variety  has seen its audience erode due to 24/7 news and competition from the snarkiest entertainment blogs known to man and has been officially and publicly put on the market by its parent company of the last few decades, Reed Business.  Variety was founded just past the turn of the century by the Silverman family, who owned the paper when I worked there (some years past the turn of the century).  Like most mom and pop businesses, they eventually gave into the corporate giants chasing them, and said corporate giants eventually found or find themselves in the familiar position of shedding their once valuable asset due to the “changing times.”  Bob Dylan once wrote in the 60s, “the times they are a changing.’” This was seen as both a good and bad thing.  But I’m just not sure which is the case here.

Hooded Racism: Trayvon Martin

A 17-year-old Black youth named Trayvon Martin was apparently gunned down in central Florida this week by a man on Neighborhood Watch who was suspicious of the young dark-skinned man in a hoodie and on the phone with his girlfriend who, it turned out, was armed with nothing more than a pack of Skittles and some iced tea.  There is a 911 phone recording where the Neighborhood Watch guy clearly calls the deceased a racial epithet.  There is also a strict Florida law that allows those feeling in danger and in the presence of a potential criminal to stand their ground and defend themselves.  Among all of this, aspiring Republican presidential nominee Rick Santorum campaigned at a shooting range the next day and when the former senator cocked his gun and began gunning down a paper target of a man, a random woman from the crowd yelled “pretend it’s Obama.”  At best, these are indeed very confusing times, as Dylan implied.   At worst, well – you can fill in the blank.

Sugar Rush or Toothache? Food Network’s Sweet Genius

“Sweet Genius,”  a TV show where four dessert makers endure three grueling tests of their chocolate, baking and candy-making skill under the critical eye of host Ron Ben Israel – a dessert mogul who looks like Dr. Evil, talks like a Bond villain, and presides over the festivities in a set that resembles the underground lair of Willy Wonka’s evil twin — returned to the air after a too long absence.  Yes, I watch this crap because it’s fun.  But not as much fun as it was last season.  The show was a surprising limited hit over six episodes and the network has had time to think about it and in its full season two decided to make its host less demanding, less dictatorial and the show much less weird (e.g. they eliminated the odd computer voice that ominously analyzed the water and salt content of each food on a conveyor belt).  In other words, they’ve done what most film and TV production company’s like to do – round out the edges to appeal to the greatest number of people, therefore losing the very reason people loved the “asset” to begin with.  By the way, my TV writing student Alyssa makes much better cupcakes for class each week than any dessert I’ve seen on the show this year and she covers the cost of her own ingredients.  Just sayin’.

My Tribute to the Hunger Games

Girl's got range

The biggest thing in the movies this weekend is “The Hunger Games” and I assigned it to all the film writing students to see because you can’t ignore a cultural phenomenon if you want to be in the biz. I told them they need to go in with an open mind and open heart because no one sets out to make a bad movie.  However, and this is just between you and me – the film looks deadly dull and hopelessly overproduced with elements and themes from about five different movies I saw in the 1970s when I was in college.   This is not the attitude I want to pass on and I can only hope that I will be pleasantly surprised at the theatre when my (somewhat) open mind is fully expanded to a higher state of love and acceptance.  But I seriously doubt it.

One Final Note from Ms. Houston

Whitney Houston had cocaine in her system at her time of death, and it was revealed in an autopsy that the cause of death was drowning (in her bathtub).  Ms. Houston  also had marijuana, alcohol, Xanax and a muscle relaxer in her system. Still, most of us secretly believe that fame, fortune and a little bit of exceptional superhuman talent at something are the holy grail answers to pretty much all of our problems and most likely everything else.

Hottest Inmate: Clooney swoons even in jail

George Clooney got arrested for demonstrating about atrocities in the Sudan.  He paid a fine and is out on the street once again as he continues humanitarian work while earning gazllions of dollars making pretty much any movie he wants.  Fame, fortune and talent are not necessarily a bad thing and perhaps can mix well – depending on how the mixing is done and by whom.  I’m being serious here.

Flour Power: Kim K’s unfortunate encounter

cleanup on aisle 3

Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian was flour bombed.  (I’m now joking but this is true).  Definition of Flour bombed?  This means you’re walking the red carpet wearing a dark-colored designer outfit and someone dumps a bag of white flour on your head and your ultra chic suit.  If you have dark hair, this is even more spectacular because of the color contrast, as it was here.  Said Kim “bomber” was arrested but Kim isn’t pressing charges.  Do not take this as a defense of Kim’s legitimacy or evidence that I consider her a talent of any kind.  Or want to analyze her fame or fortune quotient, which are obviously quite higher than mine.

A Flashy Girl from Flushing

I drive down the famed Sunset Strip on Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood and keep seeing a larger than life Billboard of Fran Drescher with the ad line, “The Mouth is back,” and the title of her second season TV Land  comedy – “Happily Divorced,” about a woman who was married to her high school sweetheart for years only to recently find out he was gay.  But they’re divorced and they’re still close friends.  Yes, this is based on Fran’s real life and Fran and I, we share a lot.  She’s from Flushing, Queens as I am.  She’s Jewish, as I am.  Her ex-husband is gay, as am I.  We’re also roughly the same age and I found her hilarious on “The Nanny,” as I’m sure she found herself too.  Then, why, oh why, couldn’t I laugh even once at her new show???  Also, I wonder — does this mean my shtick is tiring for people who have been in my life for decades and are much like me?  Am I boring everyone around me, physically and virtually, even my readers?  How do you know when you’re dull, boring and beside the point?  I worry about this and vow to do better not only with my talents but with limited fame and fortune.  But for now, well, can I just have a cupcake?

Fevered Thoughts

No, not this kind of Saturday Night Fever

I knew I was in trouble Saturday night when my fever spiked to 102.7, which are also the call numbers to a local radio station I used to listen to years ago.  If you had asked me if that station and I could ever cross paths again I would have quickly answered “never.  I now have taste” What is the lesson here?   Never say never because as soon as you do, you’re opening the door to the inevitable.

I’ve been sicker than sick all week.  I won’t bore you with the details because they’re not pretty.  But – as I’m writing this from bed in small spurts, since that’s all my energy level will allow – I am definitely on the mend.

Notes from the sick bed

I found myself wondering… how could I go out to a delicious dinner with friends Friday night and get so sick 12 hours later?  How did that happen?  Did I kiss (or even eat) a toad? (No).  Did I say something snider than usual for which I am getting karmic payback?  (no more than usual).  Did I somehow become a member of the cast of “Contagion 2” without my agent letting me know? (uh, no, there will be no sequel).

Then this was….suddenly? out of nowhere?  You betcha.  Ugh…it was HER.  Okay fine, it wasn’t.  But still (cheap plug), how can you NOT watch Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin this weekend in the HBO movie “Game Change?”

American Horror Story

The correct answer to all this, as Donald Rumsfeld famously understated when asked about the awful stuff that he was accused of causing in the Iraq War, is “shit happens.”  Indeed.

What follows is a diary of delirium that you too could experience if you have to do battle with the notorious virus I hearby dub the 102.7.  Hopefully, it will provide some comfort for you in your time of insanity.

 ———

An unnamed virus, a severely unconservative sinus infection and myself are fighting for dominance in an ever-shrinking space called my body.  The doctor describes to me what this is about.  I can’t tell you what he says because his dialogue is reverberating like God if he lived in L.A., worked at Cedars Sinai Hospital and was a Jewish allergist/immunologist,/ENT guy, three very unlikely scenarios.

I suddenly think about Alanis Morissette when she was playing God in Kevin Smith’s “Dogma” and want to pray to her to get better.  In fact, I think I will if I ever get home and can figure out just what cool thing would convince her I’m ready to turn over a new leaf and stop listening to Adele for five minutes.  Maybe promising to stop listening to Adele for five minutes would do it, I think.

I’m told I have to eat something before taking all this medicine. You might as well have just told me I have to join the Tea Party, that’s how dizzy, nauseous and awful I feel.

I actually woke up and saw a mannequin, an escaped mental patient and Dr. Evil on TV accepting wins in the Republican primaries.  And that a Black man was president!  I must be sicker than I thought.

One stomach flu away from my ideal weight?  No, this has taken me way under my ideal weight and only a few pizzas are going to bring it back, when and if I can ever stand the sight or one again.  (My bony naked self is scaring the children, if there were any)

I haven’t had a regular coke in 15 years but I felt so queasy the only thing I could think of was a childhood memory of the coke syrup from the drug store my mother gave me by spoon to settle my stomach.  Guess what?  It still does the trick.  I live on small sips of flat and unflat coke and tiny bits of crackers for 2 days and will never scoff at full test again. Could it be after all this, Twinkies are really good for you?

looking good about now...

MSNBC has the same 12-15 people commenting on the same 12-15 stories ALL day.  Sometimes the hosts of shows actually turn up on other shows as the interviewees.  It’s kind of like having the gay couple from “Modern Family” talking about Prop 8 to the “too busy with their own lives” characters on an episode of “Happy Endings” and then watching them all chat about it once again on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”

Somehow my doctor managed to give me the same cough medicine I used to gag from when I was 8 years old.  Either that or all prescription cough medicine tastes this way.  I involuntarily find myself shuddering each time I have to choke it down, much like Lucy did from a dosage of Vitametavegamin.  Unfortunately, the alcohol content in my medicine is zero.  Bring back the 1950s.

I had a lot of my own creative work I was going to accomplish next week – the week I had off from school and everything else.  Now it will be filled reading the creative work of others – despite the fact I preach that one can always find time to do their own creative work.  I am no longer listening to a word I have to say.

Kelly Clarkson is advising contestants on “The Voice” and Mary J. Blige is giving pointers to singers on “American Idol.”  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

It’s amazing how much dogs need to go out when you’re around.  Who walks them when they’re home alone during the day?

I went to bed last night at 12:38 and woke up only to see the clock at the exact same time.  Assuming time has stood still or I have a broken clock.  Until the Chair’s spouse calls to inform that it is no longer nighttime but the middle of the afternoon.  I am now Bobbie Templeton from “Carnal Knowledge.” (Look it up).

Beauty sleep can actually make you more tired and less beautiful uh, handsome.

The phone woke me up from one of my many “naps” and I actually hung up on the volunteer asking for money to support human rights.  My only excuse is I don’t feel human any longer.

I wonder why I haven’t heard from some of the people in my life and then realize I haven’t answered phone calls or emails all week.  Still, I don’t think that’s any excuse for them not to be suffering like this.

I walked upstairs to turn up the heat and collect my favorite snuggle blanket for watching TV despite the fact that it is 75 degrees outside.  By the time I get back to my bed I am dizzy and tired.  Maybe I’m not getting enough sleep?

I have a burst of energy at 10pm and check emails, drink some soda and play a few rounds of “Words with Friends.”  Even on my deathbed, I am still winning.  That is really all that matters.

I could totally take Alec

It’s 2 am and I can’t sleep.  How can that be??

I manage to wake up at 12:38 again and manage to once again feel like I was hit by a truck.  This is what I get for bragging about “Words with Friends.”  It takes me 15 minutes to gather and take all the pills, do the rinses and the inhalers.   Am I 85 or simply middle-aged?  Am I a Man or a very very old Muppet?

Once the meds kick in I’m feeling better and decide I might need to get back to doing some of the exercising I used to do daily before I contracted the virus from hell.  I start to attempt a single push up and immediately realize Muppets can’t exercise because they don’t have legs.   Thanks, Kermit.

I should read one of the many books I say I’m dying to read but nothing comes to mind so I begin the only thing that makes me happy.  Channel surfing and condemning everything I see.  I am doing EVERYTHING I tell my students not to do. “F.”

I am starting to feel better today and am grateful modern medical science exists and I didn’t have to rely on leeches.  I am giving myself one more day for insults and channel surfing so don’t get in my way.

I might extend the insult deadline to Saturday night so I can enjoy (one last plug) Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin in HBO’s “Game Change.”  I will have washed my TV snuggie by then, will be in full command of my faculties and will report back.   Wink.