Taste Free

After a hiatus from performing in the seventies, Bette Midler was asked by a reporter whether her new live act would contain her usual tasteless material. “Actually, no,” quipped the diva, “The new show will be taste free.”

I’ve thought of this comment periodically over the years, especially when family, friends or the general public tell me they find one of my jokes or comments “tasteless.”  What the heck is tasteless, anyway?  And I’m not talking offensive, as in disparaging a specific ethnicity.  I’m talking tasteless as in….well, you decide.

The argument surfaced this week all over the blogosphere when Casey Anthony was found not guilty for killing her two year old daughter Caylee (Oh, you haven’t heard about it?  Lucky you, who lives under a rock like the caveman in the Geico commercial).  Anyway, I casually glance on Facebook and Twitter later that day and am immediately bombarded with witticisms like: “Casey Anthony, meet Dexter Morgan.” “Don’t worry, Dexter will take care of her.”  “Dexter’s headed to Orlando with knives sharpened,” etc. etc.  (For those who don’t know Dexter, he’s our larger than life TV serial killer hero who only kills particularly heinous killers who have managed to avoid justice).  Lately (meaning today), the comments have gotten even more taste challenged — “Is Casey Anthony available for birthday parties now,” “Would that jury let Casey babysit for them?” and my favorite from the Borowitz Report: “Casey Anthony got off light – the Judge had considered sentencing her to one hour with Nancy Grace.”

I cop to laughing, to varying degrees, at all of these.   Are they in bad taste? Well, they don’t tar any particular group of people.  But they do rag on a person who has been in jail for three years and was just found NOT guilty by a jury of her peers and is now INNOCENT under our justice system.   HASN’T SHE SUFFERED ENOUGH?

Do you find this last statement tasteless despite the fact that this woman has been declared innocent under our justice system?  Hmm.  Now we’re getting into murky waters.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I don’t know what else to do but laugh or crack my own joke when faced with an awful subject or uncomfortable situation over which I feel as if I have no say or power.  And the more outrageous the joke or reaction from the audience, the bigger the release seems to be.   George Carlin first said it best for me when I was in high school with his classic comedy routine about the seven dirty words you can’t say on television.

This was, of course, before cable television – which regularly features any of those words nightly on a given series, movie or special event program.  My, how times have changed.

Carlin was greatly inspired by comedians before him such as Lenny Bruce and Dick Gregory, who dared to venture into uncharted territory of language and race.  There were also a whole slew of female Jewish comedians, often performing in Florida or the Borscht Belt, who made people laugh with “taste free” jokes.  Goggle names like Rusty Warren (hint: one of her record albums was called “Knockers Up!” – yes, those knockers!) and Belle Barth, who used to sing to packed houses in Miami Beach, “I lined 100 men up against the wall, and bet $100 I could…“ well, you listen and you’ll see what inspired some of Bette Midler’s seventies antics.

None of those acts are particularly shocking today, though some are still probably considered tasteless.  But are they funny? Hell yes!  Are there people who don’t find them funny and find it/me tasteless? Hell yes again!  Do I want to be friends with those people? Hell, no!!!  Many times!!!

Consider this – there was some degree of hoopla when the fabulously terrific late actress Jill Clayburgh, Oscar-nominated for her performance in Paul Mazursky’s “An Unmarried Woman,” visibly upchucked onscreen when her husband of many years blurted out he was in love with another woman.  I think at the time more people were disgusted by having to look at vomit than the sexual politics of the moment.  Imagine if they were around now (some of them still could be!) and had to look at the tour de force food poisoning scene of the four gals in “Bridesmaids?”

I'd lay off the Brazilian food, ladies

One of my proudest moments as a screenwriter and taste-free, soap box standing liberal was when I was late for a meeting at Disney in the nineties, got lost in the animation building and ran smack into a tall man carrying an attaché case and wearing a plain suit.  I profusely and hurriedly apologized and as I looked into his eyes and rushed away I realized, “Holy sh-t, That’s John Waters!”  Who could have imagined when I clandestinely watched that bootleg copy of “Pink Flamingos” with my friends (where drag queen star Divine ate dog excrement), that one day its director would be rubbing shoulders with Mickey Mouse.   How subversively taste free of all of us!!!

I’d like to also add to this that several years after watching “Pink Flamingos,” when I was still in college, the student film society SPONSORED a midnight showing ON CAMPUS, of the popular X-rated porn film, “The Devil in Miss Jones.”  I went to see it, my first exposure to big screen movie porn, and I’ve managed to live a relatively moral life (depending on your morals) since.  How many college campuses across the country do you think would allow that now?

There’s no sense arguing for a mass acceptance of porn (unless it would increase tax revenues and solve the debt crisis, which it might, so we could) but I will go out on the line for 85 year-old Mel Brooks.  (Note:  I saw him six months ago at LA Chinese restaurant Mandarette and he was still sharp and hilarious).  He mainstreamed tastelessness in 1974’s “Blazing Saddles” and it’s famous bean eating scene.   Was that crass, stupid and tasteless?  You bet your sweet derriere it was/is!

It should be noted that Mr. Brooks hasn’t stopped.  His Broadway juggernaut musical of his movie from the sixties, “The Producers,” featured a homosexual Adolph Hitler sitting at the footlights of a New York theatre eight performances and six nights a week imitating Judy Garland.  I mean, if that’s not taste free, I don’t know what is.

I’m going to try to remember all of this the next time I blanch (not Blanche as in DuBois, but as in repelled by) when someone tries to get me to watch one of the “Hostel” movies all the way through or tells me I have to rewatch the original “Last House on the Left,” one of the only movies that has ever given me nightmares.   I might even try to remember it when I’m watching Sarah Bachman or Michelle Palin (oops!) giving a speech, though for me that will be a lot tougher. It is then you can come to my door (or blog) and shout me down with the inimitable words Oscar nominated and Emmy, Grammy and special Tony winner Bette Midler has shouted numerous times from stages all across the world,   “F—k ‘em, if they can’t take a joke!”

The Full Ginsburg

The Full Ginsburg?  I’d never heard of it.  And you’d think having a name as, well, distinctive as Ginsberg (mine’s with an “e” and not a “u” but still…) that it might have crossed my culture vulture desk.  Imagine my surprise then when last week I happen upon a Facebook posting from moveon.org – an organization of which I was an early member – commie, liberal that I am – and the following joke video appeared chastising the new law in (Kentucky?  Alabama?  Tennessee?  Oklahoma?  Does it matter?) that makes it illegal to discuss or even mention the word gay in classrooms where students are not over the age of 14.

Well, at least they got the cause right.

I promptly googled “The Full Ginsberg” (which I will now and forever refer to as TFG because I can’t keep misspelling my own damn name) and this is what the ever reliable Wikipedia came up with:

The Full Ginsburg is a buzzword that refers to an appearance by one person on all five American major Sunday-morning interview shows on the same day: This Week on ABC, Fox News Sunday, Face the Nation on CBS, Meet the Press on NBC, and Late Edition on CNN. State of the Union replaced Late Edition on CNN in January 2009.

The term is named for William H. Ginsburg, the lawyer for Monica Lewinsky during the sexual conduct scandal involving President Bill Clinton. Ginsburg was the first person to accomplish this feat, on February 1, 1998.

….

How could I have missed that?  Or at least been included in the discussion.  As NY Congressman Anthony Weiner is now fully realizing, sometimes these ideas just take hold and no matter how much you try to protest – when it’s “out there” on the internet, it is (or in his case, you are) out there forever.  Though in his case it might not be him.  Which would, indeed, be too bad for him.  No, I am not inserting (bad use of verbs) the photo.

Not wanting to be out there all alone with my new found moniker, I’ve decided to include a few others.  No, I have not borrowed this sketch from “Real Time With Bill Maher.”  Yet after reading it over it does sound oddly familiar to what his writers do.  Though nowhere near as cutting edge.

The Full Bradley Cooper:  Seducing a known or unknown actress every 7-10 days while still managing to star in the #1 movie of the week, withstand bad reviews, make films with both Robert DeNiro AND Martin Scorsese and speak impressively fluent French on television.

Hate him?  Or love him?

The Full Palin: Employing a secret geographically unspecific sing-song twang to magnetize tens of millions of dollars in your direction, hypnotize many more millions of minions into your followers while rendering the rest of the population powerless to stop you.

The Full Tarantino: Using your considerable talents to achieve meteoric creative success while proving time and time again that not everyone should act.

The Full Glee:  The art of taking an unlimited amount of good will for granted and not funneling it back with enough power, verve or concentration into your cast or the world at large.

 (Fox would not release a clip to us)

The Full U.S. Economy:  Yo-yo binging and purging at its most extreme.

The Full Trump:   Taking a term from the card game bridge and broadening the brand to encompass over the top real estate, over the top television, over the top hair weaves and over-the top lame-brained conspiracy theories.

The Full Zooey Deschanel:  Using doe eyes and vintage dresses to score cool supporting and starring movie roles only to launch a career in half hour three-camera tv comedy.

The Full Suze Orman:  Combining no-nonsense Chicago common sense, SERIOUSLY no-nonsense lesbian power and fully loaded common sense money managing into an empire worthy of a lifetime’s supply of colorful jackets and ‘I’m in on the joke’  “Saturday Night Live” spoofs.

The Full Mitt:  Running for the WHITE house on a haircut, a family photo, some pearly whites and alot of prayers.

I could go on and on since clearly this entire line of reasoning shows I am certainly the most full of it.   So rather than overstay my welcome – why not make it a group effort.

The Full Chelsea Handler?

The Full Kirk Cameron?

The Full L. Ron Hubbard?

Enquiring minds want to know!