Grumpy Golden Faucets

Here’s a great and meaningful story this week that’s not about that big, bloated news hog.

Four children were rescued in Colombia’s Amazon jungle, surviving alone for 40 DAYS after their plane crashed last month

That crash killed all three adults onboard, including their mother.

But the kids – aged 13, 9. 4 and 1 – lived due to the knowledge and skill they acquire at a young age as members of the Huitoto Indigenous tribe.

What this means is that they are taught almost from birth about the environment and life they are born into. 

That includes:

– Navigating the terrain of their natural habitat.

– Learning basic survival skills in the forest, including how to resist predators and being handy enough with a knife to wield against the 80 varieties of snakes, many of the poisonous, that slither every day all around them.

Me dealing with snakes

As well as —

– Leadership qualities, handed down by their elders, that will enable them to save, protect and most of all inspire the youngest of their citizenry.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could offer some, or even any, of the same here?

America!

I’ve been hearing about the Twisted Moron of Mar-A-Lago since I was a teenager in Queens.  Only then he was known as the Obnoxious, Off-Putting Oaf of New York, a live action comic book version of everything people born and bred in the Big Apple DIDN’T want to be.

As Fran Leibowitz once so aptly quipped:

(He’s)… a poor person’s idea of a rich person.

They see him. They think, ‘If I were rich, I’d have a fabulous tie like that. Why are my ties not made of 400 acres of polyester?’ All that stuff he shows you in his house- the gold faucets – if you won the lottery, that’s what you’d buy.

The tackiness is overwhelming

Well, this week we got a look at one of the gold faucets thanks to a 49 page historic indictment that charges the Gold Gilded Goblin with conspiracy and obstruction of justice; willful retention of national defense information (including top secret nuclear and military strategies); concealing documents in a federal investigation; and giving false statements and representations, among other things.

Together, the charges carry maximum penalties of many dozens of years in prison.

Yes Kenan #bringbackSNL #paythewriters

Not even the Decapitated Colonel of Coarseness and Corruption could carry on if convicted at the age of 76 – or 77 – or 78 – depending on when a verdict is rendered and his many appeals are exhausted.

Not that it will get to that point, which, at this point, is not really the point at all.

Yet it is the reason why the bubbling bile is boiling over all of us at such a furious pace these last few days.  The Comb Over King of Contempt is freaked out and striking back everywhere. 

This week at Truth Social

Ostensibly it’s on behalf of the hunting down of all of his fellow Witches.  But we present and former New Yorkers (Note: And those of you who follow us) know all the bloviating is really his personal three-card-monte manipulation for his own personal freedom so he can continue to do and fleece and be exactly anything he wants the way he always has.

If crashing the plane of American democracy is the seeming cost, well that’s a lie. 

It’s a simple, and digestible and absolutely true on-brand message, right?

No person has EVER been so persecuted as a man born into a billion dollar family who never paid a bill he didn’t like and has the receipts from all three of his own bankruptcies to prove it.

Sally Draper would put him in his place

Up is down and down is up as Lewis Carroll once so poetically taught us in Alice In Wonderland.

A lovely and creative thought but at this point knife skills might have been better.

No, not literally.  Figuratively. 

As dictated by the terrain that has perhaps been permanently poisoned by the Noxious Know Nothing Neanderthal of Neener Neener Land (Note:  The latter being Rachel Maddow’s acerbic technical term for the petty revenge that seems to continuously drive said Neanderthal).

Can Rachel make cocktails again??

Though perhaps the toxicity is not irreversible.

READ the very, very readable indictment provided by Jack Smith (Note:  Not to be confused with the great NYC avant-garde artist) and decide for yourself.

It’s got pictures and everything.

Including a golden faucet.

“In A World of My Own” – Alice in Wonderland

The Truth About Charlie

Do we need to worry about him?, said my husband two-thirds of the way through Charlie Kaufman’s new Netflix film, I’m Thinking of Ending Things. 

It’s not that there is anything specific in Kaufman’s surreal descent into some kind of madness that you’re not totally sure about that is worrisome.  In fact, he has covered these themes before in, well, most of his films.

See above

But seldom has he ever got so mired in his clever muddle that you actually begin to question his wellness as an artist.   Or just his wellness.

An original and bold thinker/writer/director, much of Kaufman’s work has always grappled with the internal craziness adrift in contemporary life.

In fact, his voice has often been a welcome respite for those of us who have grown so overtired at the escapism, gauzy coddling or sheer nihilism offered by most American movies these days.

Nothing says “impending doom” like a house that is constantly on fire #synecdoche

Yet for decades, it has been apparent that in all of his major works – Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Adaptation, Synecdoche and Anomalisa – Kaufman has ultimately been firmly and indisputably in control of the narrative.

The issue with I’m Thinking of Ending Things, an often confounding marvel of fascinating film scenes, shots and sequences, is that Kaufman has gone so deep into the rabbit hole of self-reflection and insanity that he literally loses his perspective and takes us down along with him.

It’s like somehow you got a bum tour guide to an unearthly land but only realize it when you’re 3250 miles from the nearest phone, cell tower or landmark of anything resembling civilization.

One might say “a whole mood”

One could argue that after pushing the narrative screenwriting boundaries just about as far as they could go this is the logical and appropriate spot for Kaufman to be in.

Certainly we’ve all been having a mass nervous breakdown the last few years, questioning anyone and everything while wondering if any of it ever even existed the way we thought it did.

And you thought we weren’t going to be political.

Well, yes and no, at least not outwardly.

Because when my husband turned to me on the couch and wondered aloud whether we should be worried about Charlie I was truly at a loss about what to say.  It definitely wasn’t a firm ‘no,’ nor was it a confident ‘yes.’

This feels like the right response

Rather it was a maybe/I don’t know how I feel or how to answer this question.  Or, more simply, the same answer I’ve seemingly been giving everyone the last three and a half years.

The difference is, of course, Kaufman’s new story is nothing as simple as the survival of a two and a half century old democracy.  Instead, it’s essentially about a couple complexly yet forthrightly played by Jessie Buckley and Jesse Plemons (Note:  One feels that casting two actors named Jessie/Jesse is another post modern Kaufman strategy to f-ck with our minds) driving back and forth in a car on a road trip during a snowstorm, with a middle section where they visit the male Jesse’s parents.

It’s not too far of a leap to state that it’s Kaufman’s belief that we’re all caught in our own perennial snowstorms, living life on a perilous road where an accident, or series of them, could happen at any moment.

A running theme in Kaufman’s work

All this, of course, takes place against an endless inner dialogue of our own insecurities and of our own making, played out through the words of the female Jessie, which we are loath to share with anyone lest they judge IT as crazy.

To end the monologue would mean to have to engage with a distasteful world that we know in our heart of hearts is indeed loony tunes, or at the very least unfair.  So we (and she) continue with an inner dialogue that is sure to drive us (and anyone who would happened to listen – nee, the audience) totally and 100% certifiably insane.

What are you trying to say Chairy? #IsMyMonologueTooLong

This is the ultimate conundrum this latest iteration of Kaufman presents to us.  That is, amid references to everything from John Cassavettes, A Woman Under the Influence and Pauline Kael, to soft serve ice cream, the musical Oklahoma!, life in high school and the English poet William Wordsworth.

Granted, it’s not for everyone, nor, like any of his other films, does it seem he intends it to be.  That is what makes Kaufman the single most original and iconoclastic and recognizable screenwriting voice in the industry today.

It’s not that he doesn’t want us to see his movies, as evidenced by his availability for all kinds of media interviews.  It’s that as a creative artist he is uniquely on his own road, letting his feelings and thoughts hang out in a very particularly way that first and foremost appeals to him.  In short, in I’m Thinking of Ending Things Kaufman more than ever before doesn’t appear concerned what WE think or even whether WE can easily follow what he’s offering.

Would you even take a peek into his mind?

He’s simply serving up his inner mind and demons as they are in a three-act dramatic structure of his own design.  And, like the dinner with the parents set piece of this new work, it’s for us to decide whether we want to devour it whole and get drunk on the menu or turn our nose up at what’s being offered and starve because we fear our stomachs will be upset, or our sensory responses will get forever messed up, by the conflicting smells emanating from the table if we sit there too long and indulge.

Not unlike the feelings you get when you open a newspaper (Note: Either physically or virtually) or turn into cable news these days.  Do you stay or do you go?  And if you do stay, for how long and how deeply and to what effect or end?

For example… will I watch this?

In this meta way Kaufman seems to be on to something as the sole writer-director this time out.  As is often the case with his artistry, it’s not so much about the plot but the existential questions being raised about life at this period of time as filtered through a particular world view – HIS world view.

That’s an area very few known filmmakers and/or artists are interested in or able to challenge us with right now and, as one great writer from the previous century so aptly put it, attention must be paid.    

I cannot NOT look! #help

Or, well, at least it should be.

(Note: Okay, that writer was Arthur Miller re Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman. And yeah, even using that type of theatrical metaphor is insidiously Kaufmanesque.  One more piece of evidence of what will happen if YOU try too hard to attach your own significance to anything having to do with a creation of his).

So let’s not ponder anything more of I’m Thinking of Ending Things.  It will ruin the delightful torture of going a little deeper into your psyche than usual to figure out what the hell is truly going on in the latest story you are unwittingly being dragged into.

And if that’s not an exercise worth sitting through in the FALL of 2020 then, well, I don’t know what is.

Patrick Vaill – “Lonely Room” (from Oklahoma Broadway 2019)