Grumpy Golden Faucets

Here’s a great and meaningful story this week that’s not about that big, bloated news hog.

Four children were rescued in Colombia’s Amazon jungle, surviving alone for 40 DAYS after their plane crashed last month

That crash killed all three adults onboard, including their mother.

But the kids – aged 13, 9. 4 and 1 – lived due to the knowledge and skill they acquire at a young age as members of the Huitoto Indigenous tribe.

What this means is that they are taught almost from birth about the environment and life they are born into. 

That includes:

– Navigating the terrain of their natural habitat.

– Learning basic survival skills in the forest, including how to resist predators and being handy enough with a knife to wield against the 80 varieties of snakes, many of the poisonous, that slither every day all around them.

Me dealing with snakes

As well as —

– Leadership qualities, handed down by their elders, that will enable them to save, protect and most of all inspire the youngest of their citizenry.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could offer some, or even any, of the same here?

America!

I’ve been hearing about the Twisted Moron of Mar-A-Lago since I was a teenager in Queens.  Only then he was known as the Obnoxious, Off-Putting Oaf of New York, a live action comic book version of everything people born and bred in the Big Apple DIDN’T want to be.

As Fran Leibowitz once so aptly quipped:

(He’s)… a poor person’s idea of a rich person.

They see him. They think, ‘If I were rich, I’d have a fabulous tie like that. Why are my ties not made of 400 acres of polyester?’ All that stuff he shows you in his house- the gold faucets – if you won the lottery, that’s what you’d buy.

The tackiness is overwhelming

Well, this week we got a look at one of the gold faucets thanks to a 49 page historic indictment that charges the Gold Gilded Goblin with conspiracy and obstruction of justice; willful retention of national defense information (including top secret nuclear and military strategies); concealing documents in a federal investigation; and giving false statements and representations, among other things.

Together, the charges carry maximum penalties of many dozens of years in prison.

Yes Kenan #bringbackSNL #paythewriters

Not even the Decapitated Colonel of Coarseness and Corruption could carry on if convicted at the age of 76 – or 77 – or 78 – depending on when a verdict is rendered and his many appeals are exhausted.

Not that it will get to that point, which, at this point, is not really the point at all.

Yet it is the reason why the bubbling bile is boiling over all of us at such a furious pace these last few days.  The Comb Over King of Contempt is freaked out and striking back everywhere. 

This week at Truth Social

Ostensibly it’s on behalf of the hunting down of all of his fellow Witches.  But we present and former New Yorkers (Note: And those of you who follow us) know all the bloviating is really his personal three-card-monte manipulation for his own personal freedom so he can continue to do and fleece and be exactly anything he wants the way he always has.

If crashing the plane of American democracy is the seeming cost, well that’s a lie. 

It’s a simple, and digestible and absolutely true on-brand message, right?

No person has EVER been so persecuted as a man born into a billion dollar family who never paid a bill he didn’t like and has the receipts from all three of his own bankruptcies to prove it.

Sally Draper would put him in his place

Up is down and down is up as Lewis Carroll once so poetically taught us in Alice In Wonderland.

A lovely and creative thought but at this point knife skills might have been better.

No, not literally.  Figuratively. 

As dictated by the terrain that has perhaps been permanently poisoned by the Noxious Know Nothing Neanderthal of Neener Neener Land (Note:  The latter being Rachel Maddow’s acerbic technical term for the petty revenge that seems to continuously drive said Neanderthal).

Can Rachel make cocktails again??

Though perhaps the toxicity is not irreversible.

READ the very, very readable indictment provided by Jack Smith (Note:  Not to be confused with the great NYC avant-garde artist) and decide for yourself.

It’s got pictures and everything.

Including a golden faucet.

“In A World of My Own” – Alice in Wonderland

You’re Not the Boss of Me

Ah, but sometimes we are the bosses of you. 

There is not, nor has there ever been, complete liberty, even in democratic countries like the United States. 

Laws based on common sense, which are then exacted by the majority rule of our democratically elected representatives, govern us.  We might not agree with all of them but that’s the deal that we make to keep the society functioning. 

You might not always like each decision, but who gets 100% of what they want all the time except spoiled five-year olds?

… and we know how that worked out for Veruca

This has worked generally, though imperfectly, for almost 250 years in the U.S.  But for it to continue working there needs to be a baseline of accepted reality and logic based on science and empirical evidence.

When we disagree on what is real we’re Alice stuck in Wonderland.  We’re on a bad LSD trip with the Jefferson Airplane as White Rabbit plays in the background. (Note:  Ask your parents, or grandparents (!). Or better yet here)

I feel attacked.

And as the song and the book warn, WE are the only ones who can save us.  And the way we do it is through – guess what – information, learning, reasoning and logic.

When we can’t decide on what is logical, and conclude nothing is a fact and everything is subject to debate, trouble ensues.   

You can begin to wonder whether what you’re reading right now is a blog from an overly opinionated fellow or truly the rantings of a literal Chair; the cousin of that piece of furniture you sit on in your kitchen that has suddenly come to life and figured out a way to type words into your inboxes via your social media platform of choice.

Well, it COULD HAPPEN!

Readers… maybe we should talk

Yes, for some this IS a gray area and reality is that dubious. 

Imagine literally witnessing a savage crowd of people bloodily invade your place of business with battering rams, knives and military grade weapons one day and yet somehow decry days later, and in all seriousness, that this was a non-threatening group of peaceful protesters.

Up CAN be down and Down certainly, possibly and probably/actually IS Up.

k byeeee

Though we can take it a bit further.

You live in a magic kingdom where life is good, or at least tolerable.  But one day a swarm of invisible locusts come in and begin poisoning, killing and maiming your fellow citizens and, as a result, systematically destroy everything good, or at least tolerable, in life as you knew it.

But one day the kingdom’s sorcerers huddle and discover…all you have to do to save yourself from these deadly invisible locusts, ALL you have to do, is endure one teeny, tiny needle prick from the spindle of a spinning wheel available to EVERYONE in order to save yourself and EVERYONE in the kingdom.

And vanquish the invisible locusts 4EVER.

Bonus beauty sleep!

Yet — guess what?

At least 40% of your kingdom REFUSES to get pricked.  Not only that, they’d rather watch themselves and their children get maimed and/or DIE rather than shed a droplet of blood from the prick, or endure the subsequent scab that might form and then drop off a week later at the prick site.

Their reasons boil down to this.  You can’t tell them ANYTHING because one of the tenets of this kingdom is they are free to do precisely what they want, when they want. 

Even though this has never been true.

Awww you thought you were free, that’s cute

In fact, we all know this is not true, since in one of the small kingdom villages an edict was just this past week written that proclaims NO female of child-bearing age shall have a choice in deciding how, when or if they choose to become a mother once they’ve engaged in a sexual escapade.

It makes no difference if a male relative forced the escapade and themselves on that young female while they were in high school or junior high school.  And it is especially immaterial if the escapade was simply unplanned or happened in a way the female had not intended it.

Despite all the safe and effective options offered by the sorcerers who created the locust-neutering potion for them not to be a mother, NO VILLAGE FEMALE of ANY AGE gets to make THAT decision for themselves. Ever again!

That, and a lot more, is now dictated by their mostly MALE ELDERS.

So this…

Those mostly male elders so know best and are so bent on having their way that they have even provided a foolproof means of enforcement. 

Any villager suspicious of any young women bent on disobeying this new rule can report her and her enablers and in return will now receive a small pocketful of gold coins for turning them in.  That is if they can offer minimal proof of her or their intentions in the Town Square before a panel full of random (ahem) mostly male. elders.

And this? great.

With locusts running rampant in the village, gold is scarce and the majority of the villagers are preoccupied with surviving.  

To give them some credit, even illogical chumps the likes of those mostly male elders know how to seize an opportunity when they see it and make it appear golden.

Or as someone once wrote in another magic-thinking kingdom that was once governed by reality and logic for almost 250 years:

Even a broken clock can be right twice a day.

Unfortunately, that kingdom hasn’t existed as such for decades.  It devoured itself whole despite having access to every possible foodstuff in the universe.  That is because it preferred the taste of its fellow citizens’ blood and marrow to that of a simple hamburger or pizza slice at its once deliciously mundane and safe local food court.

Jefferson Airplane – “White Rabbit” (with clips from Alice in Wonderland)