College of Convictions

It was sickening to hear the presidents of what are considered to be three of the country’s most prestigious universities of higher learning — Harvard, the University of Pennsylvania and M.I.T. — try to sidestep, prevaricate and otherwise legalese their way out of a definitive answer when asked point blank at a Congressional hearing this week:

Does calling for the genocide of Jews violate your (university) code of conduct and rules regarding bullying or harassment?

Still, for me it was not terribly surprising to hear answers like:

It depends on the context…

Or…

If targeted at individuals not making public statements…

Or…

If the speech turns into conduct, that’s harassment…

As my young teenage self used to reply to my parents after they nixed any one of my perfectly reasoned requests:

A simple no would have sufficed.     

I’m already exhausted

Parsing words and phrases are a hallmark of big companies, nee institutions, these days.  (Note: With some X-ceptions).  And some of the most noted, bigger institutions under fire right now, especially by the razor thin Republican majority in the U.S. House of Representatives, are the large and well-financed Ivy League universities and colleges turning out many of the upcoming American leaders of tomorrow.

Liberal bastions teaching slanted points of view to brainwashed students.

As if a religious college or university would be some alternate bastion of inclusion.

Dramatic?

Nevertheless, these university presidents really fell into it when Rep. Elise Stefanik (NY-R), the fourth ranking Republican in the House and Liz Cheney’s replacement as Republican conference chair once she decided to co-chair the second Trump impeachment committee, began her line of questioning.

Quick backstory: Stefanik was a moderate Republican who turned full MAGA after Trump lost his re-election bid.  In fact, she spoke out against ratifying Pennsylvania’s electoral votes after the Trump mob stormed the Capitol building on Insurrection Day. At which point, Stefanik, a Harvard alumna, was promptly removed as a senior member of the prestigious Harvard Institute of Politics.

Noted

Now I’m not saying it was the backlash she received from Harvard for being a Team Trump election denier that caused Rep. Stefanik to come fully-armed with a lacerating string of pointed questions and follow-up accusations against these three female college presidents last week at a hearing entitled, “Holding Campus Leaders Accountable and Confronting Anti-Semitism.”

Nor am I saying that her politics and personal animus did not contribute to how she went about it.

All I am noting is that one needs to look at the fullest picture possible in order to make a judgment on an issue – particularly this issue. 

Yeah, you missed it

The latter is something those of us in higher education work tirelessly to achieve and relate to our students when they fly off the handle and make assumptions that can’t quite be supported.  The kind of thing my teenage self used to do continuously before I had the good fortune to train my mind in college and grad school to ask questions and only answer them once I had the full set of facts.

Speaking of which, I am not for one millisecond defending the embarrassing, nonsensical and, frankly scary answers those three smart, professional women of higher education gave to Stefanik’s ambush… I mean….cross-examination.

really, really, really bad

University of Pennsylvania president Liz Magill issued a mea culpa expanded statement condemning anti-Semitism the next day for saying things like, condemning statements of Jewish genocide would be “context dependent.” 

But it didn’t help much.  Magill was forced to resign a few days later though, for the time being, she will remain a faculty member at the institution’s law school.  That’s right, you shouldn’t be shocked to learn Ms. Magill is indeed a….trained attorney.

Double, triple, quadruple yikes

Her much too nuanced, too cautious and too intellectualized response is typical of exactly what is wrong with not only higher education but with the public stage of thought policing these days.  And it was the very predictable hesitancy of Magill, as well as of Harvard’s Claudine Gay and M.I.T.’s Sally Kornbluth to substantively wade into anything too absolute that Stefanik was counting on to create a viral revenge moment at the institution that helped train her, as well as institutions like it.

Stefanik has already, in the aftermath of her viral triumph, promised a “reckoning” and a deeper look into sources and funding of the nation’s colleges and universities across the board as well as how their diversity, equity and inclusion offices function.

She’s choosy about consequences

And she vows this under the banner of their treatment of Jewish students and unchecked anti-Semitism on campuses.

Um, right.  Like Sister Aloysuis says in John Patrick Shanley’s famous Pulitzer Prize-winning play:

I have doubts.  I have such doubts!

(Note: Yes, the play is indeed titled Doubt but I didn’t want to give the line away before you read it).

See, free speech does not mean one has the freedom to incite riots and advocate, or even heavily imply violence, against any minority group, as some presidential candidates (Note: And in one case, even a former president) have been known to do.  It means everyone is entitled to their opinions and beliefs but are limited in how and where they can broadcast them, especially when they are in rarified, controlled spaces (e.g. colleges) and violent intent is concerned.

I hear ya

Certainly, MAGA’s Stefanik understands this.  But she also understands the tricky position cowering university presidents are in these days when addressing controversy.  And clearly the public faces of universities under Congressional questioning understand just how quickly their answers can be used against them by agenda driven politicians who want to fire their words as weapons back at them.

So they parse – and parse badly – never anticipating that given where we are right now in the real world it will all rightly get read as anti-Semitism by a top member of a political party whose leader makes racist, not to mention sexist, pronouncements daily. 

In fact, rooting out the vermin our country -as non-white immigrants as well as anyone vociferously disagreeing with the Republican agenda gets referred to – has become a new staple in the stump speech of that party’s runaway leader to be its 2024 nominee for POTUS.

How is this happening again?

I choose to believe that there is not a single president among those three that actually believes it is okay to publicly advocate for the genocide of Jews – and not only because I’m Jewish.

The problem is their first instinct was to NOT definitively stand against it for fear of… retribution?  Controversy?  Offense? 

If a rank amateur “mean girl” like Stefanik can hornswoggle them so easily, how will they fare if Trump and his crew of psycho pirates ever get back into the White House?

k bye

As of right now, not well.  However, there is almost a year for them, and us, to get more fully educated.   At which time we can then publicly – and very simply – espouse the courage of our convictions to anyone and everyone that will listen.

Big Ten College Fight Songs – Columbus Gay Men’s Chorus

More Than Friends

This holiday season has just begun and it already has me teary-eyed at the thought of a friend and how much friendships mean to me.

This is partly due to the deaths of several precious friends whom I miss terribly right about now, and not only because they are no longer around to complain to about the holidays this year.

I promise the whole post will not be like this! I swear!

It is also due to a pair of screen stories I’ve seen in the last week where the friend in the story touched me deeply and, well, meant everything.

The first is the uncluttered, focused honesty of Jodie Foster as Bonnie Stoll, “best friend” to iconic marathon swimming champion Diana Nyad in the just released Netflix biopic, Nyad.

Fierce

Annette Bening is more than convincing in the title role (Note: She brutally trained a full year as a swimmer and it shows) but it is Foster’s performance that gives the film its true heart and meaning.

Nyad is the star (Note: In this case, athlete), a difficult, unsentimental and tunnel-visioned success story that makes the headlines and gets the lion share of the credit.  Yet what we get to see in this movie is just how much her best friend and briefly former “girlfriend” enabled the impossibly obstinate Nyad to live the kind of life she longed for both professionally and personally.

As her coach and closest confidante for decades, it is Bonnie’s loving, no-fuss determined dedication that allows Nyad, then in her early sixties, to actually fulfill her lifelong dream to become the first person in the world to swim from Cuba to Florida.

Cuz ya gotta have friends!

This, of course, makes it sound like a typical inspiration sports film and, in some ways, it is.  Except, by the end, when it isn’t that at all.

See, at most Nyad is a well-structured, competent sports drama that hits the requisite beats one would expect.

But what makes it truly worth watching is the often-unexplored relationship between two people, in this case two gay women, who briefly dated years ago and have now become family.   

Not just a Vin Diesel catchphrase

They introduce themselves to others as mere best friends, a phrase that means quite a bit on its own but is woefully lacking when it comes to these two.   And yet this is true and has also been said for many close friendships we have all seen over the years and/or perhaps have experienced for ourselves.

Still, without Bonnie there would be no Nyad and without Diana Nyad there would be no way Bonnie would likely have ever experienced the adventurous highs and intense emotional peaks and even valleys that gave her life meaning and made her feel most alive.

It’s not the typical paradigm of athlete-trainer, mentor-star. It is the unnaturally natural connection of two people that society still doesn’t have the proper term for that is the real story, the one that provides this film its principle drive and certainly that which gives it its primary power.

To better storytelling!

Not surprisingly, it is the relationship between two gay men over thirty plus years in the Showtime limited series, Fellow Travelers, that also touches me so deep to my core that at times I need to either look away, put it on pause to do some laundry or simply stick it out and let the feelings unshake memories I’ve chosen to keep pretty deeply buried for fear of the pain they would unleash (Note: Except, of course, with a therapist present).

Based on the best-selling novel, the eight, hour-long episodes of Fellow Travelers (Note: At this writing just the first five have aired) expands the scope of the fictional Hawk and Tim (aka Skippy) “love” story beyond the lavender scare of the 1950s, when gay people in Washington, D.C. were hunted down, outed and, in turn, had their lives destroyed, through the gay liberation of the late 1960s and 1970s and well into the AIDS-era death march radicalism of the mid-1980s.

See I promised you I’d watch it!

In so many ways the slightly older, certainly more experienced and handsomely sophisticated Hawk is the love of his younger, at one time lover Tim’s life.  Nevertheless, what they have is not so much a messy, decades-long, on and off again affair, but an epic, non-traditional, boundary-crossing friendship that explodes far beyond the limitations of romance.

Again, it seems to sell their relationship short to call it a mere friendship but it also sells it even shorter to classify it as a long-term functionally dysfunctional tragic love story.  Instead, what they have is a messy, magnetic, invisible to the naked eye connection that seems to have no restrictions and yet far too many limits. 

It’s more than just this

In that way, Fellow Travelers succeeds not so much as a historical chronicle of gay history and the gay people that lived it (Note: Though it has its moments) but as the uncomfortable, deeply human representation of how much and how little two people can bring to each other despite, or because, of how much they feel.

This is in no small part due to the on-screen chemistry between out actors Matt Bomer (Hawk) and Jonathan Bailey (Tim).  No, you don’t have to be gay in real life to play gay men over these four key decades but, my gosh, it helps. This is especially the case when it comes to the frankly provocative and always quite truthful sex scenes.  Not to mention what is not said in the moments right before and right after.

Full confession:  I saw so much of my younger self in the naïve, trusting Tim and too much of the impossibly charismatic, seductive Hawk in any number of dear, long gone lovers, crushes and closely observed acquaintances.  This has made me mostly adore the characters, frequently hate their actions and yet allowed me to always deeply understand how they do so much that is right and just as much that is always and utterly just so hopelessly wrong. 

The show is definitely pulling me in

It’s a relationship that creates its own rules and then defies them.  So much more than friends, and yet, they sometimes don’t even seem to be that.  Certainly, they are not the equivalent of any long-term married or unmarried couple we’ve ever seen. 

But what they are to me, and I suspect many others, is a touchstone to every wrong move we’ve ever made, every right move that didn’t work out and every random act any of us ever took that provided an unexpected, perfect outcome we could never have anticipated.

In short, a couple that you can’t help but feel, in more ways than you can count.

Friends – Bette Midler