by notesfromachair

Media Matters

I was on national television this week. It wasn’t a big deal. Except it sort of is when you’re not a celebrity or someone that people are used to seeing on TV. This is because…well, just why is that exactly?

Not to mention, couldn’t they have interviewed me without showing my bald spot? Was that final over-the-shoulder angle really necessary? Plus, how come my face was shiny at points while the reporter asking the questions always had a perfectly matte complexion? Well, the segment was called Rossen Reports so clearly Jeff Rossen takes precedence over me. Then there’s the fact that he has better hair. And a lot more of it. For now.

Anyway, these are the thoughts that linger. Much more than anything you say. Remember that the next time you call Barbra Streisand a diva or decide to make fun of Beyoncé’s demands. It really does take a village. For most of us.

Oh, I just woke up like this

Oh, and one final word about the looks department. I really do now understand why Nora Ephron entitled one of her last books I Feel Bad About My Neck. Men are secretly no different from women in this regard (despite the fact that the subtitle to Ephron’s book was And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman). We just don’t publicly utter the words. But for every male celebrity you think looks fantastic at any age, there is a closet Barbra or Beyoncé lurking and a Nora secretly thinking. So consider the veil lifted on that end because after many decades in the entertainment industry and my very limited encounters in front of the camera I now, more than ever, know this for Oprah sure. Yes, even George Clooney and Ryan Gosling have to give it some thought, despite the Jon Hamm of it all.

Of course, I’m straying from my original point. The national appearance was on Thursday’s Today show in the prime 7:30-8am period. This followed an appearance on the local KNBC 11:00 news two weeks earlier (and of course my blog post about it). And unlike Kimye, I would really have gladly exchanged the whole thing just for some piece and quiet.

Click here to see my moment of fame

As some of you might know, this all started with the inconsiderate asshat living above us. For the last six months he has been illegally renting out his house for many thousands of dollars per night to dozens of different patrons who host indoor/outdoor after hours parties. Of course, I like a party as much as anyone but, trust me, you don’t want to be living directly below the kind that start at midnight and go till 6 am almost every weekend and even on some weekdays. Unless it’s your house and your shindig. And even then.

When the police and local politicians get called, written to and lobbied dozens of times and do very little, where is one to turn in the age of more pressing issues like murder, death, drugs, campaign financing and ISIS? I’ll tell you where – the media. And if the cost of that is not coming across on camera looking and acting as you had always imagined – and know FOR SURE that you always do – well it’s a small price to pay for the peace of mind (and quiet) that I now have in spades. Hopefully, it will last longer than my 15 minutes of fame.

Yes, that’s right – since I appeared on camera in these two reports there have been no parties blasting everything from “disco to Snoop Dog” and no more nightmare nights or entire weekends filled with “torture.” (Note: Did I really put it exactly that way? Was that the very best that I could do? I don’t think so. And I certainly would have denied I said it in that fashion had I not seen the footage for myself. Of course, it could have been doctored. I mean, I don’t really sound exactly that way. Right?)

Anyway, for all of the above, even the parts that I KNOW in my heart of hearts were doctored despite all evidence to the contrary – I am extremely appreciative to the media – especially KNBC’s consumer reporter Joel Grover, NBC’s Jeff Rossen and everyone who works with them. Nothing else matters but the peace and quiet because I know that a. they were doing the best they could with what I gave them and b. I would’ve done a lot more to once again only be haunted by the garden variety strange sounds circulating in my head on a daily basis.

I mean, I could have done more

Which brings up this question:

How do we address the truth about those issues and things we don’t know as well as ourselves, considering that the reality of our knowledge on the latter is limited?

Not very well, I’m afraid.

It’s time for us all, myself at the top of the list, to consistently remind ourselves that all we are really getting on TV (Note: Feel free to substitute, print, web, virtual information and/or entertainment sources) is that interview, appearance or performance in that moment in time. This even goes for any encounter you might have with someone on the public stage live and in person. I mean, would you want to always be judged by the snotty answer you spit back at a co-worker on the day your lover dumped you or the dirty look you gave to the person standing next to you in the elevator who was wearing enough cologne or perfume to seduce the Entire Seventh Fleet? (Note: Okay fine, truth be known I’m good with all the cologne/perfume looks I’ve ever previously given).

From the elevator collection

Taken one step further, how really reliable is any of the information we have on the more pressing issues of the day? You can’t count on every slickly produced news package you see to have ME in them, telling you the absolute facts – throwing all caution to the wind about how I appear for the good of the issue at hand. There are a lot of manipulators, even liars in our midst, who will do a lot more, including making a lot more noise (NOTE: Trust me on that one) to get you to their side of the coin.

This week I couldn’t help but think of all the brouhaha about Hillary Clinton’s emails. I mean, do I really give a crap what server she used or what she did or didn’t say? At its worst it has to be better than most of the stuff that Dick Cheney and George W. Bush uttered publicly. Certainly, it’s a lot smarter. (Note: Yes, that is my opinion, which we’ve established is absolute truth).

Will we still get the puns when Jon is gone?

Then I considered the openly public letter to the Islamic State of Iran written by a man who has only been in the Senate for two months – Sen. Tom Cotton (R-AK) – and signed by him and 46 other Senators while our sitting president is in the midst of secret nuclear disarmament talks with said country.

I mean, only the fate of the entire world hangs in the balance. So it’s not wrong to wonder, what was the real meaning of this unprecedented (Note: Meaning it’s never happened) move? Treason? Political opportunism? Or true concern about the global realities that the universe has in store for us if their POVs go unspoken (nee unwritten)?

Oh.. they didn’t send an email?

The answers to these and other questions are, of course, above my pay grade – and probably yours. But if I know that my two recent TV appearances created the change I wanted in my limited world imagine how well both sides on the above issues could do in convincing you of their reality? All I had on my side was the truth. They actually have a team of experts you can trust. Or choose not to.

Think about that how you will. I myself will go ponder it in the new silence of my old home. Off-camera.

02.23.15

by notesfromachair

Oscar Post (Mortem)

Here’s the absolute truth:

I look forward to watching the Oscars every year. This started even before there was an international avenue on which to snark. And it was certainly waaaay before I ever even dreamt I’d see an openly gay actor serve as the host while accompanied down the red carpet prior to the ceremony by his HUSBAND. Those were the days of Bob Hope and Johnny Carson – a time when John Wayne won the Oscar for True Grit over Dustin Hoffman and Jon Voight for Midnight Cowboy. Meaning: #OscarsSoWhite #OscarsSoStraight.

BRB going to the gym right now

So thanks Neil Patrick Harris for providing a new reality to a fantasy I never even had the vision to have. Not to mention Sunday night’s nifty Sound of Music tribute by Lady Gaga that all culminated with the entrance of Julie Andrews in the ultimate torch-passing moment. That alone is the best of what the movies can do – create not only an unimaginable dream for me but have it all take place in gay heaven.

On the other hand —

Oy.

Despite the fact that I have now lived to hear Ms. Andrews utter the indelible phrase Dear Gaga while moving her into an embrace – well, we still all do have A LOT of work to do.

Savoring the moment

I’m not saying the three-hour and forty plus minute show was long but….is it still going on? And why pick on the brilliantly talented Octavia Spencer to hold a suitcase with NPH’s supposed Oscar predictions in inevitable and unfunny cutbacks all through the show? Don’t they remember Uma/Oprah? Isn’t it tough enough for non-white actresses in Hollywood? Why position her as the Oscar telecast version of her character from The Help? She is NOT a maid.

Not to mention: Why did Eddie Murphy present best screenplay? Does he immediately bring to mind great writing or was THAT the joke? No, that was, well…there weren’t too many. I guess saying you could eat up Reese With-Her-Spoon took care of that. Very punny. But not as much fun as Prom Pixie Jesus Jared Leto. I am NOT being sarcastic here. I live for those tuxedos!!

His assistant is holding my corsage.

On the other hand, we have the great moment of supporting actress Oscar winner Patricia Arquette speaking out for equal pay for working women – an appropriate plea as someone who played what is now THE version of America’s working Mom in Boyhood.

Meryl approved.

There was also the great John Legend/Common performance of best song winner Glory from the film Selma and their all inclusive acceptance speech afterwards. And let’s not forget the spontaneous verve of Eddie Redmayne winning best actor for Theory of Everything or the similar exuberance of the very talented Polish director, Pawel Pawlikowski, of Ida. (Note: I loved the film but who knew it was pronounced Eeda? Did I block that out or, as one tweeter mentioned, do I simply choose to remember the name of the film as Rhoda’s mother?).

Red Carpet Ready!

Still, despite those peaks something about the whole affair felt flat and odd. NPH is a great song and dance man. Anna Kendrick and Jack Black are funny and spunky and, most importantly, can really sing. So then why did their opening number feel like it was something out of a Disney tribute to the movies? Was this because we were watching on ABC/Disney or because the writers of the medley also penned Disney/Frozen’s Let It Go? Or both?

As NPH joked about Oprah being rich and then tried to explain it, or strode through the audience while the Big O attempted to suppress the look of sheer terror on her face that he’d come over (Note: Adjacent to the expression of don’t even think about it, Sonny on the face of fellow audience member Clint Eastwood), one longed for the Tony Awards, Tina and Amy at the Golden Globes or even a clip from #SNL40’s Celebrity Jeopardy. Hell, that would’ve been a lot more fun. Or get all the stars together to do The Californians sketch and then take the 2015 version of the #EllenSelfie.

At least there was this

Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps I’m being unfair. I’m a really big Sean Penn fan but he was so sinister delivering this year’s best picture winner I started to think we were all being lured back into Mystic River, where he would then make us all morph into Tim Robbins’ Oscar-winning character and everyone one of us would wind up…well, look it up if you don’t recall.

Did you find it odd that Michael Keaton, the star of Birdman – the big winner of the night with best picture, director and screenplay – was not mentioned by anyone other than his director most of the evening while jokes abounded about all kinds of well, strange things? Though I will admit it was particularly gratifying that when we finally did get to hear Mr. Keaton speak briefly during the best picture acceptance speech by what seemed like the entire above-the-line cast and crew he had the grace to step to the mic and simply say, it’s great to be here, who are we kiddin.’

Well, perhaps this was not as odd as John Travolta , who tried to make up with Idina Menzel after calling her Adele Dazeem last year but instead wound up touching her face far too many times in the space of a minute. Once again – odd AND strange. But not as odd and strange as John’s…

The dog chain.. the hair…. ??

You know what, I’m not going there.

See, the truth is — it’s easy to snark. But it’s not easy to get nominated for an Oscar and Travolta has done it twice. So at the end of the day I suppose for many of us – especially those of us who work, have worked, ever aspired to work, or even ever fantasized about one day working in the entertainment industry – there is a kind of fantasy wish fulfillment to it all that never quite gets fulfilled.

We wonder what would it be like to be on that stage or, more to the point, we use the Oscars to pretend we ARE one of those people we see on that stage doing either as well or WAAAAY better than them. Even if we don’t understand in our heart of hearts what that really means or how the reality of being there would actually feel and/or be if we really did get there

Perhaps this IS the reason why the Oscars so often disappoint. How CAN you live up to all the fantasy and hype? It’s like going on a date with the hottest person in school and wondering why they don’t match the over-the-top scenario you created in your head for them.

Except him. He really is the coolest. #marryme

Of course, that’s how I imagine it would have been like to date the hottest person in school. So I could be wrong. At the end of the day this is all about personal fantasy anyway and it’s up to you to decide.

As for me, I’m going to bask in the afterglow of Gaga and Julie once more and see if I can pretend I’m back in gay heaven. Or perhaps I’ll just put on Mary Poppins (Note: I do like The Sound of Music but Mary Poppins always was my fave) and call it a night as Julie/Mary sings me to sleep. Where I promise you I WILL dream. Splendidly.

… and in case you’re keeping score, the Chair correctly predicted 15 out of 24 winners, giving him score of 62.5% (This is even a lower grade than the Chair received in gym class). The Chair offers no excuses – only promises of doing better next year. #ItsnoteasybeinganOracle

notes from a chair

Category Archives: Just Sayin’

Media Matters

Oscar Post (Mortem)