A Real Conversation


Gun control?  Adolescent depression?  Human impulse to violence?  Bad people doing bad things to good people?  All or some of the above?

I’m not sure.

This is what I imagine:  A room at a school, similar to the one I went to decades ago because, let’s face it, east coast classrooms for mostly middle class white kids are not all that different.

But this one is.  Because when you open the door — you know, the one that has a rectangular glass cutout at the top of it where you can see in — there is something unusual.  First you react to the fact that bodies are lying on the floor.  But not just bodies – coarsely severed limbs on top of bodies.  Then you realize there’s blood.  A lot of it.  Everywhere.  And in between is carnage.  The carnage of human remains – part of a brain, an elbow, maybe a knee or a piece of foot.  It’s not like war, though, because these are smaller than the usual body parts of war.  Well, not all wars, I suppose.  Though I have never been on a battlefield, I imagine scattered among the young adult males, and nowadays even females, we might also find on some the remains of youngsters no older than those in that Connecticut schoolhouse on Friday morning.

Sorry to get so graphic but there seems no other way to talk about it other than to report on what is real or what we know to be real through our informed imagination and by the fact that no one wants to say exactly what they’ve seen inside that classroom except to call it words like “gruesome,” unspeakable” and “a massacre.”

From Newtown...

From Newtown…

What we have physically seen with our own eyes are cops, medical workers, politicians and yes, even Presidents, seeming overwhelmed, speechless or, inarticulate actually, as they tried to put the tragedy into words and express how they or we were feeling.  And you know that I’m not exaggerating on that score when seasoned tragedy professionals find it all too much too bear and dare to allow themselves to become inexpressive or, perish the thought, overly emotional, or even merely just plain emotional.  At all.

Not everyone went there.  Some among them had logical explanations for the unexplainable.  Politicians like ex-Arkansas governor/former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee noted publicly that it was unsurprising that school shootings like this continue to take place because as a society we have banished religion from the classroom.  This is what happens to you “by removing God from our schools,” Mr. H., an ordained minister, warned in his best imitation of Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell or….(fill in your favorite fundamentalist religious icon of choice).  Or – perhaps he was just being himself.

Click here to watch full video

Click here to watch full video.. if you can.

“Comedy equals tragedy plus time.”  Alan Alda once spoke these lines in the poignantly funny and tragic Woody Allen film masterpiece “Crimes and Misdemeanors.”  Someone should pass this on to Mr. Huckabee because his full remarks would only make sense as the nonsensical punch line of a televangelist in a not yet written Woody Allen film.  But voiced the very day of the massacre in the last month of 2012 they come off as just plain shallow, stupid and simplistic.  Not to mention dangerously misinformed.  Still, one wonders if the reverse is true – if tragedy is nothing more than comedy plus time.  Meaning, if we have long enough to think about something we once thought was funny, can we conclude that in our older years we’ll find that same laugh riot just plain sad?  Using this logic and Mr. Huckabee’s words maybe this is what drove the now dead 20-year-old Connecticut assassin to do what he did.  Maybe gales of laughter heard while not in the presence of God surrounded him enough that one day the laughter turned into anger, which then turned into this.  Uh, I don’t think so.  That sounds as likely and simplistic and as appropriate a thought as Mr. Huckabee’s explanation.  So sorry for stooping so slow.

But back to carnage and the mass murder of 27 people, mostly children between the ages of 5 and 10.  Murder, that is, by at least one automatic weapon and two pistols held by the hand of someone who was not yet old enough to legally drink in the United States.  Of course we all know that many young men and women under 21 do drink.  Just as we know many people under 21 are taught to shoot firearms.  However, the latter is legal.  Even when they’re not in the military.  (Note: the minimum age for military service is 18.  Just thought I’d bring that salient fact up).

Sorry if I’m getting too snide, graphic or just plain gross.  But when the big macho male Connecticut Medical Examiner gets on television and says of the massacre, “I’ve been doing this work a third of a century and this is the worst that I’ve seen and probably that any of my colleagues have ever seen” you know the time for niceties are gone.

By the way – salient fun facts:

  • A single assault weapon, like the legal one used on Friday morning, fires up to six bullets a second.
  • The average victim in our latest U.S. mass murder had anywhere from 3-7 bullet wounds in their bodies.
  • The 20 or so dead children were all wearing “cute kid stuff,” according to that same Ct. chief Medical Examiner, whose name is Dr. H. Wayne Carver.  And when pressed even further on the subject by one overzealous reporter, he added, “the kind of stuff you’d all send your kids off to school in every day.”  Dr. Carver looked them all straight in the eye when he added that fun fact.
Connecticut Medical Examiner, H. Wayne Carver

Connecticut Medical Examiner, Dr. H. Wayne Carver

Want more?  Yes, I thought you did.  Well, did you know that —

  • The bodies in the crime scene were so gruesome that rather than have parents come directly into the site they were given photographs taken by “very good staff photographers” to ease their pain, while assured that “up close and personal time” would eventually happen.
  • The mother of the accused shooter was an avid gun collector and marksman herself who owned numerous guns and often took her two sons to shooting ranges and taught them how to pull a variety of triggers correctly.
  • When pressed again by another reporter if he was affected emotionally by what he had seen after examining more than 11 bloody child corpses in that single day alone, Dr. Carver responded that if you weren’t affected you “don’t belong in this business.”  He also noted that in the past he has “sat down in the locker room and cried alone but I haven’t yet on this one.”  But, he added,  “notice I said “yet.”

There is a tipping point for everything – a boiling over moment when a critical mass is reached and something that has been building for a long time can’t help but inevitably explode into existence.  (Okay, it’s not always an explosion but it is worth noting that these things do often start gradually and mount with time). We’re told this is how change occurs and, looking back in history, we can trace the inevitability.  But we can never quite predict what that tipping point will actually be.  And often not without hindsight, long after it happens.

I’ve told a number of people that I was just slightly older than the dead children at Sandy Hook Elementary School when both Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy were shot within a few months of each other in 1968.  At the time, it felt like a tipping point on gun violence in America had been reached.  But it hadn’t.

It happened again many more times over many more decades – most recently after the mass shootings at Columbine, then again at Virginia Tech, and then this past year at the movie theatres in Colorado.  But, once again, it hadn’t.

Today is the Day rally, Washington DC, 12/14/12

Today is the Day rally, Washington DC, 12/14/12

Unlike war, there are not countries to be brought together to broker a treaty or an end to this reality.  There is simply the citizenry of the country in the form of the government.  And we all know how well that has been going.

And yet, there seems to be something about the deaths of young children that occasionally does make the difference.  We saw this in the Vietnam War with the My Lai massacre.  We also saw it with AIDS when young hemophiliacs like Ryan White were ostracized or infants in other countries began to be massively ravaged.

It’s sad to think that it took the deaths of these innocents for us to reach the tipping point this time.  But what’s sadder is to think their deaths won’t make the difference.

A friend wrote to me that there are 275 million guns in private hands in our nation of 315 million and that it will be incredibly difficult to put this genie back in the bottle.  This friend is incredibly smart and often quite perceptive.  But in this case, I hope he’s as wrong as Mike Huckabee.

6 thoughts on “A Real Conversation

  1. I also hope your friend is wrong. Back in 1981, Dave Herman (WNEW – remember him?) interviewed Bob Dylan. He asked him about gun control and even then Dylan said it was too late. “Americans are gun crazy”. So we will talk about how awful it is until the next time. But I REALLY hope your friend is wrong.

  2. The change will only come if we as a nation get angry and stay angry… the minute we take our foot off the gas on this one, we may as well ready ourselves for the next tragedy.

  3. This is an issue I care deeply about, and it is one that we need to talk about NOW. Not in 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months when the event has “blown over” as some have suggested, but right NOW, while people remember the facts, remember the emotion, and remember the faces of the victims, and remember that these were individual people and children rather than just a faceless number.
    I nearly got into a very heated argument with a friend of mine the other day when he said “everyone’s trying to politicize this, and they haven’t even let the families grieve yet! I mean, I’m not anti-gun control but…” then went on to back handedly argue against gun control while saying he wasn’t. I told him it was a cop out attitude. We need to deal with this NOW, and we need to do it for those families. That is how we honor them. They can grieve, and I will grieve along with them, but we also need to move forward so we can prevent yet another set of grieving families and innocent victims.
    And yes, there are more issues here than just gun control. First, yes, we need to ban assault weapons that serve no function other than to kill people easier. Hunting guns should be around, yes. Simple firearms for personal protection, yes. But these kind of guns should not. And yes, people will still be able to use those others to harm people, but not as easily. Every little bit helps, and we need to address every problem.
    We also need to change our gun culture, and how we look at the role of firearms, and view the second amendment, culturally.
    Teen depression is another massive problem in this country (and I say this as someone who was near suicidal for a time in his teens), and no one wants to hear that it is largely a cultural problem. Video games and movies are not the real source of the problem. What is? That children are raised in a situation in which they need to escape into such a dark fantasy land in order to feel more alive, more adventurous, and most of all, more ADULT. We are coddling our children, delaying their maturity process, sheltering them, etc. It used to be you were basically an adult at age 16. Now it’s closer to 26. I’m not throwing blame on all parents, but society at large, high schools and middle schools, and the whole cultural mentality. And then when you get someone who has mental health issues naturally, genetically, this only serves to aid in throwing them over the edge. For more “normal” kids though, the results are quieter: more kids cutting themselves, bullying other kids, or acting so depressed that they invite bullying (and don’t tell me that kids who are bullied repeatedly don’t form a victim mentality where they help perpetuate the bullying), or teen suicide. There’s a reason that these things have ramped up so much, and it’s not because “Kids are meaner” nowadays. Bullying exists more today because teen depression and self destructive self esteem in adolescents exists more today.
    We also have a major mental health system issue that is not being addressed. As a person whose uncle is schizophrenic, I know this all too well. While adolescents under 18 can be forced to get the treatment they need by their guardians, people who are legally adults are a whole other matter. And if you think anyone cares about finding group homes and care for the those who truly can not care for themselves, think again. If my Grandmother did not have the courage to take care of my uncle, he would be homeless or in jail, because there simply isn’t space in a group home for him to stay. And I can only imagine what would happen if my Grandmother was not the kind, selfless person she is, and instead was just a freeloader pocketing his disability checks for herself, like the majority of family caretakers in this nation.

    We need to address every problem our society has, and whenever someone says “oh, gun control is half assed. It won’t do enough to stop people, so it’s a waste of time” then I call bs. It will do SOMETHING, and it will push a new cultural mentality. We need that. Every little thing we can do matters. The time to address it is not later, but right now, while we remember why it matters so much.

    • Doing a lot of smaller somethings accounts for one or two big somethings. When I hear idiots on television trying to fight a ban on assault weapons I often can’t believe my ears. Who has the right to these guns and why if they’re not in the military? Our Founding Fathers used muskets that took 2 minutes or so to load shots. Not 6 shots per seconds. No one wants to outlaw hunting or guns for protection. As for mental illness, I have known more than a few adult schizophrenics. It is an agonizing condition and many people don’t want to be on meds. Bipolarism, depression – people do well on medication/therapy but not everyone has access + desire + support system. It’s a difficult and sneaky and unforgiving illness. We could go on and on. But for now I agree it’s important to keep speaking out and not just to everyone who agrees with us. I often think if I can make one person hear this side of things each week and even begin to reconsider from another pov it’s a victory. Small things.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s