Black Mirror, Mirror

Here’s the way life is these days:

1- People take an action and STUFF HAPPENS. 

2- Those happenings become EVENTSand the most noteworthy, salacious or even occasionally the most interesting among them are reported to us by other people and/or sources as INFORMATION, nee NEWS. (Note:  Current or just friends and family gossip).

also known as: the tea

3- This NEWS of the day, whether personal or broadcast internationally, can simply be new facts or stories we’ve acquired.  But way, way, waaaaaaay too often it is quickly turned into CREATIVE CONTENT. (Note:  Either by the professionals currently on strike (#WGAStrong) or anyone with a cell phone)

4- That CREATIVE CONTENT is then heard, watched, produced and/or ingested via platforms round the world.  (Note: Not only on TV and film, or via music, theatre and books but in far, far, far too many personal and public conversations on social media #IKnewTikTokWasGood..OrBad…ForSomething).

my brain when I try to think about TikTok

5- And then, just like that, there is COMMENTARY on all of the above, often before we’ve even had the chance to fully digest it. 

6-  Which then sparks bigger EMOTIONS, which fuels further CONVERSATIONS, some of which become new HAPPENINGS and EVENTS and CONTENT and even more COMMENTARY, which all feed on each other in a kinetic continuous cycle of….

US.

It all happens so quickly, and at such dizzying speed, that ultimately all we are left wondering are the answers to just two questions.

#1 – IS ANY OF THIS REAL, and if so, which part?

And —

#2–  WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED – because the only thing l am now is TOTALLY LOST.

Help

Yes, too many of us are left feeling that way by how fast it all flies by.  But what’s even worse, at least from this Chair, is never quite knowing exactly what to absolutely BELIEVE (Note: Not to mention what to believe in).

I mean, even when you know what is LIKELY true on one subject,, it’s hard to believe much of what so many adamant, or even smart, people are saying about so many other things.

Especially when you are forced to get stuck in the weeds of misinformation, arguing with idiots about the ethicacy of —

DRAG QUEENS? 

Seriously??? 

GO. AWAY.

What about Shakespeare, 18th century France and every man in the Continental Congress?

Not to mention…

 CLOWNS!!! 

Aren’t clowns, drag?  I can testify that it is…I mean, THEY are.

When I was a very little boy I watched The Howdy Doody Show on TV and there was a clown named Clarabelle.

And she was played by a……MAN!!!

Ah!

And no, she/they is NOT the reason why I turned out the way that I did. 

This week saw the season six return of Netflix’s Black Mirror, and in its very first episode, Joan Is Awful, it brilliantly tackled all of the above and more.

Almost immediately we are introduced to a silver streak haired, upper mid-level tech manager, Joan – the kind of self-involved wealthy-ish supervisor of something or other that most of us have personally encountered or watched from afar being a very characteristic kind of awful to everyone in her life.

Yes, it’s a little bit Alexis!

She’s bored with her loving boyfriend, bitches about her coffee to her gay assistant, rolls her eyes at having to be bothered firing an employee in person, text cheats with her oily ex, whines about her life to her therapist and then returns home that night to start the cycle all over again.

By all accounts, she IS awful. 

Not quite Trump-y awful, there are new definitions for that, but awful nevertheless.

Yep, this.

That is until she and the bf snuggle in that night and turn on their big flat screen to search for a new, of the moment TV series or movie to watch on Streamberry – the Netflix doppelganger platform where you click your remote and do the all too familiar content browse.

One seems too creepy, the other is said to suck, and still something else is too close in theme to something they’ve already watched before. 

But suddenly, there is something on screen that looks interesting.  It’s a new series entitled JOAN IS AWFUL, with the silver-streak haired image of a woman that looks a lot like the Joan that we see on the couch – but not exactly.

God love ya Black Mirror

This Joan is billed as Salma Hayek with a silver-streaked wig and wardrobe that is unmistakably Joan. (Note: And yes, it is indeed THE Salma Hayek).

And when the real Joan is forced by her boyfriend to click on the fake Salma Hayek/Joan image, it begins playing out the events we’ve just witnessed in the real Joan’s life in real time, complete with physically accurate actor replacements of everyone else she has just interacted with over the course of that day.

awwwwwwkward

Now forget that we are watching this episode of Black Mirror ON Netflix, which for all intents and purposes IS Streamberry, which includes the very same dulcet DUH-DUM audio tone we all so look forward to hearing once we’ve pushed our remote and chosen our viewing treasure for the evening.

All you need to know is that it all gets lot more complicated, nee confounding, nee troubling, from there – but not in a way we don’t recognize. 

And it raises a few questions:

#1- Is it legal for a streaming platform to just take your life and film it?  Well, it turns out it is.  I mean, do any of us read the fine print of what it says when we click accept?

Pour me another

#2-  Have any of us been filmed doing stuff we didn’t want others to know we did and had it broadcast somewhere?  Well, um, we can’t really know for sure.  But if you have you glanced on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook even once in your life and tittered at the misfortunes of someone else you are still part of the problem, and not in a solution-oriented way. 

#3- Will artificial intelligence, aka A.I.., evolve to the point where what we did hours or even minutes ago could be broadcast to millions across the world?  Well, okay, it already can be.  But could it happen with computer-generated ACTORS playing US on a mainstream service like Netflix? 

I cannot!

Well, why do you think there is a WGA strike to begin with?

I spend all this time on Joan Is Awful not merely to urge everyone to watch the opening episode of a superior series that is sort of a mash up of The Twilight Zone and Night Gallery, by way of Orphan Black.

Though it is pretty great and you won’t do much better if you’re looking to be entertained, diverted or, heaven forbid, prompted to think for an hour.

Rather, it’s to consider in real time what constitutes our daily realities and attempt to understand exactly how aware and present we are in them.  Not to mention, what we want to do with them.

Is this considered present?

On a cosmic scale, Joan is not quite as awful as we think but in reality she  is a lot more awful than she ever believed she was. 

If creative content can serve any real purpose in 2023 it’s to show us that we need to dare to do better as we to share our mutual stories of survival.

Before forces beyond our control commandeer our every experience and put their own spin on what is left of our humanity.

“Mirror, Mirror on the Wall” – Snow White

The Chair’s Review: Bros

Who knew that Bros, the first gay romantic comedy released by a major studio, would be as good and sweet and touching as it is?

I certainly didn’t.

Oh, also, it’s pretty damn funny.

And Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane make a really convincing couple falling in love. 

It might not seem that way in the poster, which features only the backsides of two unidentified men, each with a hand on the other one’s ass.

Isn’t this better???

But, hey, you can’t have everything.

Sadly, one thing Bros didn’t have this opening weekend was box-office success.

It received almost universally glowing reviews and scored 97% on Rotten Tomatoes’ audience meter.  But grossing approximately $4.8 million domestically on 3350 screens makes it a huge financial disappointment in light of the $10 million plus it was expected to earn.

Not to mention the $22 million it cost to make and the $30-$40 million above that Universal Pictures spent to market it. 

Box-office numbers are a strange indicator of what is good, bad or indifferent about a movie.  Trust me, I know whereof I speak.  In the eighties, I started the first weekly national box-office column for Daily Variety, which in turn popularized the international trend of reporting the grosses each weekend as if movies were racehorses in the Kentucky Derby.

Groan

But what seemed a good idea at the time for a business publication inundated with inflated numbers of seeming profit provided by their corporate-entity makers (Note:  There is often little correlation between box-office grosses and actual profit, since it depends how much the damn thing cost to make and promote) promptly became nothing more than another way to measure a film’s VALUE. 

In turn, it too often was the barometer for it being dubbed a SUCCESS or a FAILURE.

Yes, we live in a capitalist society and who doesn’t like making money?  This is especially the case for corporate entities.

But as far as the measure of worth is concerned, the numbers a moviemaker’s film pulls in on opening weekend at the box-office in 2022 couldn’t be less-related to its artistic, and, yeah, even its ultimate financial worth.

Preach!

This is not 1980, when Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder’s bro comedy Stir Crazy was lighting up the box-office coffers in one of the first Daily Variety stories I ever wrote.  And Bros is certainly not Annie Hall (1977), a film about another neurotic Jewish New Yorker who falls in love with a gorgeous person from the planet SHIKSA/SHAYGETZ (Note: Look it up!) much the way Mr. Eichner does here.

As a young gay man who loved Annie Hall when it was released and had not yet come out, I could NEVER have imagined in my WILDEST, WEIRDEST dream that any movie studio, much less a major one, could make a gay male love story starring a much too talkative, know-it-all Semitic boy from Queens, like Billy AND myself, with any other boy boy from any other PLANET.

I mean, I barely realized those kind of love affairs were possible in real life on EARTH.  And you might even substitute the world barely with I didn’t even know. 

If only I had Bros way back when, I might have kissed (Note: And much more) A LOT less toads until I found my prince.

This!

But I suspect that was partly Mr. Eichner’s story too, and at least a sliver of the reason he wanted to make this movie in the first place.  It’s a laudable ambition and effort but practically a fool’s errand given the finicky nature of the way audiences watch new films in these pandemic and post-pandemic (Note: Ahem) days.

Personally, this is only the second time in more than two and a half years I’ve been to an actual public movie theatre as opposed to the at least 1-2 times PER WEEK that I used to attend pre-2020.

Me, 20 minutes before showtime

This might not be the case for most young people but, then again, we need to consider what everyone is now going to see publicly en masse. 

Once you cut out Marvel movies, horror films and tent pole-type action flicks, how many big opening weekends for romantic comedies are left??

Bros director/co-writer Nick Stoller scored big with the pre-pandemic 2008 film Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  And producer Judd Apatow directed the writer-star Amy Schumer to opening weekend success in 2015 in her big screen debut, Trainwreck.

But those might have been made and released a century ago as far as our current movie-watching habits are concerned.

Imagine a world where at least half of the new movies can be had opening weekend at home on your big ass screen with a click of a button from a service you pay a minimal amount of money to subscribe to.

You don’t have to.  It exists.

… and you don’t even need to wear shoes (or get dressed!)

Or better yet, think about a life when any moviegoer can pay the price of a single ticket of admission plus a few more dollars and entertain as large a group of friends as they want to their house (Note: Or even a first date with someone they like) and together watch that new movie they’ve been dying to see, on their computer, in their living room, bedroom or, well, any room in or outside their house, apartment, or trailer home?

You don’t have to.  You can merely open your eyes and fulfill that wish for 80% of the movies out there.

Universal and the other big four or five major studios  (Note:  Six? Seven? Three? How many are technically left?) might not want to recognize this fact.  But it’s still a fact.

This is especially the case for a genre that’s always been close to this gay man’s heart – the romantic comedy.    

On the other hand, maybe I’ll be proved wrong in a few weeks when the new George Clooney-Julia Roberts rom-com, Ticket to Paradise, debuts solely at movie theatres.

Admittedly a better poster!

Yet is it fair to compare movie star royalty like the Clooney-Roberts combined billion-dollar box-office oeuvre with Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane?

Well, too bad.  Who ever said life was fair?

See, that’s the gist of the argument.  But the market doesn’t quite exist anymore to launch a new rom-com star, or stars, solely on the big screen.  Even Julia Roberts did a TV series a few years ago and the last theatrical box-office success starring George Clooney was…… okay, Gravity (2013), where he didn’t even have the lead and which was certainly no rom-com.

Bros got the most difficult thing right in a movie of any genre, but most especially one that is a romance AND a comedy.  It persuades us to care about its two leads by presenting them as real people rather than cardboard cutout movie types generated by a computer program, a list of old films and the shuffling of scenes written on a bunch of recycled index cards.

and it’s charming!

Sure, there are moments where what we are watching has so many LGBTQ plus references and people that you need a flow chart to be fluid, up to date, on trend and hip enough not to be left in the dust or mildly uncomfortable by some throwaway remark or too larger than life comic overstep or contemporary reference.

But that’s the exception rather than the rule here. 

Bros is certainly not perfect but what is the last perfect movie you’ve seen in the pandemic, or post-pandemic present? (Note: Or ever?)

As rom-coms go, it far exceeds 2022’s Marry Me (starring J-Lo and Owen Wilson) and The Lost City (Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum in the leads) any day of the week.

But that will not be the ruler against which the first gay romantic comedy released by a major studio will be measured against.

They’ll compare it to the Oscars won by Annie Hall (1977), the popularity of When Harry Met Sally (1989), the box-office mojo of Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds’ in 2009’s The Proposal (Note: $163 million domestically) and the zeitgeist reaction to Crazy Rich Asians in pre-pandemic 2018.

… which in this case means, box office success

This is meaningless.  And it takes away nothing from Bros being a very good, very smart and very entertaining film at a time when we need the very entertaining, the very smart and the very good. 

By any true measure of anything worth measuring, that makes it a success. 

Not to mention, historic.

Billy Eichner – “Love is Not Love” (from Bros)