A Trauma-Less 2025

For those of us who have deep concern, and on some days panic, over the results of the recent election and the continuation of democracy in the U.S. – and that should be everyone even though it is clearly not – 2024 was a traumatizing year.

Or retraumatizing, if you’re like me and most of my friends.

This doesn’t even fully capture it

But not one without hope.

Counterintuitive, though those two thoughts might be.

Trauma has gotten a knee jerk eye roll response in recent years.  As if an emotional response to a distressing event that causes you to feel unsafe, frightened or overwhelmed is an unreasonable one, or means a person is weak.

Or, heaven forbid, too woke.

You said the secret word!

It is neither.  All it means is that you’ve had a personal reaction to a personal experience.  Not everyone is traumatized in the same way or by the same thing.  We might be able to agree on basic rules of extreme awfulness, nee trauma, that might occur but there can never be exact common ground on the effects it has on any one individual in its aftermath.

Similar as the human experience may be, we are ALL different.  For me, the key has always been to accept the differences and try to find common ground in our shared humanness.

It might help!

Easier said than done for me these days.

And most especially during the last two closing months of this year.

Ironically, this is where hope comes in.  

And NO, not the Pollyanna/Kumbaya false hope you get from a random catch phrase on a social media post or Notesfromachair blog  (Note: Though I suppose that could be a springboard to something…or even anything…positive). But the endurance, survival and likeminded human perseverance, and in turn victories, of those who have travelled this road before. 

too soon?

On Friday night I watched two end of the year Oscar contender films – A Real Pain and The Brutalist.  Yes, it was a double feature of Holocaust-themed movie screeners this weekend because that’s the kind of gay, nice Jewish boy at heart type of guy living in 2024 that I am.

One of my dearest friends in the world, whose death several years ago still tears at my soul, grew up with Holocaust survivor parents and at one time shared with me that the thing about the Holocaust is that you can never compete with it.  Meaning, to be a descendent of that traumatic tribe meant that it was likely not a thing, an event, or even moment in your life can ever be possibly as bad as what those people experienced.

And they know it too

That’s one of the reasons the subject comes up over and over and over again in art, in politics, in random discussions and, generally, in life.  It’s a benchmark for evil, for badness and for the worst.  

But the flip side of that is that it’s also an example of the best, the brightest, the strongest, the most clever and, when all else fails, the luckiest.  A version of what can happen when rational thought makes one believe everything is stacked against you and there is NO winning.

Even survival could not be winning.  

Except, of course, when it is.

I need to sit with that for a moment

A Real Pain poses the question of what parts and kinds of lives the descendants owe to the survivors.  No spoilers at all ahead but the basic, deceptively simple story is of two male cousins – played to perfection by Kieran Culkin and Jesse Eisenberg, the latter of whom wrote and directed — who go to Poland to visit the home of their recently-deceased survivor grandmother.  They grew up together but these days couldn’t be more drastically different.  Yet, like so many of us, they are surprisingly, and very humanly, similar.  It’s just that they’ve processed their lives, responsibilities and individual DNA leanings quite differently.

The film is funny, uncomfortable, a bit off and unceasingly, perhaps even a bit dis-satisfyingly, true.  Which is what gives one hope while watching it.  Somehow you get the idea that those existential questions that have periodically crept into your psyche and haunted you, equally do so to others who are similarly just getting by in those moments.  

Finding common ground

And you don’t need to have any familial relation to the BIG trauma to grab onto the small shards of hope offered to anyone trying to see some small rays of possibilities into 2025.  Everyone is always grasping for straws through the big, the small and everywhere in between.  We all are.  And many of us manage to get through it, albeit in our own ways and with our costs.

I so wish my dear friend were here to see.  And discuss.

As for The Brutalist, it is a more sweeping, epic look at a survivor’s life in America, a brilliant and very flawed architect and how he makes his way, and his mark, through the 1940s, 1950s and beyond as an unsavory yet revered, othered yet in-demand, disrespected yet, at times, surface-ly respected, IMMIGRANT. 

The Oscars will be calling

Stating its “sweepiness” and “epic-ocity” is technically true but in all honesty it is equally false.  It is, in fact, quite familiar a story of today in terms of tolerance, fame, trauma, American exceptionalism/non-exceptionalism and, most of all, love.  Of many kinds.

But more than anything of oneself and why that particular emotion is so difficult for any one of us given our varied sets of experiences, nee traumas.

Let’s not say anything more than that except to marvel both at Adrien Brody’s key central performance and how a film can simultaneously be so obtuse and yet so ultimately crystal clear all at the same time.  With his famed and boldly prominent nose (Note: The ONLY stereotypical Jewish calling card I happened not to get), not to mention his thick European accent and intense intellectual swagger, this character’s “otherness” in that period of time enters the room practically before he does. 

Compliments all around

What would make him charismatic and riveting today are merely passing social oddities in the United States during the time that he lived.  Much in the way particular features today define people as exotic others within their individual ethnicities in 2024.  As I joked with one of my trans students privately (Note: Who would not mind me sharing this), it’s the luck of the draw who gets THE golden ticket of otherness every five years. 

Too often in America, Black people had it, only to drop to the #2 spot, and then get it tossed back to them.  Gay men had it for a while in the 80s.  Non-white skinned immigrants had it from 2016-2020, only to drop down a tad and get it back again during election season.  Though this year the Trans community seems to have captured the top spot beside them, for however long that lasts. Hopefully not four years.

None of it means anything, except that it means everything.  

Say it louder!

Which explains why in the world of The Brutalist it’s not so much that Mr. Brody’s famed and fictional architect survived the Holocaust but how he lived to make it through America in such an admirably flawed and particularly prominent way, that intrigued me.  

And gave me hope into 2025.   

Though who am I except a gay, Jewish man, of a certain age, with a small nose.  

Join me!

Happy New Year everyone.

And remember to laugh.

Violet Orlandi – “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”

A Complete Unknown

I was nowhere close to voting age through the entirety of the sixties but even then it never struck me as a simple time. 

My earliest memory of politics was sitting on my Dad’s shoulders in a crowd so I could see about-to-be  Pres. John F. Kennedy when he campaigned in the Bronx, and later hearing about the issue of the “Negro.”  That was followed by the assassination of our youngest president, bloody images from the Vietnam War on TV, and the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy.  By the time the seventies rolled around I was anxious daily and secretly terrified on the worst of those days.

Imagine having anxiety and fear and wearing this? #darktimes

Until I grew up and went into therapy.

That’s why it’s been strange to lately look back on the sixties with such longing nostalgia.  This is likely because despite all the turmoil, the counter culture youth movement offered mantras of peace, love and hope if WE managed to bring the world together.  It never occurred to me in my late teens that things wouldn’t work out, especially after we, and many others, got Nixon to resign and the world to “sort of” move on.

Did we though?

At that time I didn’t realize history was, indeed, cyclical, and likely all those terrifying occurrences would occur again, albeit in different forms.

Given this perspective, it was still surprising for me to have found comfort in the new, “sort of” Bob Dylan biopic, A Complete Unknown, and how masterfully Timothee Chalamet captured not only the “original vagabond” (as his onetime girlfriend, Joan Baez, once referred to him in song), but the unflinching spirit and infinite possibilities of change the music of those times, led by Dylan, offered.

Not an extra from Newsies

Not only does he play Dylan but he offers an uncanny spiritual interpretation of the essence of Dylan and those times.  The film is wisely set over only five years (1960-1965), beginning at the moment a 20-year-old Dylan arrives as a committed, near obsessive singer-songwriter in Greenwich Village who can barely contain his expression of those times through the poetry of his words, guitar chords and embrace of multi-cultural musical history.  By the end of that period, it makes perfect sense that it was the unrelenting creative observations of an unknown kid in his early and now barely mid-twenties to not only move the music industry and the world towards evolution – but to take a cold look at reality and join everyone together for some sort of better tomorrow.

Religions have been started with more.  Or, so they like to say.

Quickly putting Timothee prayer candle on my Christmas list

But back to the sixties —

Perhaps in a world where you actually had to put a dime in some available phone booth to make a call, or better yet simply show up on someone’s stoop to hang out, it was a little easier for singer-songwriters to create an endless series of anthems that spirited a movement of social change.  Yet what saves A Complete Unknown from being some sort of Hollywood fairy tale of social revolution is that Dylan’s self-expression was merely that, something he never meant to shove him to the forefront of a “cause,” especially as a young guy.  In this telling, which seems close to the reality and not the elusive enigma of the Dylanesque legend, all he really seems interested in is music and girls. 

Chicks, man

Sure, he wanted to be recognized but not as the hot tip of the spear of societal transformation with so much of the controversy, politics and love/hate of power brokers and ardent, often crazy, admirers that came with it.  He had no idea how to handle it and retreated within.

Chalamet’s performance is reminiscent of what Joaquin Phoenix did on film with Johnny Cash in Walk the Line and how Sissy Spacek so uncannily brought to life Loretta Lynn in Coal Miner’s Daughter.  The closest to it I’ve ever seen onstage was how completely Hugh Jackman conjured up the spirit of gay cabaret, and later Broadway star-songwriter, Peter Allen in The Boy From Oz.  Not only did they all do their own singing but they didn’t get hamstrung by trying to be an exact carbon copy of the phenom they were portraying.  Instead, they found the essence of who they were and evoked their humanity.

How much we love these performances

What’s particularly great about Chalamet’s Dylan is it’s a guy with a lot of emotional flaws, someone who excels at expressing himself in words and music but is often inarticulate, withholding or simply, and even perhaps purposefully, falling short in person.  He feels like a lot of young guys in their twenties who exist too much inside their heads and are not sure exactly how to live.  Were it not for his talents and a desire to get laid that sometimes pushes him out of his comfort zone, you’d likely pass him by in the street. Which is exactly what you want from an actor taking on the task of playing a legend.

He’s helped a ton by director/co-writer James Mangold, who does not fall into the “cutesy sixties” trap of filmmaking but simply presents the time period as he would any decade – blunt, historical accuracy (Note: Mostly) and without over-reverence.  There are a few stylized newspaper headlines and some edited television coverage but they’re minimal and don’t take over.  The atmosphere on the Manhattan streets, the clothes people are wearing and the stoops they sit on reminded me of the ones I experienced as a little boy.  I also appreciated that much of the New Yawk accents were kept in check.  (Note:  Seriously, so many of us did NOT TAWK like there was a “w” in every other word.  Not that there is anything wrong with that…).

Calm down, Linda

Three final points. 

  • At a talkback after the movie, Mangold related that despite recording all the music beforehand in a studio, he honored Chalamet’s request the first week of filming to try and do his own singing live on set in his first scene.  It was so good he allowed him to do so on every song, which led to all of the other actors in the film choosing to do the same.  It shows and far exceeds anything you’d get with pre-recorded tracks.
If he nails the harmonica, give him the Oscar
  • The project was originally at HBO with a different script, got put into turnaround and was picked up by Fox Searchlight.  At which point Mangold agreed to do it but only if he could rewrite the screenplay and include more of Dylan’s personal life.  They didn’t have those rights but like most savvy people in the industry Mangold did it anyway and hoped for the best.  The studio read it, liked it but was terrified of Dylan’s reaction. At which point, Covid happened, the world was put on hold, Dylan asked to read the script everyone was “afraid” of and wound up really liking it, when shooting was postponed once again due to almost a year of various Hollywood union strikes. Yet through the months and years, the many accomplished actors and department heads, working for far less than their usual salaries, agreed to stay on, supporting the notion that “if you build it well and build it properly they WILL come. ” And in some cases stay with you.  Even in 2023 and 2024. 
And hey Timmy got to make Wonka!
  • Finally: I imagine through the holidays and in awards season, there will be any number of showy, gritty, intense, timely, torturous and generally over-the-top meaningful films that will get written about, lauded and garner the lion’s share of the attention.  But none for me, and I bet any number of you, will be as evocative as A Complete Unknown.  It’s a reminder of a still troubled but very different America.  A time when lots of stuff was wrong, scary and hard but the music of people who cared was actually listened to en-masse and helped lead a thinking revolution that was not seen as corny, quaint or UN-American by most of us.  In fact, it was exactly the opposite.

“A Complete Unknown” – Timothee Chamalet and Co.