Aging Out

In the new, intriguing and highly watchable French film, A Private Life, Jodie Foster plays a smart mess of a psychiatrist who gets caught up in uncovering the reasons behind the recent death of a patient.

I’ve grown up watching Jodie Foster in the movies, mostly because she started as a child and gained worldwide fame and her first Academy Award nomination for playing a street hooker in Taxi Driver.

A PRIVATE LIFE | Official Trailer (2026) - YouTube
Cataloging her long career

She was 12 years old when she made that film and by the time she turned forty she had already won two  best actress Oscars – one for The Accused (1989) and the other for Silence of the Lambs (1992). 

Being a movie star for that long etches your image in people’s brains, especially for a fan like myself.  But nothing prepared me for the moment in A Private Life when they introduce a character who I initially thought was her grandfather but realized couldn’t be because they quickly begin flirting with each other and are soon…

Cover Eyes GIFs | Tenor
yeeps

Well, never mind.

As it turns out, it’s her ex-husband and he’s played by the French actor-director Daniel Auteuil. Even in a French film, this seemed like an odd leap of faith to me until I couldn’t stand it any longer and paused the movie to look up their ages. 

As it turns out Jodie Foster is 63 years-old and Mr. Auteuil is a mere 12 years older.  A perfect age range for the characters but quite a wake-up call for moi.

I mean, how old did I think she was?

A Private Life' review: Therapist Jodie Foster wades into foul play - Los  Angeles Times
We need to talk about Jodie

Of course, I never gave it any thought because even though she doesn’t appear to have had any cosmetic “enhancements” (Note: Or perhaps because of that) she merely looked like Jodie Foster.

Also, she’s younger than I am, so how old could I even imagine she looked? 

I’m not sure but in my mind nowhere NEAR the age where this guy could believably be her HUSBAND unless the MASSIVE age difference was a story point.

Which it wasn’t.

Unsure GIFs | Tenor
I don’t know how to think

The real story here is my reaction and I suspect the reaction of many of us to how we see ourselves, our  peers and the cultural “icons” we grew up with. 

But even more importantly, what we imagine getting “older,” or worse yet, looking older, really means.

Fran Lebowitz was recently a guest on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, an oxymoron if I ever heard one.  In any event, she told a funny story about getting older as a famous person and noted there were really only three categories of age:

Young, old and surgical.

Thanks to social media, one no longer has to live in Los Angeles to feel that way.  All over the country, and likely the world, we refuse to accept not only our age but the age of our icons.

Unless, that is, the icons openly look old or even older.  Or want to continue to play in younger spaces. 

Which these days is pretty much anywhere since everyone has a camera and can post your latest pic everywhere.

Selfie 101 - Juno Power
I mean it with love

Now there is nothing wrong with growing older and, as many an older person told me before I breezed past Jodie’s age, it beats the alternative. 

There’s that phrase, as well as, getting old is a privilege.

a man with gray hair and a beard is smiling with his arms in the air
Sigh

Which you realize, once you get older, that it indeed is since most of us don’t want to die any time soon – hence, the privilege. 

There are recent examples of icon-ish show biz figures making a point of their, um, lack of youth, and using it to their benefit.

Taking the stage at the Astra Awards last week to pick up the creative organization’s Timeless award, the openly 67-year-old actress Sharon Stone recounted how, earlier in the evening, a group of young people who didn’t know who she was rudely accused her of stealing a chair to sit at their table.

Sharon Stone blasts rude kids at Astra Awards who accused her of stealing  seat
Maybe it was the outfit?

After proclaiming, award in hand, now they do, and telling them F you from the stage, she went on to give a memorable speech about artistic determination and preparation, as well as putting any fame you have to use for social activism towards issues you care about.

Sixty-year-old Robert Downey, Jr. cited he was double the age of Timothee Chalamet at a recent event he himself instigated in order to promote the latter’s soon-to-be Oscar nominated performance in Marty Supreme.

Calling the younger actor’s work in the film a generation defining performance in a decade-defining film, the now gray-haired Downey embraced the age difference in front of a room full of potential Hollywood Oscar voters and recalled how much it meant to him when then old-timers like Warren Beatty and Anthony Hopkins reached out to him publicly when he was 27-years-old and blew them away with his performance as the silent screen legend in Chaplin.

Robert Downey Jr. and Timothée Chalamet onstage
game recognizes game

Downey had no trouble embracing his now elder status but no doubt there are a group of longtime fans who shudder at the thought that the quintessential troubled party boy from Less Than Zero or the cool bro they marveled at, Tony Stark, aka the original Ironman, will soon be able to collect social security. 

3 Years of Avengers: Endgame: There'll Never Be A Theatrical Experience  Like This Ever Again
And I’ve turned to dust…

It is interesting to note that none of the above people mentioned quite look their age (Note: Though what DOES any ACTUAL age look like anymore?) to us, whether by design or our refusal to accept the number of chronological years they’ve been around. 

This also begs the bigger question of whether celebrities, or regular people like us, get marginalized for the actual NUMBER or for not looking an indeterminate fifty-ish for the entirety of their golden years right up until DEATH.

Death Becomes Her Isabella Rossellini GIFs | Tenor
Get me Isabella in Death Becomes Her, please

Rachel Ward had a long career in the 1980s, 90s and beyond as a Golden Globe-winning movie and TV star, as well as model, with a worldwide following that Gen X, Y and Z are likely unfamiliar with.  But what they might now know her for this week is being the derisive object of online trolls for daring to appear as her gray-haired, dark-eyebrowed bespeckled 68-year-old real-self on social media in order to promote her Australian farm and its sustainability initiative. 

I mean, how dare she? 

Rachel Ward, The Thorn Birds, Instagram
Side by side

Now, was I shocked when my husband showed me the picture above? 

Um, yes.  And then I was both appalled and surprised.

At myself.  

Because on closer inspection I thought she kind of looked hippy dippy good! 

Maybe I’m finally beginning to evolve for the better.

Gold Star GIFs | Tenor
Giving myself a gold star too!

Which is more than I can say for the rest of the country and the world at this point in time.

About so many things.

Lana Del Rey – “Young and Beautiful”

The One and Only David Lynch

David Lynch, one of the most creative and original American filmmakers we will ever know, died this week and it prompted numerous conversations between my husband and me about his work.  They weren’t profound analyses but more reminiscences of our gleeful shared reactions of awe to the signature style and singular way he told stories in each successive piece of work. For us, the first time seeing a Lynch film was always an exciting, brain-breaking experience, partly because there was no telling where he would go or if you could even fully understand where it was he took you after just one viewing.

Hang on ladies!

Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive were his most lauded and our favorites, but there is also something to be said for Lost Highway (Note: Robert Blake popping up from out of nowhere to haunt you takes on new meaning in the 21st century), Wild At Heart, The Elephant Man, Eraserhead  (Note: His mind-bending first film, which prompted producer Mel Brooks to recruit and fight for him to direct one of Lynch’s most traditional and excellent movies, The Elephant Man) and The Straight Story. 

And where do you start with the original Twin Peaks TV series and all of the various incarnations of that world?  Can you imagine that this was a weekly show on ABC in 1990?   Before the explosion of cable programming, and at a time when the term streaming was basically used to describe a state of consciousness? 

We’d dance with you in the Black Lodge anyday

None of my students can, and to this day many of them are huge fans of the show.  Though when I try to explain how both its audaciousness and Lynch’s determination to have it remain in a fugue state amid so many unanswered questions that drove network executives completely bonkers, they do usually meet me with a Twin Peaks worthy half-smile.

That is, of course, the real victory.  That somehow the idea of this kind of boundary breaking insurgence that so annoys the gatekeepers (Note: Especially when it becomes so provocatively successful) will continue, albeit in a different form. 

I wonder what the network had to say about Log Lady

Granted, that’ll take a bit of time.  Which is what must’ve prompted my husband to say at the end of our Lynch discussion, “We should just push pause for the next four years.”   

Among other things.

my inner thoughts

Speaking of which, I decided that the first film my thesis screenwriting students would view this semester would be Blue Velvet, the breakout film that cemented Lynch’s visually alluring, darkly comic and disturbingly dramatic approach to creating a narrative you at times wanted to but couldn’t look away from. 

On the surface it’s a boy-meets-girl story that starts when a college boy, who is home visiting his sick father, finds a severed ear among the many blades of grass in a field near his house and decides to bring it to a detective that turns out to be father of said perfectly wholesome teenage, blonde, hometown high school girl. 

with the great Laura Dern and Kyle MacLachlan

Naturally, they’re both warned time and time again to leave the real crime behind this ear alone, if for nothing else than the sake of their reputations.  But like almost every film before it about such people, they can’t.  Sure, they may be good, (Note: Perhaps too good) at heart but that’s the real issue.  What Lynch posits is that even the good among us are curious about the bad and, on the right day, might even indulge in a bit, or even a lot, of the bad.  Especially when we’re teenagers.  So these two decide to take it upon to themselves to investigate and what they uncover in their small town is a whole lot of bad that, up until that point, we’ve seldom been shown in such iconoclastic, nightmarish and yet bizarrely believable detail by a mainstream American filmmaker to, at times, such strangely comic effect.

I was privileged to be at one of the first screenings of Blue Velvet in L.A. 38 years ago (Note: Yikes!  And… Yikes!!) I took a friend and we knew nothing about it other than it was a mystery. 

And yes, those were the days when you actually could know absolutely nothing about a movie by a major filmmaker.

Definitely wasn’t expecting this

No spoilers at all but for those who don’t know it begins with slow motion shots of a small town where everything is a bit off and almost artificial, as if John Waters and Fritz Lang had a child, named it Lynch (Note: This would be possible under a full moon in a Twin Peaks adjacent world) and decided to give it carte blanche creative control of an opening sequence.

A lawn mower accident in a 1950s town that exists in the 1980s with period-looking people who speak in halting, stilted dialogue out of a B-movie melodrama?   It was hilariously bad in a purposeful way but most of the audience didn’t know what to make of it.  Yet my friend and I couldn’t stop cracking up and had to stifle chuckles that we were sure Lynch himself would have approved of because of all the dirty looks we were getting from those around us. 

God, Laura Dern’s cry face is iconic

But it didn’t matter because as the film unfolded my friend and I quieted down naturally since what we were seeing was like nothing we’d ever seen before, especially at a Hollywood screening, and, by the end, we were not necessarily sure if we wanted to see it again.  Themes of rape, drugs, sadism, violence, with smatterings of raw, offensive language no major studio head would willingly give a green light to.  Except, well, it was all to a point, in service of something and, let’s face it, a small group of people…somewhere… had to have approved. 

Lucky for all of us. 

Nothing could be better than entering his strange and wonderful world

By the time the film was over not only did my friend and I want to see it again but, after its release, so would millions more filmgoers.  Not to mention, Blue Velvet would also go on to win many major critic awards, land on numerous top 10 best lists and become the cult favorite of the year, eventually winning Lynch (who also wrote the screenplay) his second Academy Award nomination as Best Director. 

I watched the movie again last night (Note: My fifth or sixth viewing since its 1986 release) and, once more, I was fascinated, upset, amused and extremely uncomfortable.  But sadly I also wasn’t sure if any director in Hollywood could get away with it today.  Maybe an indie person somewhere, but would it even gain any sort of mainstream acceptance before being deemed problematic, demeaning, offensive, triggering and cancelled?

I’m not sure.

There really will never be another

What I do know is that its incorrectness was used to shine a light on the disturbing, the ugly, the tawdry, the overlooked and the self-righteousness of unexamined societal goodnessA David Lynch-told story, to me, always served as a bit of a disinfectant.  As if to say, no one and nothing is THIS TRULY GOOD, and yes, the world can be quite that BAD.  But none of it will go away if we bury it.  We need to confront it – them – the baddies – out in the open and risk our reputations in order to come out the other side with insight.  At least that will give us enough familiarity with the bad to recognize it and perhaps prevent it from happening if we ever see it again.

My words, not his.

The many worlds of Mr. Lynch

What I love most about Lynch’s work is that he asks you to give yourself permission to go through the darkness and not be repelled by it.  To tolerate the quixotic because, like life, not everything gets instantly answered or is made apparent for you.  It needs to be absorbed, over time and through various moods, endured until the totality of it slides open a window of understanding that finally allows you to say, Oh, I get it.  Now, I get it.. I finally get it.

This is why I just decided I’m showing Blue Velvet to not one, but two, classes this semester and why I will probably get crap about it from someone.  It may not be p.c. on the surface but it’s the most p.c. journey you will take overall.  It doesn’t hide what it is but, at the end of the day, is an advocate for good, in all of its tawdriness.  Meaning actual, real life good – not some technicolor movie version of it.

Would that our 2025 world could be that way.  Well, it can be.  Lynch gave us a sort of existential playbook of self-discovery that we can watch over and over and over again to guide us.   Though the end of time.  As opposed to the end times.

Isabella Rossellini – “Blue Velvet”