While all you moviegoers were out and about at theatres singing along with Wicked and battling along with Gladiator 2, this weekend I was slouched on the couch with Netflix eye-candying…

Hot Frosty.

Yes, it had come to this.

A friend of mine had mentioned it a few days before and I scoffed, not giving it a second thought.  Then a few nights later, as usual, I turned on cable news.

I won’t say what fresh hell it was but you can use your imagination.  Or tune into the news yourself. 

I dare you.

So what is Hot Frosty?

It’s the story of a hunky shirtless snow sculpture man come to life when a melancholy woman notices his abs, puts her cable knit scarf around his neck to warm him up and – sure as a twinkly gust of gentle snow/wind can only do in a Christmas time Hallmark/Lifetime/now Netflix movie – makes him human. 

Sort of.

That is because he’s unlike any man we see these days, especially on cable news.

He’s got abs of steel BUT he’s floppy-haired adorkable.  He’s cool, cool, cool BUT he’s also kind, generous, great with kids, AND instinctively knows how to fix a roof or singlehandedly push a car out of mounds of snow. 

Not to mention, after watching a cooking show and a couple of YouTube videos he can whip you up an elaborate feast of pretty much anything AND not brag about it.

Contrary to what I’ve been sharing, these post-Election Day weeks have felt hopeless and harrowing with not much to look forward to on our collective lost horizons.  But every so often you flip through a streaming platform and are force fed an instant preview to some dumb, inane, annoying movie against your will you have no intention of watching.  You are in a severely weakened state because you sense the end of the world as you knew it.  And then are force fed –

The cure.

It’s not gender checking body parts for bathroom entry or allowing public school prayer to a saggy-skinned, pancake make-up wearing, balding, blonde-gray fascist in suit jackets longer than the ones Bea Arthur wore in Maude, Golden Girls and Amanda’s By The Sea (Note: You can google the latter).

It’s merely Jack.  The hot snow/man.  His body temperature may be 30 degrees but if you’re feeling lonely and desperate this holiday week he’s the warmest thing out there. 

By a lot.

Ariana Grande – “thank u, next”